Special Interests and Apathy

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Would you say your special interest (if you have one) is more important than your family? to me it is but apparently that's callous

Family is definitely more important...it just doesn't need as much attention.

Family is definitely important to me, but on the other hand I want to be able to indulge in my special interests.

I think of this scene from the musical "Sunday in the Park With George."

"DOT: Yes, George, run to your work. Hide behind your painting. I have come to tell you I am leaving because I thought you might care to know - foolish of me, because you care about nothing -

GEORGE: I care about many things -

DOT: Things - not people.

GEORGE: People, too. I cannot divide my feelings up as neatly as you. And I am not hiding behind my canvas - I am living in it."

I think sometimes we "cannot divide our feelings up as neatly" as NTs and put them in the order they expect.

Yes, that's about where I'm at.

In the past, I've had other people tell me I'm obligated to miss them when we spend a day apart. I never felt that way about people, but I do feel that way about my special interests.

I tend to think of other activities, even spending time with other people, as competition for my special interests. I already feel like I spend 95% of my life at my job, which has nothing to do with my interests. I spent one day having high anxiety because my friend was coming over to borrow money. Not because of the money, which I think would be the concern for most NTs, but because I was afraid he would want to stay and talk and I would lose my time to draw. I was relieved when he took the money and left.

Hopefully, this won't be considered too political for this forum, but I think my focus on my special interests is part of what makes me so "apathetic" towards politics and global affairs, which has led to some bitter resentment from people who are focused on such things.

THIS! My train of thought is: "I can spend time with my family or on my special interest. My special interest makes me happier. Therefore, why should I spend time with my family?"

Are you dependent on your family?

Anyone indulging in their special interests in a home provided by their family depends on their family.
That makes their family very important.

I don't see many people partaking in SI while homeless.

Then again some of us own our own homes.

currently yes. I see them as not much more than tools and curiosities

Right lol - I get that, but they're still pretty important in the big picture if they're housing you.

That's true. Do I owe them my time then??

Your time? I don't know about that. It depends on their needs.

I'm thinking as a parent.
My kids are ASD and dependent.
I wouldn't want them to take it for granted that I provide their home, heat, food, etc.

They don't owe me their time per se.
They do owe me some respect rather than saying I'm not important.

Depends on the family member tbh.

I'd drop anything for my sibling. They're much more important to me than a show, dollhouse crafting, or video games.

Family is always more important. I actually aspire to give a s**t more and would've lived my life very differently in hindsight.

Pretty much yes. But then my family bullied me for my special interests. I'll take an actual meerkat over a bully brother who bullied me for special interests. I'll take a veterinary carrier in another country over a family that told me I never could so pass university and that I basically should give it up becuase they personally didn't believe in accommodations for dyscalculia. I never really was close to any of my family except my lizard. I was closer with the animals in my family more than the humans in it.

I never wanted children and made up my mind at four years old I was going to be a carrier woman. Marriage might be a possibility someday but I doubted it. I'd have to find a man or woman who had the same goals and values as I did. But I also could be happy as a spinster...probably even happier. There's more to life than romance. Even as young as four my mother was always saying, "It's up to the individual woman herself to decide if she wants to get married and have children. If you want to get married and have children when you grow up you can. If you don't want to, you don'
t have too. Some women have jobs they work very hard at and are very happy working." This always stuck with me. I saw myself as a carrier woman, not someone's wife or mother.

I knew I could never bond with a human child and I would just be a bad mother so I made the decision to never have them. I ended up needing a hysterectomy in my early 20's, everyone said I would come to regret it but never did. I never wanted children and my periods almost killed me. Why do I need a uterus again?"

Typically I'm OK alone for a couple of days or so, after that my enthusiasm for everything starts to wane, even for music. It's called loneliness. Once I've got the company of my loved ones back after a long time apart, I'm fascinated by everything around me and my brain goes into overdrive.

And one of my strong interests is my relationship, so I don't abandon my current soul-mate anything like so much as I used to abandon my first partner a few decades ago so I could focus on my music. I don't do this relating thing as strongly as I'd like, but I don't do badly.

For a variety of reasons I never did pay much attention to blood relatives and in-laws, apart from my son.

The whole thing is rather more complicated than that, because of all kinds of interpersonal dynamics.

Family is more important than passions, especially mum and dad
Sometimes I put my passions above friends but it's something I'm trying to stop, as I think others company is more emotionally beneficial than pursuing an interest, sometimes i forget though.

I don't know your parents or your situation, but I think it's relevant to be aware that other people, such as your parents, have their own interests, wants and needs as well.

Are your parents supportive of your interests?



I'm 42 and live with my parents. I currently have my computer set up in the living room/dining room area, so I can be near my parents while I draw on Photoshop. I'm lucky that my mother is very supportive of my interests. My stepfather has long despised all of my interests, including the ones he himself introduced me to, but he does usually let me engage in them.

I don't get excited about seeing other people, but I can enjoy spending recreational time with them. Sometimes, I just wish I could get my creative fix beforehand. I have OCD, poor time management skills, am easily distracted and generally find it a very frustrating struggle trying to get all the things I need to do done so that i can actually sit down and draw. I refer to this, hyperbolically, as "The War."

When I finally get done fighting "The War" and slump down, exhausted, to start doing what I actually want to do, the idea that somebody, such as a significant other of some sort, could pull the "our relationship is more important than your interest" card and force me to stop sounds horrifying and would fill me with despair. This could be, in part, because, before I came to the conclusion I was asexual/aromantic, I lived with a very controlling girlfriend who scheduled our entire lives. Once, she scheduled a date and time for us both to draw, but when we reached that time and sat down with our sketchbooks, she very suddenly insisted that we do something else instead, and when I still wanted to draw, she was enraged.