Anatomy of a failure

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Anatomy of a failure: No paid work. Only a very little voluntary/unpaid, mediocre academic record by current standards, no friends IRL, can't drive a car,need support to maintain a healthy level of independence.

You have friends in here.

Hows your family such as your daughter?

Are you a reader? There might be online or video versions of this too:
Years ago I got a book called "what color is your parachute"... it was designed for people who wanted a new sort of job.

The first half of it was a "skills assessment" with lots of homework assignments. It really helped me view myself and my abilities differently.

Society has set us up to see "success" in only a few ways, and success is and can be so much more, in so many ways.

I faithfully did all of those assignments and by the time I was done I had a new definition and understanding of myself, my skills and abilities, my needs.

Since I joined this group a few years ago, I have enjoyed the insights that so many of your posts bring.

You are wise in so many ways. glad you are here , cut yourself some slack and start taking inventory of all the ways you have survived and all the skills and abilities you do have. You don't have to accept society's song and dance about what is success and what is failure.

One of the things that the book asked me to do was to list every single thing I could do.
Starting with what we all learned as children, walk, talk, toilet training, how to bathe, how to brush teeth, how to dress ourselves, tie a shoe... read, write, speak, and so on, right up to the stuff we learned to do recently ( for me , how to use a computer!) and so on. My list was way- way longer than I expected... it took days but it was interesting to keep discovering all the things I had learned over the years. here is a link to some of the "homework" that taught me so much about my skills and abilities, etc.

https://content.randomhouse.com/assets/ ... /index.php

^ That looks interesting. I used to be an avid and eclectic reader as a child and teenager. That stopped after my 1st stay in hospital. I've not read a book for a good number of years. Since I've found out most people can visualise people and scenes in fiction books and I can't, due to the aphantasia, reading fiction has ceased to be a pleasurable experience.

I struggle to see the things I'm at least quite good at. If I look at things I'm proud of they're small fry - doing my best to be a good 'father', grandfather, and gt grandfather despite the ASD and SMI, 25 years of trying to help people through articles in my RSS feeds , putting my late half aunt in touch with her half relatives.

I can't tell you how much it helped me. Try it, its kind of fun, definitely interesting to focus on facts about oneself. I was in my late 40s when I did that and don't regret it to this day.
Like you, I have aphantasia and have never been able to picture anything in my mind. I read mostly non fiction and prefer documented facts. Lots of good and interesting reads out there, but it might take some tries to find the right "flavor".
I love that you have grandchildren. I will never have any and wonder what it would be like to share love and adventures with them. Giving them love and being there for them the way you wish others had been there for you could make all the difference to their lives and their futures. That has to be such a wonderful thing to have in your life. I have appreciated your posts here over time, you are wise, patient , and kind. Something that is so valuable it is priceless. <3