The Thinking Gulf

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Of all the things about my ASD and iADHD that separate me from neurotypical people, the biggest is thinking.

I'm not referring how I think or what I think about, but rather when I think. Which is basically always.

It seems like most people spent their lives avoiding thinking as much as possible. Many deliberately do "mindless" work. But the people who spend 40+ hours a week thinking at work simply don't want to think outside of work. Even if they enjoy their work. Even if they have advanced degrees and work in specialized fields. Most people actively avoid thinking through their choice of hobbies and their consumption of alcohol or other substances.

For me, The Brain Train never stops. If I'm sick or exhausted or I consume alcohol it just makes the tracks slippery. I find that to be worse, because I'm aware of my difficulty thinking. It's frustrating and sometimes unnerving. With certain activities I can turn down the volume of my thoughts, but never really turn them off. And with rare exceptions - namely passive, relaxing activities like watching a sunset or getting a massage - I wouldn't want to. I play strategy games and read exclusively nonfiction books. I'm eager to learn things where most people would shirk away because "that feels like work." It's not just my special interest.

I read nonfiction about my career field outside of work. I don't think any of my coworkers do; they like their jobs but would rather engage in escapism when they're not on the clock. It's frustrating, like being in a relationship where you know you love your partner a lot more than they love you in return.

I think that's something I miss about my old gaming hobby. Serious gamers can talk for hours in depth about their favorite games.

Maybe that's the peak intersection of not only ASD and ADHD, but also high IQ. Probably 1% of people have both ASD and ADHD, and only 1% of people have Gifted-level IQ or higher. The math is very much not in my favor.

Yeah I relate to a lot of that, especially the Brain Train. To me ASD hyper-focus and ADHD restlessness equals a brain that hungers for knowledge to the point where novel information is more enticing than anything the body craves.

Part of the issue I think is that NTs have many interests as opposed to a few special interests and they don't deep dive head first into them, just dip their toes; and people/socialising take up a large proportion of those interests. If you're deep in a technical manual you can't check up on Bob to see if he's gotten over the argument he had with his wife, catch up on the football scores or organise the barbecue for next week (that's what they do isn't it? I don't pay much attention).

yes, information seeking/sharing is my main activity,my brain demands to be fed info!
I find learning is recreation for me, I spend up to 5 hours a day searching for info on my favorite topics. Sounds right to me!! !!

Sometimes I wish I could just turn my brain off, at least for a while. I guess the closest thing to turning it off is just watching something funny on youtube. At work my brain never shuts up which is a curse for sure and at home its usually a little better.