When the mask becomes an identity

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Whilst I am aware there are many folks here who don't mask, I am really interested to hear from those who do, or have done and how this
has impacted them long term.

The reason behind my curiosity is that in my role as ambassador for the National Autistic Society, I am passionate about raising awareness of the long term consequences of masking and how this impacts our mental health and identity.

For example, many people I know with autism, diagnosed in mid life, have spent a lifetime of unconsciously overcompensating for something they never even knew they had. Autism. Into this equation they believed their own PR, although deep down they felt inauthentic.

I've heard it said that many of us with high functioning autism have a rather fluid sence of identity and this makes perfect sence to me for the above reasons.

Please free free to share your experience of masking, identity and sence of self.

I think it's inevitable for the mask to become a part of your identity when it's a side of yourself (even though not an entirely authentic side) that you are constantly displaying.

I use to mask more in my late teens - early twenties. But now I mostly walk around with no mask. I've gotten to a point where it's just easier to do without the mask, I am simply too tired to do the act right now. I have adopted the attitude that if who I am makes you uncomfortable that's your problem not mine. Of course I don't go out of my way to be rude or hurt people's feelings. But if my monotone voice, lack of facial expression and limited social reciprocity upsets you then, oh well. I do find myself instinctualy slipping back into the mask once I get more energy, which is fine but I don't force myself to make faces and eye contact anymore when I'm tired.

The juice just ain't worth the squeeze.

I am a sociologist. Symbolic interactionism and presentation of self in the classical sense are some of my interest areas.

People have different behavior that varies based on the circumstances and who is present. None of us behave in front of people the same way we do when absolutely alone, so it's not accurate to say that some people are being 100% authentic. There just isn't such a thing. But some people mask more than others and masking definitely causes more stress for some people than others.

Something interesting to look into as a comparison to autistic people masking is gay people passing as straight in the 1970s and before and black people passing as white in the 1940s and before. There is the same questioning of self and loss of personal identity. The people who have to spend vast amounts of time passing have to also spend some time not passing in order to keep doing it for a long time, otherwise the stress is too much.

Thank you.

I did actually meet a cross dresser who said it was so much easier coming out as a cross dresser than it was as autistic. His reasons were that he feared people would make judgements about his "innauthenticy" and being "phoney" and this troubled him far more than being open about his sexuality.

Broadly speaking, I see myself as more of a self-improver than a masker, though some of what I do probably makes my ASD less conspicuous to NTs. I like to think my behavioural changes are about becoming more mature, decent, "spiritual," or whatever. For example, learning that not everybody who gets a bit angry with me is doing it out of groundless spite and one-upmanship (though sometimes it's exactly that). Sometimes, I reason, their plight is genuine and deserves a better response than "take your aggression and shove it up your butt" In a sense I'm "masking" until a more measured response becomes second nature, but it's a bit of a stretcher.

Sometimes I wonder if there's a real "me" at all, as if I have a free choice to be anything I want to be when it comes to social interaction. Sometimes I see somebody reacting in a way that's better than my reaction would have been, and I copy them. And after a time I'm just automatically behaving like that. So I suppose it becomes part of my identity.