Are you an intimidating person?

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One shrink told me once that maybe people didn't want to come over to me and talk to me when I was depressed because they found me intimidating; they didn't know how to deal with a depressed person. Sometimes I felt that way with my mother... it wasn't good-intimidating, I don't think... other times I totally didn't find her depression intimidating, just pathetic...


I remember once an instructor at sailing camp told me that the little kids found me intimidating and all I ahd to do to get them to stop throwing rocks at frogs was just tell them not to do it...


I remember thinking I was a pathetic-type person until I caught my own movement in the mirror; my head snapped up because I thought someone intimidating was behind me and I hadn't heard them coming into the bathroom... then I realized it was my own movement that I had been so intimidated by.


I remember in grade 12, once in creative writing class we did this exercise where we wrote as much as we could in a few timed minutes with the first words being "the thing about a sunny day is..." a few of us read ours out loud to the teacher in class. One person went on about how we should live life to the fullest, one went on about the scientific details of climate, one went on about how we should respect the environment more, and then it was my turn. I had written: "The thing about a sunny day is that when it's light, it's harder to engage in conspicuous behavior. I am so mad at myself! I lost my gun! I had it when I came to school! How could I have just DROPPED IT?" I started giggling and laughing when I got to the "just dropped it" part. Then the girl next to me started laughing, then someone else, then the whole class and the teacher! He siad he hoped this was fiction. I assured them that it was. He said, "You're from Montreal, aren't you? Hence the gun issue." I said yes, I was from Montreal. (This was when I had moved to Brockville to finish grade 12.) It was so fun! the teacher really liked it; he kept making veiled references to it for the rest of the class!


So then I remember missing one of his classes, and I went to him after class-- he and I were the only people in the room-- to ask what I had missed. I was wearing this baggy sweatshirt and nothing underneath it (hadn't had enough soap to do laundry, and we were poor) so I couldn't take it off! Anyway, what I didn't notice was that there was this bulge on one side at my hip... he probably thought I had a gun under it! He looked at it trying to be surreptitious, and that's how I noticed it myself! Anyway, he told me what I had missed, and a few days on the interim report on me he wrote that I hadn't missed any classes!

To some people I am, to some people I am not.

Although putting on 3 stones has increased the amount of people who hold to the former view and decreased the latter.

my mouth, at peak 'smile', is just straight across. When I smile, I grimace like I have intestinal gas. That is how people physically see me. Now, combine that with a serious demeanor and a propensity to blurt out the hard unvarnished truth (as I see it, of course, people's truth seems to vary) and I am formidible, indeed.
I also get up a lot of momentum when I pitch myself forward into a walk, and I have to concentrate deeply in keeping my physical body from not crashing into objects that might be in my path. All this combines to intimidate the hell out of anyone in that path or at the end of it, especially.

I have seen people literally run from my presense before I ever got to them, or opened my mouth to speak. Usually I wanted to ask them about some pretty broach or necklace that is sparkling on them, or they are wearing an especially snappy fashion item that I wanted to admire.

Poor people, my social signals are all haywire and well, they bail rather than stay to figure out my intentions.

makes for a lonely life, though.

Merle

If I lost a few pounds then probably no. Right now I'm six foot two inches and slightly overweight so it's not surprising folk take a step back now and again. This has only proved useful once, a kid pulled a knife on me so I just looked at the blade then kept on staring right into his eyes. He ran away.

Ed Almos

My natural confidence apparently comes across as pure intimidation.

I think maybe I come across as nervous or uncomfortable. Im not really sure how I look to people out in public places.

I noticed this within the last few years, because as I got older I got more nervous in social situations (expectations change from an adult).

I was at a training course last week. Everyone seem to get alogn well and chat with each other but no one ever approached me even though I cracked a few jokes and stuff. I think because of the reason above. Maybe I should film myself, but I absolotely hate looking at myself on film.

I'm not really intimidating at all. I'm a quiet and gentle person. I'm very polite most of the time, but don't talk much. Verbally aggressive or pushy people generally turn me off. I'm only intimidating when I get angry, but I don't show my anger around strangers. I'm also fairly big. I've started lifting weights because I like to be physically intimidating to make up for that fact that I'm a wimp verbally.

I can't walk into a room unnoticed. I can't sit in a crowd unnoticed. The only time I can be myself and not worry about intimidating someone is when I am alone. Hence, that is where I spend the most time. Several years ago, I gave up on trying to go along to get along and started working at night, alone or with one other person (if forced to do so).

I am big and loud and authoritative and smart and overwhelming. Thus, it is easier to be alone then to have to deal with people. I told my shrink a few weeks ago that "being me among humans is like trying to drive a Lamborghini thru a school zone". Everyone still stops and stares, points and whispers.

I'm tired of trying. I'm going to be a Lamborghini and the rest of the world is just going to have to deal with it. G-d made me what I am. I'm sick of trying to conform.

Apparently I am intimidating. I've never done anything aggressive towards my upstairs neighbor aside from telling on them for having 5 people and 3 dogs in their apartment which is against landlord's rule and told that they used drugs but they didn't get in trouble for that. Oh and their German Shepherds attacked me which is why I am in physical therapy for my knee for past 3 months.

Anyway this afternoon I went upstairs because the neighbor lady that lives next to them is out of town and she asked me to water her plants and pick up her mail. Mind you I probably grunted a bit because her door is really hard to get unlocked. Anyway as I was coming back downstairs I heard the other neighbors opened their window, looked out quick then locked their door suddenly as if they thought I was coming to get them. Which is hilarious because my knee is so messed up I could barely limp down the stairs yet they are scared of me!?

People often tell me to stop being so "intense".

But I don't know how because Im just being myself

I have been told I can be in black, but you'd have to ask those who have met me.

People get intimidated sometimes because of the way I dress and look, but once they talk to me usually their opinion changes.

I wouldn't think so. I AM 6' 260lb ~118KG, so by some accounts, MAYBE. I'm too passive though.

People on the train choose to stand rather than sit when the last spare seat is next to me, so I guess maybe a little Good way to get extra leg space!

I used to do a regular 5-7hr painful coach trip. If id managed to bag a 2 seat spot to myself at the start then just before the pickup outside the first city, id purposefully mess my clothes & hair up & try to appear like an unapproachable social misfit. Some people think simply placing their baggage on the vacant seat will do the trick - i like to go the extra mile.

Last edited by psych on 26 Aug 2007, 7:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I try to glare people away, but it doesn't always work.
I had a nice table to myself on the way down to London only for some man with a laptop to sit opposite.
I glared and glared and pouted and huffed and finally got up, grabbed my case and moved somewhere else.
Ack at anyone sitting that close facing me, especially a stranger.