Masking

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I was wondering if it's possible to mask your symptoms of autism so well that you don't realize what they really are even though you know "something" is wrong. And, I think it's common to mask so much that you don't know who you are anymore. But, based on my first comment, how would you know what to tell a dr that tests for autism exactly what's going on with you? Do they pick things apart so it's easier to treat and recognize the symptoms yourself?

Masking.... There are autistic people who mask, and those who don't/can't. The ones who do not mask are the ones who usually get diagnozed as children. The ones who mask can make it for years before they are discovered (Usually they either discover things themselves or they have some sort of breakdown or mental crisis where it is when they are found to be on the spectrum).

I hope this helps.

I have masked in triplicate which is why I was not diagnosed until early this year.

Thank you, Mountain Goat! I have been masking, too, I guess for a long time (probably since childhood), because I only learned I (probably) have it just recently. I am wondering how Im going to explain things to the Dr if I can't even get it straight myself.

Yes, that definitely does happen, that's why there are adults that get diagnosed as adults. Dissociation and depersonalization are definitely risks of excessive masking.

As for the doctor that's going to be case by case as there are things that are more common like dissociative issues, it's going to be unique to the person what the most important things are to address.

Just say you mask.

Thank you MatchboxVagabond. I can see where I could be depersonalizing. I have several other mental issues and I had thought that the one was causing all my problems. But, now, I'm thinking it is autism.

Saying, "I mask", sounds good to me!

Good.

I'm assigned male at birth, so I'd mask by hiding my feminine desires and behaviors. Most of the time, anyway.
I like floral clothing. Over the winter I bought an expensive floral silk blouse. Now that I no longer mask I'll find a special occasion to wear it.

Once folks got to know me they would see through the mask. Guys would tell me deep secrets, like their mom was an abusive parent. Or the health issues they were dealing with.

Socializing was hard because hiding my feminine mannerisms made me look fake.
Now that I no longer mask interactions are a lot more normal and less awkward.
It helps now that I'm small and petite with a feminine figure.

Thanks BTDT! You have made a great comparison to autism. Thank you for sharing your story.

When you say doctor, do you mean a primary care physician you've known for years, or a specialist specifically because you're wondering about testing to see for certain if you're autistic?

If you have a good rapport with your PCP, it's definitely worth talking about your growing awareness. They might even be able to steer you toward a good specialist or testing center. And if they're not supportive, well, you've learned something important about whether or not you're getting the care you need from there.

If you're thinking about going to a new doctor to explore this possibility, then you have to explain what has lead you to seek them out. That's not something you'd want to hide, anymore than you'd hide the fact you have pain when talking with your PCP. And they know what to look for, if they're good at their job.

Masking is a common way, especially for girls and women, to try to fit in while living in a NT world. It is what it is. As you learn more about yourself and possibly being autistic, you can decide if you want to change it or not.

Thank you so much for your reply! I mean a specialist. My mental health therapist has given me a number to call to be seen by an autism specialist at an autism testing center. I am currently in the process of changing my GP, so I will mention everything to her when I see her.

I am thinking more and more, literally every couple of hrs, that I am on the spectrum. I have been reading more information and looking back on my life and realizing things, that now seem to be explained by autism.

Thank you for your advice! I really appreciate it!

Unfortunately, that's not uncommon. I have a pretty long list of mental health conditions that largely came as a result of not being properly identified and supported early on. I definitely notice it a lot more lately when I'm being all dissociated and depersonalized.

One of my wishes is for medical researchers to just acknowledge that there can be a lack of clear outward signs pretty early and that sometimes all you really have to go on is that you're dealing with a space cadet that isn't really attached to reality, but going through the motions as a convincing facsimile of a normal person. I know I was, and it's made it exceedingly hard to get proper diagnosis and support.

Thank you!

take your time to sort it all out. Knowing or suspecting we might be autistic puts everything in a different perspective. Suddenly there are explanations for all the "whys' of the past. Doctors generally give a lot of tests and ask loads of questions. they are looking for struggles with social stuff, struggles in communication, and rigid or fixed beliefs and or behaviors from any part of our present or past. We might not recognize our own behaviors but the questions they ask and the tests we take will help make that clear. Everything about autism is due to struggles one way or another with sensory processing. More and more, diagnosing individuals will also include signs of neurological differences. Learn all you can about autism, this forum and many others are good for getting insights, explanations, and suggestions. There are many here with a history of living with their own autism, so you could say our experience can help!

There are so many books, videos, podcasts, blogs, pages from groups, discussions, forums, about adult autism today (still nothing compared to info about children's experiences). Eventually it will start making sense and you will be having "aha" moments of your own. Cheering you on, we are here to support and help if we can.

Specialists who have experience in diagnosing ASD in adults can usually see through any masking.

When they ask you questions, just answer honestly according to your gut feelings and try to avoid using your masking to provide the responses that seem most like those of a "normal person".

I agree it can be hard sometimes to let go of all those years of conditioning to hiding our true feelings and responses, but maybe think of it as being freeing - that diagnostic interviews are the one location in which you can genuinely be true to yourself without fear.