How to have fun?

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You lot out there seem to be wise and all knowing, so I'm hoping you can help.

The other day my son told me he wanted to have 'fun'. This posed a big problem for both of us, as we couldn't really work out what 'fun' was or how to do it. I asked my psychaitrist, and she nodded seriously, and said - 'well at least you know it exists, so now go look for it', and I talked to my son's therapist, and she suggested I look at other peoples fun and have a go at them.

My son and I have interests... and obsessions... and things that get us ticking - but when it comes to the official 'fun' we have nooo idea. I know that NT's think going out partying is fun - not for us!! ! I know visiting people is meant to be fun – not for us!! !

We go to the movies, but according to my son, it's only fun if it's a funny movie (which I can understand...) We don't like the beach (all that sand, noise and cold wet stuff), we went ten pin bowling and it was 'fun' until my son started to lose (and the anxiety, noise, and bad choice of bowl freaked me out - was funny afterwards but not at the time).

We're a pretty hopeless lot! Can I have some ideas? (do other people have this problem? is it a problem? maybe it's an idea NT's shove on us?)

Ah, one of my good friends, one of her mottos is "BE FUN" in fact. And yes, what exactly constitutes "fun" is a personal issue to ponder.

What I DO know is that fun is what you enjoy. So if you and your son are not having a good time, it's not fun. Going to the movies is certainly a popular way for people to have fun. Often, social activities like going out for dinner together with important people in your life also constitutes fun. And of course, indulging in your shared obsessions together -- that can be some of the most fun of all.

Do not worry. When you are having a good time, you will instinctually have fun!

As Seven of Nine said from ST: Voyager:

"Fun will now commence."

Yes - you have a good point. Unfortunately my son is very literal about his fun! We've been having fun on this website together (and the odd battle for the mouse), but apparently official fun is meant to be somewhere else!

"Official" is however you make it... ahhh so your son insist on that!

Well, assure him that the two of you will make the rules together on what is fun to you. It could be an activity too, print out a list on the computer and frame it! Then it'll REALLY be literal

Maybe a "fun journal", when you both discover new fun things you like to do, and keep it through the ages.

Hey, is there a way to wire up two mice, each into a diff. USB port and then you don't have to battle for the mouse... haha... the cursor will be caught in between but it's an idea.

You are truly wise! I think I will do a journal!
I actually have a graphics pad attached as well as a mouse - it gets pretty ugly around here - fighting for control of the 'puter!

Hi ilster,

Do you and your son like to excersise? Do you like to be outdoors at all? One of my favorite things to do is to go on walks through the woods, in a nearby park. If you take the wider trails, there are usually not too many bugs, and it is always much quieter than taking a walk out on the street. Also, if you go on a weekday or early in the morning, there will probably not be many people there with you. If you two are more into physical activity, you could also try a little bit of hiking up walking trails.

according to most of my peers getting drunk at parties and not being able to remember it in the morning is what 'fun' is! fun is doing something you enjoy that makes you happy and often, makes you laugh. as far as my friends and I are concerned, fun is often unplanned and spontaneous!

Yeah, spontaneous... good word... yeah it's those crazy moments in life. Of course, thing is with Asperger's, you tend to want to be in control of your own routine, so it can be frustrating and loopy, but I've come to enjoy it on occasion.

Haha... KtMcS... about getting drunk... so true. It's downright stupid and pathetic, people like that will have nothing to show for (not even memories) all their fun later, except for possibly the nastiness of liver cirrhosis. I'd like to believe being preachy can be a good thing, but when no one takes your advice, that's when I *sigh* and leave their lives because I don't like to see people hurt themselves over the long-term like that.

ilster: Thank you, you are too kind. Graphics tablets are a lot of fun... I wonder if there's a way to have two cursors on the screen at once so you and your son could collaborate on "computer art".

I don't know if this is 'fun' but one of my favorite things to do with people is just to be with them - most people won't do this with me for long becasue they find it boring - but I love to just have someone in my living room with me watching TV or something . . .
One of my favorite people to be around says that I remind him of a cat for that reason - you know how cats will walk into the room and just sit by you, but if you pet them they will move three feet away and just sit by you again . . . my orange tabby, Seth, is doing something like that right now . . .

Haha, animallover, my friends say I AM a cat. Of course, it probably has something to do with the fact that I like to meow, and am totally obsessed with cats. I also enjoy just being with people, and I'm lucky enough to have some friends who don't mind hanging out and watching movies or anime with me, provided that we do have some conversation besides that from time to time.

One of the best descriptions I have come across of being aspie is that it is like being a cat in a world where everyone else is a dog.

Thanks guys! I shall ponder these helpful thoughts with my son! On the cat and dog note - it was last night that the cat thing occurred to me as well! Kind of internet, simultaneous thought field, vibe, karma thing... Wow.

I had some fun late last night, running down the street with no-one around, hopping and skipping, kick-jumping off telegraph poles, and doing human flags on street signs! ... but I was a bit lonely. I kinda wish I had someone to just goof around with like that.

I speak fluent cat - I think I actually learned cat before I learned English as a kid - but I can confuse the hell out of new cats that come to my back porch to eat - they look at me like 'Ok - you are speaking the right language, but you are one ugly cat!'

I am working on learning to speak rat, but my rats still occassionally look at me like I just told them that I was wanting to eat the bars of their cage or something stupid like that . . .

I LOVE the being a cat in a world of dogs - I see so much in common with cats (and rats, too - they have a lot of AS traits) - but I've never in my life liked dogs - I mean, they deserve to be treated with respect because they are living things, but you'd have to pay me A LOT to have one in my house . . .

Reading is fun. I think of it as playing with my mind.

Fun is up to the individual. What one considers fun the other does not.

When I was growing up, my parents, in their quest to make me "normal" or to appear "normal" would often drag me away from the kind of things I thought were fun and try to force me into other activities. They would insist these other activities I had no interest in were fun and what I was interested in wasn't fun.

Once I had engaged in these activities I'd be asked if I had fun and get screamed at when I answered I hadn't. They wanted me to have fun other people's ways, not my own way. I often said that I should be allowed to have fun in my own way, and that my siblings should pick their activities and I should pick mine.

I preferred doing things like buidling electronic stuff, reading about computers, cars, technology, and the like, not running around outside. I was the kind of child who could amuse himself for hours with things like that, or creating adventures with action figures.

The only advice I have is to try different activities to find what you like. If you do something once, you don't necessarily have to do it again. Find and make your own "fun!"