Trauma or Disability

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I have been confusing myself lately because I don't know if it's a Asperger or emotional issue. I have found that I have to live a ''certain way'' or ''organized''. I am not a ''weak'' person but I am quick to get upset or emotional rages, issues with dating, I feel or maybe just paranoia that I have been turned away a lot, not a very social person either. The only analogy I can use is The Incredible Hulk how David Banner had to live a certain way and avoid a lot to control the Hulk Outs, I have to be careful and avoid a lot to keep my emotional health and issues under wraps, while everything that NT's enjoy mostly makes me get ''upset''

Having to live a certain way is a common limitation of autism and also of disabilities in general. Sacrifices often have to be made for the sake of one's sanity etc.

I am not sure how this relates to trauma, however (based on what you have posted)?

I am ''open minded'' to a certain degree but other than that I am not ''comfortable'' going out or in the ''suburbs.'' I also at times feel that I don't have the ''energy'' or ''goals'' that many NT's do, such as even when I was in high school most of them craved the basic ''blueprint'' many kids, huge house and the best job, is it normal for us to feel disconnect or don't have the ''energy'' to take on all of that? physically I feel a lot older than 38 years

It is perfectly reasonable and regular for a disabled person or an autistic person or an autistic disabled person to have difficulty with achieving the regular goals that NT's often have and which they often achieve.

Take employment for example. In the UK, only about 15% of people with autism are in full time employment (source: The National Autistic Society) and many autistic folk never have partners or relationships that last long (or have any at all in some cases).

There are some sources that claim that autism leads to a reduced lifespan, so feeling older than your biological age is older than it is in terms of its number, is plausible.

I don't know your circumstances, but for me autism and trauma go hand in hand. I felt abandoned by everyone from my childhood. My emotional needs were never recognized let alone met, and being autistic was and is still considered a source of shame where i live.
So for me, they are similar. It was only on age 25 i started to like myself the way i am and felt peaceful being myself.

I used to love The Hulk series when I was a kid. Definitely empathise with that.

My belief is that we autistics have dysfunctional nervous systems and our cortisol levels are off. That means we can easily get in a stressed state and may take longer to recover. Build-up of stress over time can cause meltdowns.

This also means we have a natural vulnerability to developing stress disorders like PTSD, complex PTSD, or Adjustment Disorder. We spend so long in a stressed state, the nervous system can become chronically sensitised and then start over-reacting to every little thing.

I'm trying to find out how to treat this but there doesn't seem to be any quick fix. You have to reduce stressors as much as possible and learn breathing and mindfulness to try bringing your nervous system down to relaxed state. For me, it's a work in progress.

Reducing stress can be a long tedious process.

I saw a story about 6 o'clock news about haircuts for those on the spectrum.
Some will travel hundreds of miles to get a low stress haircut!

https://www.wtnh.com/on-air/connecticut ... -spectrum/
https://www.cheshirefitnesszone.com/sen ... -haircuts/

I usually shop when the stores are less busy.

It is usually less crowded at restaurants when they first open for dinner.

The biggest stressor for many is masking, or pretending to be someone you aren't.
It is hard to do this constantly.

it could be both! Autistic people tend to experience more trauma than NT, perhaps because our neurology does not process experiences the same as Neurotypical (there are lots of studies confirming the trauma statistics). So trauma and autism tend to "cross over" and symptoms mix.

20 years ago, there were articles about trauma in kids, which said if you have a child with autistic symptoms, check because it might be trauma.
Now articles and papers are saying if you have a traumatized child, look for autism. It used to be "either /or" but today it is recognized as a likely co-diagnosis.

You may find some help with an occupational therapist who specializes in trauma or in sorting emotions (something we autistic folks can really struggle with).

I found an "emotion wheel" helped me sort degrees and stages of the way I was feeling and helped me put those emotions into words. Maybe something like that could help you too?