Masking

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So my husband has great banter at work but when home he is quiet and in his shell, does he mask at work?

Maybe he's naturally quiet when he's feeling comfortable, and he forces himself to be more social at work as a form of masking. Or maybe he's naturally social, but by the time he gets home from work he's too exhausted to talk much. Or maybe when he's quiet that's his method of masking, and he puts it on when he gets home because he doesn't want you to think he's annoying (unlikely since he probably feels comfortable around you if he married you)

Why not just ask him?

Unlikely to mask at home. Would end in breakdown way too quick! As home is where one is oneself.
Masking is done in public places or work places etc.

Masking is where one puts on an act to be someone one is inwardly not, to allow one to function in the outer world.

Masking can be to appear bold or to continually be using a sense of humour etc to hide behind who one really is underneath.

One will rarely ever mask if one is at home with ones loved ones, though if someone comes to visit or stay one may mask (Exhausting) or one may slightly unmask etc depending on who the person is.

I remember having a visit from a work collegue who wanted to buy a bicycle or a model locomotive (Can't remember). I was working on the railway at the time where I had to put on a bold official "Work mask". On top of this I also masked by joking around by having a sense of humour mask which involved pretending to be thick, so that I would say silly things at opportune moments to make people laugh. This would allow me to connect with them! This was also used as a mask on top of the other mask, so I would be masking on top of masking, or masking twice if that makes sense? (May have been masking in triplicate as I also autimasked which I learned from a very early age and I had no control over this one. It masked my stimming traits as well so my traits came out in a more hidden way etc. (For many years I tried to stop my stimming traits and when I did on my 40's, I ended up with big burnouts instead! So don't stop stimming even though other people don't like it! Be a figit! ).
Then one day this work collegue came to visit me at my house and I was completely unmasked. I was so inwardly tired and I was on my home territory so I wasn't masking when I had a visitor. I hardly noticed though I knew I was back to my quiet self.
Then in work I was my jolly masking self, and he made a comment that I was a completely different person at home compared to how I was in work! It shocked me at the time because these masks I knew I did (The two manual masks) as I was continually manually doing them while in work. My brain had to do a few things at a time including the job! It is why I didn't do wdll in Drama lessons in school because acting in drama, meand acting over manually masking over manually masking over automated masking, and it was too much for me to do and I was soo scared of all thr masking being "Discovered" while trying to drama mask as well, that it was like trying to do many tasks at the same time but trying to appear "Normal" while doing it!

I hope this helps!

I don't think many mask in triplicate like I do though (Or did, though sometimes still mask... Usually not with people to need to mask apart from my Mum). It is why I can't multitask elsewhere because my brain is already multitasking when out in public!

One of the signs or symptoms of a major burnout (Or mild breakdown?) I had was that I was not able to do a few things at once if sent on an errand that involved getting something, and while I was there getting other things. If it was three things, I would retain it in my memory (Often could not even do that if I had to drive or cycle somewhere to get there first), but I would have to get the first thing and bring it back, and then go to get the next thing and bring it back etc... I couldn't just get all things as if I tried I would just stand there unable tothink of the next mental process! I had to make a few trips bringing back each item one at a time as my mind just could not think beyond the first item unless I brought the first item back and then my mind would swipe that from the list foe me to get the second item. So getting things from the shed in the garden was time consuming as I had to make several trips, where I personally only wanted one thing... But my Mum or others would say "While you are there..." And they would then tell me off when I got their things one at a time before getting myself my thing!
when totally recovered from burnout I could do it which to family and others seemed odd.

Even with NTs that happens.

Back in the Fifties when the sex roles were more separate than now that was a common source of marital tension.

Mom was stuck home all day with a couple of toddlers. So when Dad came home she "finally had another adult to talk to". Meanwhile Dad had to be on the ball every moment on the job...so when he got home he was "finnally free to be silent".

If the person who works is also on the autism spectrum and feels they have to fake being outgoing and outgoing then thats just one more source of stress on the job. So it could be normal work stress or it could be a combination of both.