The only stim I feel a need to do in private is pacing. When I started doing it when 5 years old, I never let anyone see me pacing around because even then, I knew my folks would think it was strange and make me stop. However, they knew about my thumb sucking and as much as they tried to make me stop, I didn't stop thumb sucking.......until I started biting my nails. So one stim usually replaces another, in my case. The only time I flap is when I laugh really hard or get startled. I also tap my foot, swivel in my chair at work and twirl my hair.
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"There is difference and there is power. And who holds the power decides the meaning of the difference." --June Jordan