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Hi, My partner (been together 7 years) has always shown strong signs of being on the spectrum. He is 40 years old & has in the past had a nervous breakdown due to being totally overwhelmed with life. I have often told him that his reactions to situations, anxiety & hatred for social situations maybe signs of being on the spectrum. Recently we watched a documentary explaining the spectrum & he cried. He told me that he has been simming since he was a child & has always struggled. He has since done various questionnaires & they always come out he is highly likely on the spectrum. He won’t go to the doctor as he says what will they do? Since all of this he has become short tempered and unable to deal with people. Can anyone give me any ideas on ways to help him get through this? Thank you

He is afraid for one reason or another of being autistic. Why don’t you start by helping him deal with his social anxiety and general anxiety on a stand alone basis as psychological issues in and of themselves and not push the autism comorbidity angle?

Time is a great healer.

Apart from that, for some, a diagnosis can be the 'break' in make or break. For others, it is more so 'make' and people are happy to understand who they are and do not resent the fact.

You should do your best to emotionally appease your partner for now, and perhaps investigate whether he has any co-occurring mental health issues, alongside his autism.

Anxiety as you mention is common with autistic folk and treating that can be very helpful for autistic people to cope in social situations.

Welcome to Wrong Planet FB ....possibly nothing you can you do, Given his situation. " time" and possibly getting some actual knowledge of Highly successful Aspies ,Albert Einstien..etc.Am thinking he really needs to de-stress . Peace and quiet ..? perhaps.For a period of time.. Sometimes acceptance ,just takes time ....
Sometimes the understanding of what has been causing his lifetime symptoms, is more like a awakening .
Be careful Be safe ..dont let his anger be directed at you , if possible, If he has a hobbie or special interest , maybe , if he distracts hisself with that might be better ..?

Instead of focusing on a diagnosis, maybe focus on looking for resources on how autistic people can cope with their problems. For example, if he has particular sensory problems, he could look up stories of how autistic people cope with those problems and try them out. Even if he doesn't want a diagnosis, he can learn from the experiences of other autistic people to make his life easier

It seems to me that it's a rather organic process. While there are some common themes in stories I've seen of peoples' journeys each one is unique. For ME, I'm self-diagnosed, which I have been told by numerous "official" sources is completely valid. Many of us have difficulties in getting a diagnosis, some are because we've been masking for so long that it takes a true expert to see our autism, others are purely financial. For me, I agree with your partner. I don't see much point at this stage of my life. That being said, I fully intend of seeking help for various aspects of my autism that are troubling for me. IF a diagnosis is born from seeking this help, so be it. I've gotten a lot of very helpful insight from several YT channels and being able to ask questions and participate in discussions here. Also, as Jakki said, welcome!!

Some like me are glad to find out what is 'wrong' with us - but even so, it is a lot to deal with.
Once you realise, there's so much to review and unpack with all the ways it has affected one's life.
He may need emotional or mental health support, for instance to talk with a psychologist. Even if he can't see the benefit to himself, point out to him how his behaviour has changed and is upsetting to you, and you think it might be helpful for him. But let him know also that you are supportive of him, whatever he wants to do.

I think he has a salient question - what would seeing a doctor do for him? I guess the answer depends on what country he's in. In my case I got diagnosed and I was able to use that to make my employer (a university that was afraid of being found out for not being politically correct) give me a few accommodations that reduced my stress levels a bit and helped me to feel that my job was a bit more secure. Beyond that, the only other benefit I know of is that it corroborated my strong suspicion that I had ASD, which was useful in helping me understand myself better. If not for its effect on the workplace situation I probably wouldn't have bothered with the DX. I didn't get any disability benefits for it because I wasn't given any help applying for it and the benefits people didn't handle my application fairly. Since then they've scrapped the benefit anyway, and it wouldn't have been much if I'd got it. That's the UK, where as far as I can see they just leave you to fend for yourself if you're an adult. Even my GP made no accommodations at all, though the NHS sent them a letter outlining the accommodations they should make (unfortunately they didn't copy the letter to me). My GP even told me that sedatives and antidepressants were the only things they'd give me for it. But maybe it's different in other places. If you can find anything good that they would do for him, maybe he'd be interested in seeing his doctor about it.

I found it useful to read memoirs written by those with ASD and then I joined online (and in person) ASD groups. It's good to find my tribe. I officially got the diagnosis b/c I am in a relatively ASD-friendly place. I have a therapist who specializes in working with folks on the spectrum and she's provided so much wonderful validation, as have the groups. Wishing your husband well as he explores his sense of self and re-evaluates past (and present) hardships - definitely grief work.