Aspies - we're like onions...

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Does anyone here remember the part in the original Shrek where there was a dialog comparing ogres to onions? For those who don't know what I'm talking about, the analogy is that ogres have many layers like an onion, you have to peel back the layers to get a whole picture of the ogre.

I saw that movie way before I knew about Asperger's, yet I remember how that part of the movie stuck with me. I've always felt misunderstood, that people judge me for what are only the topmost layers of who I am. You really need to get to know me (and peel back the layers) to get a good idea of who I am. Very few people in my life have bothered to do this. Most who do find me to be a very good, loyal friend who gives deep insights that most others don't see.

I get very frustrated because if you only bother to get to know me enough to see the topmost layers, it's easy to get the wrong idea about who I am. My sense of humor, abruptness, and habit of blurting out whatever happens to be in my head can be abrasive if not tempered by the layers underneath, which show me to be very empathetic, philosophical, caring, and I've been told, wise. So people form opinions about me and don't bother to delve any deeper.

I think most Aspies have this problem. Maybe this way of deciphering people works often enough on NTs, I don't know. I tend to form opinions about people but at the same time realize that I could be wrong, that I don't have all the information yet, and that they could do something or say something to change my mind. Why don't most people tend to do this? How can you form a definite opinion about someone you only know as an acquaintance and just stop there and say "well, that's it, that's all there is to this person"?

I know that my way tends to cause me to give some people more chances than they deserve. But sometimes it also pays off and you gain a good friend that a lot of people have written off. Maybe I do this because I know so well how it feels to be misjudged and I don't want anyone else to feel that way because I'm only willing to look at their outermost layers.

Any thoughts?

I see it, personally, the opposite way around. Most NTs have layers upon layers upon layers. And they are used to seeing those layers in others. And being able to, to some extent, decipher the layers underneath the top layer everyone sees.

Aspies - at least the ones I know, and myself - are two dimensional. We are what you see us as. We make no pretenses, hide nothing. And NTs see that, immediately discount it since their top layer is a "mask" that hides what's really underneath them, and they're expecting ours to be. And they look underneath our "mask" and see - nothing. And that confuses the hell out of them.

I think what you're talking about are the different personas NTs show in different situations. That's not what I'm talking about. I have the same personality no matter what situation I'm in. I don't have a "work" persona, "out at the club" persona, "home with the kids" persona, etc.,; I'm just me no matter what.

What I'm talking about is how, for example, I'll be at a party around people I don't know and at first I'll be really quiet, then I'll get up the nerve to interact and you'll see my sense of humor come out, then I'll get self conscious and become quiet again. Now because you don't know me, my sense of humor comes off as rude and abrupt and my quietness weird so you form the opinion that I'm a weirdo who is rude and judgmental. The problem is that you haven't been around me long enough to know the other parts of my personality.

I don't think I'm getting my point across here and that's frustrating. Sometimes I can't even communicate effectively in writing, which is why I don't post here a lot. Sometimes I really hate having this...

I have the same problem... I hate conveying my ideas through text. If it's something that's really emotional... it's even worse. There's a disconnect between my feelings and my thought process of forming words.

As to the topic, I think I get it. I don't know if it's layers exactly... but it takes time for people to truly understand me. To really get me, and realize that I actually have relevant things to say... that I am not anti-social... and can be quite friendly. That I am in a very silly person who finds humor in everything. This isn't something that is out there, when I sit in a corner contemplating what exactly I should say.

Just as it takes time for me to understand and respond in social situations. It takes time for people to really take me all in. I have frequently experienced people who flatly reject me on first site. There is something about me that initially doesn't sit right... or something.

But slowly they turn around... as I say something clever or funny. When they realize what I present isn't an idealized polished version of myself...it's just the real me. That when I say something I am truly honest with what I put forward. That I don't really want to or intend to aggravate anyone.

I think it's the curse of the introvert... for people not to realize how deep they actually are.

And if I completely misinterpreted your idea... well sorry about that.