One thing that doesn't seem to fit...

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Ok, this is one wierd thing. I've been diagnosed Aspie and all, but I keep hearing people here discuss how they like to be alone alot. I used to be like this, but since I started making friends I've gotten increasingly uncomfortable with being by myself, like my life is passing me by and I'm missing something important. Is this normal?

Sounds like you were misDX'd.

Happens, I'd suggest looking into BPD, NPD and ADD.

I like spending lots of time on my own but hate being completely alone 100% of the time.

I would like to be able to have a few friends but I can't handle many.

The best scenario for me is being on my own 80% of the time and having one close female friend who I feel comfortable enough with to go out and do stuff (and to have cuddles).

I haven't got that quite right yet but I am working on it.

So I too am diagnosed and feel like I need some contact (albeit not all the time)

I don't like to be alone all the time. I just need to be able to have alone time when I'm not out and about. It's more lake a safety zone thing. Being by myself feels safe. I can unwind and don't have to worry about as much.

Hmmm. I feel the exact opposite. If I am out, I feel like I am missing something important at home. I usually prefer to be at home working on my stuff there, otherwise I feel like I'm losing time and getting further behind on things.

From what I've been observing here on WP and from reading info on the internet, it seems that AS affects males and females differently. I think both want friends and socialization but females want it more and are better apt to attempt it. Both seem to have difficulty with maintaining friendships after they make them though. Maybe it'd be easier to make friends with people of like minds, like they did on the movie Mozart & The Whale.

You don't have to be introverted to be autistic. Wanting to spend time with people does not mean that you've been misdiagnosed.

What I was gonna' say.

I'm introverted, but I still have strong desire to express myself to others. Over time I've learned it's usually too dangerous (emotionally) to reveal oneself to most people, so only dare openly be "myself" around few confidantes. Am shy & nervous in public, animated & forthcoming in private.

I do get "spells" of this mental state, especially when I think about dying, the shortness of life & how limited the time is, and how all one can do is try to have positive relationships with some other creatures. I get feeling of "any time spent doing anything other than trying to build relationships with other people is wasted" & I get anxious & panicky at my isolation/anomie.

In theory, I'd like more friends-but in practice it's too hard to find people with whom I'd be compatible. So I'm often alone-it's preferable to being around people I dislike (and in places I dislike being). Then I can't discern whether I really prefer being alone, period-or would I feel the opposite if only I knew some people with whom I'd get along well & then I'd enjoy spending my previously solitary time with them instead ? Don't know if it's my choice, what I want, to be alone when it feels like a need (to avoid most people because their presence upsets & stresses me).
Sometimes feel like I could be doing good in someone else's life, and vice versa-but that the people who'd genuinely appreciate & value me aren't likely to be people I'll ever meet. Other times, I feel like I wouldn't be doing anything worthwhile for or with someone else, so neither of us (me & a hypothetical future friend) is missing out by not knowing each other. Depends on my self-esteem at the time.
Activities I like to do (read & draw) are solitary & mental. Like to have conversation with certain people, face to face-but opportunities to interact are insufficient for developing my social life, range of acquaintances and familiarity with others in community. Am rather agoraphobic (and socially anxious), too.

one of the ASDers am live with is attention seeking, constantly trying to be around people and talk about anything to people.
liking to be around people is not a way of saying someone does not have an ASD,it does not make a person any less worthy as an ASDer.
am think the reason why wanting to be on own is common can be due to several autism and aspergers related traits such as sensory overload and socialising tiring the person but they do not have to affect every body.

it is not an exclusive rule to being female,some females will like socializing more while others are of the typical male stereotype.

Don`t be downearted it could be just a stage you are going through...

There are some aspies who WANT to be sociable, but aren't clued up on how to go about it. Looks like you got clued up is all. I find if I'm with ppl I don't think too much about what worries me, because I'm being distracted. Is it like you're thinking too much when you're on your own?

I've read that women with AS in most cases have better social skills than their male counterparts but they crave for contact with other people much less than it takes place in men.

I've read also that it's claimed by some psychiatrists that a lack or desire to meet new people and socialise with them suggests schizoid personality disorder rather than AS while (at least according to those doctors) ASers would want to be a part of community but they don't have a natural knowledge how to achieve this. Generally, as far as I know it's sometimes hard to judge whether a patient has SPD or moderate Asperger's, especially when he's not already a child.

WatcherAzazel,

I don't agree with flagg. I am probably older than a lot of you. I USED to not care NEARLY as much as I do now. Frankly, you sound like a normal ASPIE in that respect to me. Most of this site is about CONNECTIONS.

I think being AS goes in cycles, and you start out just not really caring, and may end up regretting. I know that is how it was with me. BUT, if I had my choice? I would LOVE to have had even ONE girl friend that I considered nice and smart, that was even moderately attractive, and that I could do anything with. THEN I could have taken all the bad from anyplace in full stride.

But when you have a lot of people around that DEMAND to do things you need, and take forever, or do them badly, invade your space, want to talk to you ad nauseum about things you don't care about, and have rituals you don't want to be a part of, GOOD RIDDANCE! So I think the isolation happens more out of frustration and lack of desire to have company, than out of desire to NOT have company.

I disagree. I also like interacting with lots of different types of people and do so on a regular basis.

I disagree. I think as a group, that heterosexual AS men like the idea of a close relationship with a woman, and don't care so much about other friends, and that may be switched for a lot of AS women. Of course, you may not realize your desire for something you already have or could easily get, so women might be blind to that.

hopefully watcher azazel i'll have that problem some day