Diagnosed ASD + Executive Dysfunction

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I've been seeking support on my issues for 25 years, 5 years ago I was diagnosed with 'Atypical Autism Spectrum Disorder' because whilst the impact on my life was ASD - the expression of my ASD was markedly different from the typical (according to the diagnosis).

I loath sameness, I crave variation and change - and this difference has left me bereft of any value in my life.

Only recently I found out that I have a severe executive dysfunction in one specific area.

The circuit for initiation of actions is missing, I literally cannot start an action without an external source (e.g. someone else saying something, doing something etc). In the absence of others (or triggers from others) I stay in an almost entirely catatonic state. This state and sleep is around 98% of my life.

The issue I have is that I have no family, friends or any other regular reliable people that I can use as catalysts for action.

Is there anyone else here in a similar situation that might suggest a way out, a way to live ? One of my support workers likened me to an NPC in a video game that only starts up when a player character arrives. That is pretty accurate.

I doubt anyone else is in the same boat, but a catalyst happened to I write this.

I can't really identify too much as my problems were more with completion than initiation until recently.
My newfound reluctance to do anything has more to do with depression from losing all the things I did to define myself, anhedonia and post surgical pain.

I just wanted to say welcome to WP.

You either have way less intrinsic motivation in a subconscious sense that you only change in presence of someone else's actions, or that you really struggle with transition (task switching, task initiation, ending tasks) despite the novelty seeking.

Likely you also struggle with immense amount of inertia (not going) and, yet, there's no mention that you're struggling with momentum (not stopping).


Have you rule out mental health issues and issues around energy?

A form of programming like a form of reliance for being prompted?
Specific associations like "you're not allowed to do X (which can be anything) unless Y (other people)" as a form of upbringing than intrinsic?


In strategies -- do other people's voice or any noise they make alone and/or digital presences count as trigger, or they really have to be there with you physically?

Can you literally afford a body double (accountability partner of sorts)?

Do animals count?

Can you afford to live somewhere where you're not alone like a group home?
Or somewhere a bit crowded or less isolating?

Can you risk to live somewhere with less security from other people and less certainty that someone may not screw you?

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@Edna3362

It is neither motivation nor transition - I have strong motivation at all times to do things (this is a huge stress causer as I can't act on the motivation) and task switching is fine when something I'm doing for another person.

It is literally everything - from being able to go to bed, to watching a movie all the way to doing anything. I can deal with complexity (when asked I can write complex software solutions with no additional direction).

The energy isn't the issue either - as when I'm doing something for someone else I go non stop for days without an issue.

I simply don't have any voice in my head to tell myself to start.

I don't require physical presence, but there must be (or I must be convinced there is) a requirement that I'm doing something on their behalf.

I'm not well enough to have an animal, and my imprinting makes living with me untenable for others (this is a developed issue, not a core issue as my lack of doing anything has left me bereft of any practice on my social skills).

The risk of living with others is too high, even support workers need to be 'road tested' for compatibility due to my imprinting.

Thank you for your response.