things do not add up sometimes

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for example:

1. been working as a lot attendant @ home depot for four years, three months and counting. only working part time. scheduled 15-32 hours a week. public transportation takes a lot of time, money, and energy. exhausted all the time, especially 9-10am. usually go to bed 9-10pm and wake up 4am, unable to fall back to sleep. on days off work, nap between 7-8am. i only have one job. 41 years old. always been single. live alone. no car. no kids. parents dead for a longfuck time. zero "friends". haven't had "friends" for a longfuck time. autism diagnosed age 21. clinical depression diagnosed. dyssergenic defecation. zero other diagnoses. 5'3, 115#. sometimes my feet hurt.

plenty of coworkers much older than me, heavier/fatter, work two full time jobs in restaurant/retail/sales for minimum wage. standing up jobs. but they are so energetic they are constantly flapping their stupidass traps, even on break and on lunch (especially on break and on lunch). how is it possible they are so energetic and i am so lethargic?

2. i had a lot of difficulty applying for health insurance. some of my coworkers struggle to form complete statements. how the f**k did they get health insurance?

3. plenty of day laborers loiter outside home depot, all day, every day. what the flying f**k do they stand around talking about? what are they looking @ on the phone? i would be bored stiff if i had to stand in the parking lot all day every day. the day laborers hardly ever get work, and when they get work, they do not get paid that much. the day laborers get into strangers cars. that sounds really dangerous to me. anyone with a car could pick up a day laborer. the day laborer doesn't know if the driver is a convicted felon, has a weapon, or where the driver is taking the day laborer. once the day laborer gets into the driver's car, the driver might take the day laborer anywhere and the day laborer has zero control. but the day laborers keep loitering outside the parking lot all day, every day, anyways. don't they care about their physical safety? how many day laborers have gotten abducted? some day laborers have their own cars. how do they pay for them?

4. plenty of precious lil "people":
have felony convictions
not authorized to work in the country
don't speak english
zero job skills

they have a lot of really large barriers to employment. but some of them still pay for cars and children. how the f**k do those lil dipshits do it?

5. the police officer website explains what physical fitness test the cops have to pass. the tests sound really difficult and only the physically strongest and fastest and healthiest could pass. but plenty of cops look way too old and fat to pass the tests, but they are still cops. for example, Officer DEH. the one that used to bother me over and over. (thank buddha, haven't seen that ass hole for a couple of weeks). how the f**k do they do it?

6. around where i live and where i work, not that many public litterboxes. where does everyone else go to the litterbox?

7. plenty of precious lil "people" earn minimum wage, not just me. however, many of them pay for:
cars
kids
vacation to other continents
pets
boxing lessons

They appear to be wasting a lot more $$ than they are earning. (things not always the way they appear)
How do they do it?

8. why the f**k do precious lil "people" talk so much and so loud and so enthusiastically? gimmie a f*****g headache, s**t! they act like every thought and emotion that goes through their heads, is the latest greatest scientific invention. then when i try to say the slightest thing, those ass holes have the nerve to half listen and grunt "huh" and "what" like they are the etiquette equivalent of "excuse me".

9. assumptions/expectations/judgments
they see something, and then they make overgeneralizations. (pattern recognition). situational vs dispositional

10. positive judgments are as judgmental as negative judgments

11. manipulation

s**t!

I've never understood how so many other people can stand doing their jobs, how they manage to stay on benefits, fill in their tax returns in the USA, and travel by plane. So far I've always been able to do these things well enough to survive, but it's always felt like very hard work and I've always felt in grave danger of coming unstuck.

I suppose people don't show their anxiety and difficulties on the outside so much, so they might not be as confident and able as they look, but they still seem to breeze through life much more easily than I do. I once heard of a NT kid and an autistic kid who were collaborating on a school project. The NT kid said, "This is hard isn't it?" and the autistic kid replied, "Everything is hard." I think that sums me up quite well. I know I usually get good results, but when I'm trying to tackle a problem it feels as if I can't do it. I'm extremely mindful of the way things might go horribly wrong for me.

The most common way of getting health insurance is to hold a full time job.

If you have health insurance from a full time job Human Resources will do much of the work for you.

I've been at my current job for 20 years, after 90 days (I think) I was eligible to sign up for Dental and Health Insurance. Went into HR and it was done in 10-15 minutes.

Ah well, if you've got somebody to do it for you, and they're used to the concepts, life gets much easier. I usually try to do everything myself, which may be a grievous fault.

Am not sure how comfy around money , you are. but am kinda surptised unless you really like the work you are doing? after that many years, have you ever asked what it would take for you to become a cashier?.... if you thought that was a better job??