How did a formal diagnose as adults help you with your life?

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Hi, this is my first time posting here.


I am a 39yrs old male, separated after 10years of marriage with one kid. I work as a nurse in Australia(moved here when I was 22).

A few years ago, I had a difficult time with my marriage, depressed, angry all the time, always tired. My ex told me to see a psychologist for depression/anger management if I wanted to keep my marriage.


The main focus of the therapy was to know what I have been through since my childhood, and why I felt the way I did, what triggered etc.


I saw the psychologist only for a few sessions then I stopped. I just didn't like the way she prepared her Eftpos machine as soon as the session was over, which is totally normal and nothing wrong with it.


One thing I remember was that she mentioned that I have a few traits of Asperger's but not quite enough to be diagnosed. But we never did any assessment or went further into it as the sessions were more about my marriage/mood swings etc.


I ended up separating, and was very depressed for the first 18months or so. Never sought professional help but eventually I got it under control.


Recently, I was working a night shift and found out that my co-worker was diagnosed with ADHD. As we were talking, I found many similar traits she has but also very different in some aspects. I started thinking about Asperger's/ASD again whether I have it or not.


I asked my friend from high school(honestly I don't have anyone else to ask as I lost contacts of all my "friends" from primary/middle school), my sister and and my mother if there were any behaviours that they noticed that were different.


I started writing them down lately so it can be shown to a psychologist/psychiatrist if I actually decide to get a formal assessment(costs over $3k so I am not sure at this stage).


I would like to have your opinions if these are similar traits/experience you have/had(those who are formally diagnosed with ASD/Asperger's).


So here we go.


Childhood


Couldn’t tolerate anything around the neck. All the labels had to be removed.

Sucking a thumb when sleeping till primary school.

Intense interest in dogs, borrowing every book on dogs from the library. Researching all nights sometimes. Going to dog shows, meeting people from dog groups. Trip to a different city to see a stranger’s dogs with a friend who is not interested in dogs(was only 14 or 15 yrs at the time).

When a classmate mentioned that he liked a certain breed of dog, I wrote down all the details of the dog breed in a piece of paper(word to word from the book I read) and gave it to him. He didn’t understand why I did that as he never asked me to do so. I was embarrassed and surprised by his reaction.

During kindergarten, always asked mom to check if my backpack is in the right position on my back, again and again before leaving home.

Couldn’t tolerate socks and took them off as soon as allowed.

Not good at team sports-soccer, basketball etc. Was reasonably good at individual sports- martial arts, table tennis.

Good memory for certain things especially if it is within my special interest.


Now


Don’t enjoy and avoid social events/small talks(but can manage if needed).

Feel uncomfortable with eye contacts.

Sensitive to loud or repeated noises and certain smells.

Depressed/anxious at times. Mood swings and procrastination.

Notice small details easily that others may miss.
Prefers routines and can get upset when things don’t go as planned/imagined.

Drive/walk the same roads/streets even though they may take longer than others. Parking in the same spots even though other spots nearby available.

Dislike crowded areas/shopping centres.

Work only night shifts(nursing) as it is more quiet and controlled with less people around.

Often eat the same food or drinks. Don’t like trying new things.


Communication


Able to read other people’s intentions/facial expressions during conversations.

No obvious problems communicating or playing with others since childhood(as I was told by the high school friend).

Was told that I don’t show too much emotions, speaking very flat sometimes.

Quiet voice. Was mocked at school when I was in primary school due to a 'baby-like' voice.

Some people were offended by what I said, which I thought was just a friendly joke. But this doesn't happen often.




I do think some of these sound similar to the traits of ASD. But since I have never had trouble communicating with others/social interactions as a child, this confuses me.


And honestly I am not sure what I am trying to achieve by getting a formal assessment which would cost me a lot of money.
But also I would like to know, if it would somehow help me with my life in the long run.

How did getting a formal assessment/diagnose help you with your life? Was it worth doing it as an adult?(also those who found out you don't actually have ASD).

Thank you for reading this long post. And thank you in advance for those who share their experience and reply to my question. Any comments would be much appreciated.

I did not even consider whether I was Autistic until I was 64. And it was not some brilliant insight on my part...my sister works as a nanny for special needs children and happened to take one with her when visiting our then-still-alive 88 year old Dad who saw some similarities between that thought-possibly-to-be-Autistic kid and me (that was in 2018...I had been that kid's age in the 1950s so I apparently made a strong impression on Dad).

What I'm trying to say is that I was clueless about being Autistic myself for more than sixty years and only considered it when circumstances dropped a big clue. There's no reason for me to think I can diagnose you.

Some complicating factors:
- The traits of Autism are not unique to Autism.
- It is possible to have Autism traits but not enough so to qualify for the diagnosis.

So, it takes a professional Autism Assessment, by someone qualified to perform it, to determine whether or not you are Autistic.

The AQ test, however, can give you an indication whether or not you are on the right path before you seek a professional diagnosis.

I'll admit, however, my diagnosis pleased me greatly. I was 64 and had been comfortably retired since I was 56 so my diagnosis really has had very little practical value. But it was really nice to understand myself and my past experiences so much better.

But the important thing would be an accurate diagnosis.

P.S. Besides understanding the two biggest benefits of learning I was Autistic were:

- WP. You don't have to be Autistic to be on WP but it was discovering I was Autistic that lead me here.

- Now, when my bride bumps up against one of my Autism traits I can say:

I have a doctor's note for that!

Welcome to Wrong Planet

The formal diagnosis has helped my self esteem. It explained why a lot of things in my life happened the way they did and that the causes of many of my errors were not character flaws but the way I am wired. It has helped me avoid situations that are bad for me, and when they can't be avoided how to mitigate them.

If you decide to go for a formal diagnosis try to find a clinician who understands how autism presents in adults.

As of now, I'm getting reassessed after 15+ years.
For me, at the moment, is to know where I'm now. Because I'm not 14 anymore.

As someone who doesn't mask and is not super eloquent, and likely refuses to.

And needing some medical aide because of constant dysregulation due to internal disruptors; it's to stop idiotic presumptions that I need psychiatric help instead of actual biological evaluation.

When said biological causes is what caused most damnable "behaviors". and "attitudes".

I will not disclose any damnable label. Why shouldn't?
Do I need to take an antipsychotic to get my hormones checked or have an untreated chronic illness treated?
Or for them to deny the possibility ot exists because whatever I'm having is "a part of that label shite"?

Stupid ignorant, really, it's no wonder why I DIYed.
Also why I flat out refuse disclosure because they're clueless ****tards of this era about autism.

Only that I need what I need to look for.

The main point I'm getting from a neurodevelopmental check up while turning 30 is to give me multiple referrals because **** words and wording and navigating this crap because of this damn body.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

The main benefit of my DX was to get me out of a tricky situation that had developed at work. They were trying to shove me into a kind of work I'd never been hired to do, and it involved quite a few things that Aspies notoriously struggle with. I'd been getting a bit of criticism for my performance, though I mostly noticed their dissatisfaction from overhearing the odd behind-my back remark and from a few vague insinuations. I hated the bloody work anyway, and fitted my normal job a lot better. I was becoming apprehensive about the new work and felt that I couldn't cope with much more of it as they cranked up the expectations over time. Anyway, after I handed in my DX they had to back off. Good sense prevailed and they just gave me a few specific tasks instead of expecting me to intuitively deduce what they might want of me all the time.

But that was the only benefit, and even then they never produced any minutes from the meeting we had about the new situation, almost as if they were reserving the right to deny they'd ever given me any concessions. As time went by it became clear that they weren't interested in tailoring the job to a detailed profile of my ASD traits, and that they felt it was enough to just quit picking on me. So I started feeling rather unwanted and wasted, and when I asked the boss to study my case a bit better, he didn't rise to the challenge, and that was one of the main reasons I quit not long afterwards.

I applied for the cooking component of the Disability Living Allowance, but they turned me down. True to Aspie form, I hadn't realised they expected supporting statements from the Great And Good. I thought they'd be logical about it. Nor did they ever give me a proper explanation of why they'd turned it down. But it was only a tiny bit of money, and they were about to abolish the DLA anyway, so I didn't bother appealing.

All my doctor did was to offer me sedatives and pep pills for anxiety and depression, which I never took up. Didn't need them. A hospital doctor sent them list of adjustments they could make, but they never did anything.

There were no offers of counselling sessions or mentoring, no offer of an advocate to help me deal with awkward bureaucrats. No support at all.

So I just trudged on under my own steam and carried on winging it like I always had. I only once declared my ASD to any professional service providers - an airline - and it did no good. They just asked me if I needed a wheelchair and got somebody to lead me to my gate.

I don't regret getting the DX. It got me out of that problem at work, though I'd have probably been able to hold down the job until I could just about afford to retire. I was only a few years from pensionable age anyway. The DX helped me to understand myself better, but even that was a double-edged sword. Along with the self-knowledge there came the awareness that I was part of a demograph that often gets misjudged and discriminated against, and seen as inferior to the NT community. So holding onto my self-esteem was a bit of a challenge for a while, though it doesn't bother me much any more.

One thing - my DX didn't cost anything like $3000. If it had, I might regret spending that much money.

For me, the autism dx was like a thumb tack in a map...you are here. From there it gave me direction, things to try to make my life more comfortable and less difficult. Knowing what was going on with me was necessary to figure out ways to try to treat my issues to the best of my abilities and try to learn patience and compassion for myself over things I might never be able to change.

My diagnosis had a profundly positive psychological impact. It finally gave me some answers around why I find certain things so hard.

The practical impact towards improving my life was... zero. The diagnosis gave me answers without any solutions.