School Cafeteria

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I hated the lunchroom (and recess) as a child. In middle school, I eventually started to eat my lunch in a bathroom stall. My social issues were so extreme, I ended up dropping out of school at 15 . (I went on to go to college, but thats another thread).

Anyways, my anxiety was severe. I hated to eat in front of people and I hated the unorganized atmosphere of the cafeteria. The noises, lights, and chaotic surroundings were too much for me to handle.

I have 3 daughters, 2 have been diagnosed with ASD. My 5 year old daughter has HFA. She recently told me that she hated the lunchroom because it scares her. Her language issues prevent her from telling me what exactly it is that scares her. But I get it. I asked her teacher if she could stay behind and eat alone in the classroom. Her teacher is dead set against this. SHe feels that ASD/Asperger kids should be "mainstreamed" and that it is a bad idea to give her an alternative option to lunch. She said she worried about what other kids would think or say. She worried that it would hold my daughter back socially. She also states that she doesnt think she is stressed in the lunchroom. To which I explained that it is possible she is internalizing stress and that just because it is not obvious, it does not mean that it doesnt exist. She doesnt buy that apparently. But I see a lot of what could very well be delayed responses to stress in my daughter. Like biting her lips until they bleed and having many accidents on school days to name a few.

She wants to find different methods to address this. Perhaps gun muffs. I think that will make my daughter stand out and bring negetive attention.

She mentioned other kids dont like the lunchroom. I used that to my advantage. I suggested having a small group of kids eat seperately with my daughter outside of the lunchroom. I think this is a great idea btw. I think it would be a great way for her to work on social skills in a smaller, less chaotic enviroment.

Apparently, this is an insane idea to the teacher who stands firmly behind not "moving back socially".

Im at a loss. i really dont know what to do. Did you hate the lunchroom? Do you think it would have been beneficial for you to have the option to eat somewhere outside of the lunchroom? Is this an absurd request that would hinder her developement?

I personally would have benifited greatly from this type of thing. I believe my daughter would benifit from this as well. But I need to know what YOU think. I want to be sure this isnt an absurd request or something that will hurt my daughters growth before I fight the school.

I dont think its important that she learn to eat in the lunchroom. I am an adult who was forced to do things like that and I STILL HATE school cafeterias. I see no reason to force her to do something that it causing her stress. She doesnt tell me things like this. The fact that she verbalized this to me is enough to make me feel like I have to fight for her. Do you agree?

I agree that she should be able to eat in a separate area. I have an AS friend who used to skip lunch for years and go hungry because he couldn't cope with the commotion in the lunchroom. I always left the lunchroom with indigestion and sometimes I would even be vomiting afterwards due to severe anxiety. By the time I got to the GCSE years, the school nurse had become good friends with me and I had also been diagnosed with AS so she advocated for me and I was allowed to eat lunch in her office, which was very quiet. The indigestion/vomiting ended.

When I was in school it bothered me to eat in front of other people. In early years I got to go home for lunch but when I went to school further away I couldn't. My mother sent in a permission slip to let me eat outside of the lunchroom (which I was accused of forging and not apologized to after they called her about it) and I even had an ex teacher that I actually liked that would have let me eat in her classroom but they still wouldn't allow it. Instead they made me go in the lunchroom and have to go without food yet still complained that I was too skinny.

In sixth grade (middle school) I sat outside to eat and they didn't stop me.

After that I went to various special classes and schools and mostly managed to avoid lunchrooms except in the mental hospital where they gave me a lot of problems about my not wanting to eat in front of others or eat their nasty food and treated me like I was anorexic and bulimic the entire time I was there.

The social-obsessed mainstreaming teachers annoy me. I think that your daughter should be allowed to eat in a separate place, because school cafeteria is sensory hellhole.

Also slightly related I had a teacher in second grade that wouldn't let me have snacks at snack time unless it was my turn to bring them in. I guess she thought she couldn't keep them from me when they were mine. I don't know if anxiety stopped me from eating then but I do remember a lot of kids bringing in fig newtons for snack time which I hated and would not eat.

The smell nearly killed me.

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR YOUR REPLIES.

I really appreciate it. This is going to be a battle for me. I thought if I talked to the teacher, it wouldnt be a big deal to let my daughter eat somewhere else. I dont know how to handle this resistance that I am being met with. I feel like Im a kid going through it all over again! I have a hard time not acting on pure emotion and exploding. Its very hard for me to handle this in a "mature" way. I almost feel like I am being bullied.

Anyone have advice on how to make this happen for my daughter? Do I have legal rights?


********And regarding the staff availability...I had originally told her that if staffing was an option, I could sit with her at lunch in the classroom. She assured me that they had the staff so that wouldnt be necessary. I personally get the feeling that she thinks she knows best and doesnt want to be told any different. She did call herself an "autism expert" a few weeks ago...Im starting to think that her ego is the real issue here.

Yes, definitely. The chaos, the bullying, the noise and lights and smells - it was the worst place to be. I used to hide and even skip lunch to avoid it. It's cruel to make kids with HFA go there, and it shouldn't be any huge problem to let them eat somewhere else.

Can you perhaps get a note from a therapist/psychologist/doctor saying that your daughter needs to not eat in the cafeteria?

In HS I always sat on a park bench outside the front door for a picnic, when it rained/winter I stoud under the covered door at the public libary onsite and ate fast. I had no friends to sit with and very much disliked the stupid actions and jokes and mindless gossop I was forced to hear. Sensory Overload!! !

I identify with this. From 14 to 16 and maybe earlier I mostly avoided the cafeteria. 100+ voices ricocheting around a large room, chairs being pulled, meals being spilt, stuffy air with a smell of groz and soggy chips, unappealing meals, lack of courtesy, staring, hormones, angst, need to go in with a circle of friends . . . compare that with buying a packet of Space Invaders and a Chomp at the tuck shop a little later on, only spending 20p, being pretty hungry but just about pushing along on a very unhealthy diet and having £9 at the end of the week to spend on records. I bet I'd be an inch taller or so if I'd actually eaten properly at the time though, which I definitely regret.

In sixth form I mostly preferred the half mile and back into the town centre to get a Boot's meal deal, no matter the weather or company. I only stayed in for their meals if I had debating society etc on at lunchtime.

I'd still find a way of avoiding it today if I were eating from a canteen.