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I was curious is it normal for us to end the day being angry and upset at times? I do ok at work but one woman upsets me, I feel she treats me differently, and I raise my voice at times, saying if you have a problem tell me now. The rest of my coworkers treat me well, but I still feel self conscious, paranoid, odd or eccentric, and just uncomfortable in general. I noticed NT's seem to get a charge out of participating socially, and I usually leave angry or upset privately.

I used to.

Even tried to claw my way out of anxiety and paranoia since elementary and all that and I did it successfully before adulthood.
Many thought I didn't leave that.

Because I'm still too angry, too volatile, that there's more work to be done despite that.
Turns out in my case, it's really just some unprocessed emotions since age 5, not some school bullying BS people assumed to be.

Then I have this residual habit of being 'too sensitive and egocentric' no thanks to whatever I mentioned above.

Been like too angry to enjoy stuff 80%+ at the time, too "prideful" or whatever that means, and unable to ignore internal crap, upset for seemingly no reason.
The other 20%+ is basically just some weird moodiness effect that I happened to enjoy.

Dysregulation all the same.
It's almost always all about my damn mood.

And all kinds of immature misperception that isn't really me, but a reaction to said unprocessed 5 year old's self misperception.


When that issue is gone, I can be truly be mindful over upset and be able to process it.

At the moment, mine is either boiled down to years of damnable habit of said state dictating what I feel or thought, or being hormonal with a stupid sensitive body.


Still, I kept dealing with the assumption that's me being autistic, not me being a damnable reactive human being.

Like, there are other factors too -- I'm not a true introvert. I actually am asocial.

Truth to be told, I actually don't understand what social battery even means.

After years and years of experience, I don't actually experience what constitutes as social draining -- nor does socializing energizing either.
It's almost always whatever mood that stayed throughout any interaction or any outcome that lingered out of reaction.

I either don't or just do. I enjoy my mischievous states, regardless of outcomes. I socialize still because I'm bored.

Situations or reasons do not matter. I don't have a real social pattern other than just having the mood to interact, no different than feel like wanting to play games or do art.

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