What is...

Post Reply New Topic

What is happiness? Anger? Frustration? Sadness? Excitement? Confusion?

I ask this, because I wonder about something... they say we have a difficult time expressing ourselves when it comes to emotions, trouble pinpointing what exactly we are feeling and when we are feeling it. Is it because there is no way to know EXACTLY what any of them feel like? If there was some sort of textbook definition that suits EVERYONE for said emotion, would it be easier?

I know when I am in a foul mood, but I have trouble expressing it as anything besides frustration. I don't really know where it falls over the edge into confusion, sadness, or anger. I can be screaming at the top of my lungs, and in the end, I'm saying the same thing: I'm frustrated.

When others ask me how I am doing, I really have no clue. It isn't that I'm not feeling anything-usually I am. I just cannot put it into words as easily as others. Is it because the feelings are not something I pay attention to often? So I haven't bothered to figure it out? ...is it because I don't know what certain emotions feel like to other people and I do not want to answer "wrong"?

Do other people actually have to ponder this when asked (mainly NTs I am meaning since we all seem to have similar problems), or do they just know immediately? Then, if they answer immediately, how can they know they are sure about it? How do they know it isn't a mix, or that it won't change, or whether or not it is appropriate for the situation? How do they respond so quickly when it feels like it takes me hours just to figure out whether I'm doing alright or not? Do they know because they have some internal mechanism that tells them what "happy" would feel like to someone else so that they can relate somehow? ...or does it even matter? Do they wonder if someone else's happy is the same as theirs?

Sorry, I'm just very curious as to how it all works if anyone has any clue at all. I'm tired of not being heard when asked a question just because the tone of my voice sounds irritable, and for some reason people cannot just put it aside, they have to take it personally! It's like an unwritten law. If they ask a question that bothers you, or ask a question while venting, they are allowed automatically to take it personally and get defensive instead of listening... I just don't get it or how it all works, how me being annoyed by something can somehow get turned around on me so that it's my fault the other person feels bad. It just doesn't seem possible for it to be entirely instinctive to me for some reason, but it must be... otherwise I wouldn't be seen as weird when people ask.

Actually, I have been in a lot of classes where they asked everyone to describe a common word, like license, and people had trouble, though everyone knew the answer.

If I had to define them:

happiness?

You feel good about the situation.

Anger?

You feel very bad about the situation, and see something/someone as the cause.

Frustration?

You feel like you are just spinning around, and things aren't improving nearly as fast as they should.

Sadness?

Much like anger, but you don't see anyone/anything as responsible.

Excitement?

Like happy, only much more so, and it often is due to something/someone.

Confusion?

You just don't understand.

I tried to explain it in its simplest terms. Hey, dictionary.com seems to almost assume you know the answer. happy =content=satisfied, etc....

This is a very good question, as I think it goes to the heart of how we "Aspies" differ from the "NT's." Personally, I feel that most of the problems of the world are caused by people who "feel" rather than "reason things out." It is almost impossible to define an emotion exactly, as it is a very personal thing. Yet, we are made to feel "different", or even immoral, if we choose to follow reason rather than feelings (as the alien invaders in the movie "The Invasion of the Body Snatchers"). But, feelings do not prove anything. For example, many people believe in God because they "feel" Him in their hearts, or because they want to believe very badly, or because they are afraid NOT to belive. How do any of these "feelings" prove anything, or make the world any better?
I'll leave you to ponder these ideas.

In the reply I just posted, I forgot to mention another movie reference that I feel is appropriate here. In the movie Contact, with Jodie Foster and Matthew whats-his-name (can't spell it--ha ha), Jodie Foster plays an atheistic astronmer and Matthew plays a religious cleric. The Matthew character asks the Jodie character "Did you love your father?" And, Jodie answers "yes." Then the religious cleric says "Prove it!!" This is supposed to convince the audience of NT's that you can't prove everything by reason and logic, and, therefore, that God exists, since you can't prove or disprove his existence by logic.
Of course, the error of logic in this scene from the movie is that feelings do not prove anything, either, because you cannot even prove that you are experiencing love. So, in my opinion, feelings are unreliable and ephemeral, and should stay out of any arguments that require facts and reasoning.

Language's purpose is to share things with other people, and so what's not important is exactly how we define anger, frustration, confusion, or whatever, but that there is a degree of common understanding of what these words mean. Feelings are by definition imprecise, that's probably why you have difficulty with them - we like everything to fit into neat little boxes and give them precise definitions, but emotions don't work like that. I think that what you have to remember is that everyone else only has a vague idea of what word corresponds with what meaning, they just usually go with a best guess, whatever feels closest, and the purpose of attaching the word to the feeling is to try and be able to tell others what you're feeling.
From that point of view, maybe getting across the subtleties that you're unsure of to another person isn't that important? If you're angry, it's less important that that anger may be because of frustration, confusion, whatever, than just getting across the fact that you're pissed off. I'd just take the emotions that you are sure of, and run with them, rather than worrying about trying to narrow your understanding of the subtleties.

Don't dictionaries have the sort of definitions you may be seeking?

lol, thank you both of you Yes, I agree the movie reference is a bit off, but I think they get the idea that since feelings cannot actually be proven, but they do exist... maybe it's meaning that is why he believes. I believe but get frustrated from time to time wanting real answers. But I have experiences to reference it... very very odd ones. Regardless though, I just like to have something to believe in because it keeps my spirits up usually. I have my days, of course, as everyone does, lol, but for the most part I guess I'm pretty... content, I guess you could say. But I do think in some way that God exists for people who believe, because we think things happen because of it, therefore we keep Him "alive" so to say within our own minds and hearts. It doesn't prove anything to anyone, including myself a lot of the time, lol, but I still do believe, and it seems comforting or calming, maybe somewhat more stable or something-especially when you need someone there to listen.

And mmaestro, yes, I think that is what goes on. I tend to get too analytical to make it to the point of accepting their answer, lol. Well, sometimes I should say, and others it just goes in one ear and out the other when someone says how they feel. I have looked things up in the dictionary, and there really is no answer because I guess everyone experiences it differently for each one. So the words they can use to describe it as 2ukenkerl stated is still in another emotional form, lol. It's very confusing. A very common answer for me when I'm asked how I feel is as follows:

"well, I'm a bit confused, I think I may be content though, but I'm not sure... since I'm confused I'm probably getting frustrated (or I am frustrated)."

It's always some huge mixed up answer analyzing how I feel, or I just say "I have no clue" or "I'm unsure". lol.

This may have a bearing on the question.

I have a degree in psychology and recall that most emotions are few when considered strictly from the perspective of the body's physiological (and endocrinological) response -- one of these is the "fear" response. However, we feel as if we have a wide range of emotions. To explain this there is a theory that many emotions may be "socially constructed" as the phrase goes. It follows that two emotions which we feel are distinct can have the same underlying physiological response.

It may be the case that Aspies lack many/some of these socially constructed emotions.