It's hard to say the right thing

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Title says it all.

Yes, for me with ADHD it's like being on a roundabout, feeling dizzy and being told to get off in a certain direction. It's bloody hard to get it right..

Yeah I recently inadvertently ticked off my neighbor Anita and my worker Cathy by saying things that were untrue then posting that on Facebook!

I didn't mean to do it

It just happened

Like in the episode of SpongeBob SquarePants "Sailor Mouth" where SpongeBob accidentally said a bad word when he lost in a game he was played with Patrick

He did not mean to do it

In his own words:

"Some things just slip out"

Yes, it is.

it takes nearly all my energy to make my brain say only neutral things. lots of fuzzbusting going on up there.

When you have very high verbal ability, but social communication is at classical autism level.

Well said. I comes out wrong all the time!

it really is.

We can't win. I get in trouble for being too direct and honest, but whenever I make an effort to be more kind I've been told I'm bing condescending. Im at the point now where I'm trying to practice not talking as much to mitigate this issue. It sounds sad, but things have been going a lot more smoothly.

Been thinking about this very thing, strangely enough. I am just thinking of saying "fine" when someone asks me how I am. It seems that nothing changes positively for the better, and that everything is a constant struggle.

Lost two friends over expressing myself. The most recent case was me telling a friend about struggling here overseas because I'm broke and finding it very hard to keep a job. I have not been able to save money because of it.

I told my friend this, and how it's very depressing to try to save money only to have it be used for living expenses between jobs.

She said not to worry about saving money, which I thought was odd.

Then...she told me when I get back to the states, I could hire her husband who is a handyman to fix up my house. She went on to say I could get a trailer and live in it on my property, and if I wanted to take a trip, I could buy an SUV to haul the trailer.

I was angry that she couldn't seem to understand that fixing the house, buying a trailer AND an SUV was going to cost MONEY, which I did NOT have. I guess I was yelling at her, via Facebook voice messaging. I shouldn't have yelled at her, and I apologized.

However, if someone is broke, and says they are broke repeatedly, telling them to do something that is going to cost money (I estimate fixing my house, buying a trailer and an SUV will cost around $60,000) is a bad idea.

I felt like she wasn't hearing me at all.

She unfriended me, so I'm like, whatever. People aren't listening to me no matter how I express myself, so I feel like I'm done. I'm still on Facebook, but haven't posted anything on my wall. I've posted comments on other threads, but I haven't said anything on my wall/page/whatever they are calling it nowadays.

So I plan to retreat even more. I'll respond if someone reaches out, but I'm going to not go into detail. I'll say I'm fine. Then if they ask for more info, I'll politely refuse.

I totally understand not talking as much. Glad you're having positive results with it!

I was just on a roundabout and realized if I went around to see all the exits I'd have a much better chance of finding the right exit. There aren't any roundabouts near me so I only see them once a year when I travel out of state.

I'm sure a lot of us have the same trouble socializing infrequently.

When I was younger I used to think there were only a small handful of correct responses to any given statement, and I was amazed at how people seemed to just magically know what those correct responses were (especially when talking to people they didn't even know, about topics they were unfamiliar with). I couldn't understand how some people could seemingly respond correctly all the time (I surmised that they were saying the right things because people responded naturally and positively to them in return)

I now know that communication isn't actually that restrictive, and that there are a lot of other factors that can help conversations go smoothly or not smoothly (such as how friendly/appropriate their body language and intonation is). But it still feels mysterious

Yes! When I was little I quickly learned how easy it was to say the wrong thing so I just didn't say anything most of the time. This was hard when asked a direct, and vague, question, like "What do you want to do today?" There are so many wrong answers to that! In part because it didn't occur to me to deflect by asking another question like "What do you want to do?" or "What did you have in mind?" or "Are you in the mood for something active like a hike or something relaxing like a movie?"

And I also had the tendency to actually answer the question, rather than just saying something neutral and meaningless, which is what is usually expected.

I used to use that method, but I overdid it- I refused to ever have control over the TV remote for example, in case I picked the "wrong" thing. I was very noncommittal and overly polite, and I rarely shared real opinions about things. It was a good way to avoid conflict, but I still came across as strange and had trouble making friends.

It sometimes seems like one of those situations where you can't win

That is so true...very easy to say the wrong thing, but saying the right thing can be amazingly difficult.

yes, it is!