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BoundlessMind_32
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10 Nov 2024, 4:05 am

Hi there,
I wanted to discuss how we handle anger issues and other negative emotions, especially for those of us with Asperger's or ASD. I've read that people with Asperger's or ASD often struggle with controlling their emotions.
However, I seem to the opposite issue - I control my emotions too well. For example, my anger burns like gasoline: very bright and very fast. I can't stay angry for long, maybe one or two hours, and then I'm done.
I find this puzzling because I know people who can stay angry for weeks, months, or even years. Maybe because I find negative emotions as unlogical because I keep asking myself, "Why would you want to stay angry for so long?"
So my question is - how long does your anger or any negative emotions last? Do you find it hard to stay angry, or does your anger linger for a long time?
I am curious about your answers.



Carbonhalo
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10 Nov 2024, 4:45 am

It depends on whether I get to break something.
If I break something I immediately get embarrassed and anger vanishes.
It would have to be a grevious offense for me to carry anger more than an hour.



BoundlessMind_32
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10 Nov 2024, 4:54 am

Carbonhalo wrote:
It depends on whether I get to break something.
If I break something I immediately get embarrassed and anger vanishes.
It would have to be a grevious offense for me to carry anger more than an hour.

Oh so it is like coping mechanism?



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10 Nov 2024, 5:01 am

It usually takes me a long time to realise that I'm angry about something. Or with someone.

By which time the appropriate window for an angry response has passed by.

So i don't deal with it very well at all. It never really gets dealt with.


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BoundlessMind_32
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10 Nov 2024, 5:13 am

DuckHairback wrote:
It usually takes me a long time to realise that I'm angry about something. Or with someone.

By which time the appropriate window for an angry response has passed by.

So i don't deal with it very well at all. It never really gets dealt with.

Hmm...Very interesting...



jimmy m
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10 Nov 2024, 8:33 am

Anger is a message that something/somewhere is wrong. So I do not feel anger in the common sense. I just convert it into solving the cause of the problem. Anger is a form of energy that the human body can use as a problem solver. You can gain so much energy by having your brain solve problems.


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10 Nov 2024, 8:51 am

Depends on what was done. There's things I'll never not be angry about, there's other things where it dissipates quickly.


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Ziggy Stardust
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10 Nov 2024, 11:58 am

My anger only lasts for less than an hour sometimes only for a couple of minutes.

It takes so much energy for me to be angry, so it is very exhausting and I can’t keep it going for long.

Also, the adrenaline and cortisol levels rise and I feel ill afterwards.

I try to find self soothing activities so I can calm down before I spiral out of control.



BoundlessMind_32
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11 Nov 2024, 4:03 am

Ziggy Stardust wrote:
My anger only lasts for less than an hour sometimes only for a couple of minutes.

It takes so much energy for me to be angry, so it is very exhausting and I can’t keep it going for long.

Also, the adrenaline and cortisol levels rise and I feel ill afterwards.

I try to find self soothing activities so I can calm down before I spiral out of control.

Yeah I know what you mean. Everyone should find things which helps with calming down. I have my books or looking at videos with laughing babies. But when it's too much and two things don't help, good crying session or throwing up is the last resort for me. I think it's called something like stomach neurose? I'm not sure.



bee33
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11 Nov 2024, 4:40 am

I don't really get angry like I used to when I was younger, before menopause. I used to get very angry and could stay angry for months and even years, not continuously but if the thing that was making me angry came into my head I would be angry. But continuously I could get angry and stay angry for several hours. Now I just get irritated or just sad and defeated.



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11 Nov 2024, 5:57 am

BoundlessMind_32 wrote:
Hi there,
I wanted to discuss how we handle anger issues and other negative emotions, especially for those of us with Asperger's or ASD. I've read that people with Asperger's or ASD often struggle with controlling their emotions.
However, I seem to the opposite issue - I control my emotions too well. For example, my anger burns like gasoline: very bright and very fast. I can't stay angry for long, maybe one or two hours, and then I'm done.
I find this puzzling because I know people who can stay angry for weeks, months, or even years. Maybe because I find negative emotions as unlogical because I keep asking myself, "Why would you want to stay angry for so long?"
So my question is - how long does your anger or any negative emotions last? Do you find it hard to stay angry, or does your anger linger for a long time?
I am curious about your answers.


I used to also get worked up about politics. I read posts here on Wrong Planet about politics and nod my head. I know where these people are coming from, I have felt such anger before, it is easy to consume the media and then get angry, because that is what the media is good at inspiring, anger. All media, not just one side or the other, by the way.

About things at work, I used to get angry, until I realized, "hey, I have asperger's, I'm regarded as a bit of a freak and not normal, and this is why so-and-so treats me this way. They do not understand why I am not making eye contact, they think I am arrogant or aloof. They jump to conclusions about me."

Now if I get angry it does not last for more than a few minutes. I get up from the computer or wherever and walk around the house and think about something else.


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11 Nov 2024, 11:02 am

It takes a lot to get an "angry" response from me, which makes people even more upset because they perceive it as me being dismissive or "looking down my nose" (I'm 155 cm tall so that phrase makes no sense). When I do respond angrily, usually it is a sentence and then I revert back to normal like nothing happened. Holding onto it feels silly.



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11 Nov 2024, 11:34 am

At the moment, I actually don't know. :lol:

Just few months ago...
I have this huge pile of background anger that I struggled to carry for practically most of my life... And it suddenly disappeared..


At the moment, I don't know.

All I know is that my record would be...
... Like about 23+ years of persistent chronic anger, constant background irritation and frustration.
Reason? I don't know what the heck my 5 year old self was thinking and reacting other than people around me are just not reliable.

Sure, I can still be happy, sad, afraid, etc. but it's too fleeing and doesn't stick.
Like my default is almost always anger and hate -- or at least one slight away from anger and hate and I want to be at least reasonable I couldn't be rational...

And it's not voluntary, not conscious.
My ego's just an enabler and my brain is just self preserving itself. :roll:

And it just stopped overnight.


I still get irritated, annoyed and frustrated, but now can choose to hold onto it, having a real option to be a bigger person instead of making me spew stuff or get stuck with such state involuntarily unlike before that changing event.

Before, my anger just burns really violently and it just subsist at almost every waking moment that it's wholly inappropriate.
Like it never gave me any pause, barely a room to grow around it, and spent so much of my mental energy over it.
Had to figure to use all of that pent up stuff into something I can make do until I'm just too tired of myself.

Now... It's just this weird other level state. Like a huge encumbering crap's gone.
And I'm still getting used to the fact that I finally had a room to grow around and outside that chronic anger and all that unwanted emotionality.

At the moment, nothing truly angers me... Yet.
It's quite a contrasting experience.

I don't know.
I'll give myself another year to answer this particular question. A major part of me is still hung over the very fact that 'I was right' and 'I got what I want.'... :o

I'm still exploring this... "Me now" and unlearning more crap from the "me then".


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BoundlessMind_32
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11 Nov 2024, 1:13 pm

^ Yeah, I know what you mean.

Before I get really angry like I used to do...It is hard to explain...I imagine my all negative emotions as a person. She would stand up and start screaming...and then she would step back, sit down...and look back and think why should I stop screaming? Does it matter anyway? Can I change something with that? Is it worth it anyway?

Few weeks ago I have found out that my colleagues talk about me behind my back and let me tell you, they say not nice things about me. It came to me like waves - surprise, confusion, anger, hurt and in the end dissapoitment. I said to my sister about this and she told me I should confront those b...tches (her words, not mine). And as I was thinking about it...

Close minded people like those colleagues around me don't change their opinion about thing. I could speak at them, I could scream at them, but it wouldn't change a damn thing. They would talk me s...t behind my back even more. It's liek talk to deaf people.

It doesn't matter anyway. I know I do my job, my boss keep telling my I do my job very well so what? Why should I be stressed or hurt about those people? Why they need boost for their low self-esteem be my guest...



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11 Nov 2024, 1:33 pm

My anger is very short term. I hardly hold grudges at all.

There are very few people in the world who I hate.


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12 Nov 2024, 10:56 am

For me it depends on what they've done and how the culprit behaves afterwards. If it's a relatively trivial act, I'm usually quite ready to forgive - there has to be a bit of give and take. For more serious matters, particularly if there's no genuine remorse, I might be angry about it forever. And whether or not they go and do it again makes a difference - obviously that suggests either a lack of real remorse or just plain incorrigibility. But my idea of what's serious might deviate from yours. I guess we all have things that set us off.

It's rather a strange subject because a lot of it is about perceived threats and attacks, and I don't think we always know whether the perception bears much resemblance to the reality. There's also an element of identifying with others in it - e.g. I tend to feel a strong desire to make bullies wish they'd never been born, even if they've never attacked me or anybody I particularly care about. I often stand outside of society, but if somebody gets bullied, I immediately identify with them. All this although I've never been bullied much myself, not according to my definition anyway.