Another "Am I an Aspie?" thread

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Hi guys and girls,

I know you must get this a lot but the last week or two I've been dabbling in Aspergers research and seem to mostly fit the profile, however I could just be having a hypochondriac moment. I don't know exactly what features are important in determining Aspergers and what are just standard introvert traits, so I thought I'd ask.

- Eye contact:
I generally don't make eye contact though I am getting a lot better and force myself to, though I always feel uncomfortable. I remember multiple times at a local GP as a teen (I can't remember why I was even there) my mum and the doctor were both specifically pushing for me to look the doctor in the eye, saying "make eye contact" continuously, perhaps they even suspected it.

- Interests
I always got A's in Maths but C's in subjects I wasn't overly keen on (C being the lowest pass in Australia) and generally won't do homework even now at uni for the easiest subjects, but always get stuck into the crazily hard mathematical based assignments that most people (who usually are far ahead of me) always crash and burn on, and somehow I'm often the only person in the group to pass them. I'm doing computer coding now and only really excel and enjoy coding mathematical and logic type systems such as machine learning. I tend to only have a few interests at a time. When I was fairly young I was fascinated by Julius Caesar and chose him for a topic every year in early school. For awhile I had a huge interest in robotic nanotechnology and had collected tons of information on it then one day just lost interest.

- Habits
I don't stick to routines but I do however do the same thing pretty much every day. For the last three or so months I've been buying the exact same sandwich from Subway every day, I noticed today every single time I still "um" over the options but just chose the same wheat bread/toasted/cheese/ham/vegetables/sauce/drinks. I fidget like crazy, whenever I see my parents (rarely just because I don't really have any desire to, though we're not on bad terms at all) my mum often will jokingly yell at me to stop tapping or spinning something in my hands if I'm sitting down talking. I've also always tended to follow patterns while walking like coloured tiles at a supermarket or pavements with consistent cracks, as a kid I used to half tune out the world and be more intent on following zigzagging black tiles with my feet.

- Dislikes
I really dislike noise and glare, I live with two heavily introverted people for the specific reason nobody here plays music or makes much noise, I tend to peg curtains close and can't sleep if there is light under my door. I used to always have a fan on no matter what the temperature but now my computer seems to have replaced the noise source. I used to insist to my dad I couldn't wear jeans or sunglasses growing up, they just make me feel uncomfortable, I noticed this seems to be a trait going by these boards.

- Social
I'm just not good socially, I talk way too quietly, am bad with strangers, generally am uncomfortable in large groups. I've been told I have a weird walk as well. I'm very unaffected by peer pressure, I never wear what other people wear I've ever gotten unusually angry at close friends in the past for suggesting I should. I don't smoke and don't care if everybody else is, and I don't even really drink that much. I'm also very unassertive. I have effectively no experience with the opposite gender despite being absolouty stupidly enticed by them, I just don't know how to initiate anything, nor do I even think to try. I've often been told I'm the last person to pick up on something as well.

- Emotions
This is where I'm having doubts, I think I'm a fairly sympathetic person but don't really get overwhelmed by it, though am quite detached from my emotions. To be honest I've often questioned if I know what love is, I don't know if I love anybody in my family but I know I'm attached to them and would be sad if something happened to them. That being said when say my mum popped into the lounge one afternoon with terrible news that my grandma died my sister exploded in tears screaming "no no" but I just went right on watching the simpsons. I didn't even realise my dad had become fairly alcoholic and had taken up smoking over it until years later when my mum pointed it out, since he was apparently fighting with his mum (my grandma) in the days before she died. I do really "get" and become attached to characters in stories however, which seems to link the body signals awareness thing.

- Arrogance
I am fairly self centered, all my equivalence of "morals" revolve around how I've justified them to help me. Ironically though I've come to the conclusion that it's best to make sure everybody else is happy. That being said I do really want to be humble, since I worked out long ago it's important for self improvement.

- Motor Clumsiness
I don't play sports, I'm not really interested in it, and Australia is a huge sporting nation, everybody I know follows several. I just don't know what to say if the topic comes up. I could never catch and always tend to drop things.

- Odd correlations
I read that it is believed people with Aspergers often suffered oxygen at birth, as far as I know I was born with pneumonia or got it very early and was in a bad state for awhile, though that was quite possibly later also. I was also told in late highschool I was way ahead of my time in a self reflection report we had to do before graduating, though now days I feel like I'm more kiddish then everybody around me, at least when I'm not alone I tend to act it.

Anyway this is getting really long but I think you get the picture, I feel as though Aspergers really fits me well but I don't completely believe I have it, and it's possible these aren’t the defining features just stuff I have in common.

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated as I'm thinking about this constantly.

-Thanks,
RB

Much of that sounds like you could have AS.

BTW I had pneumonia early on also, but I don't think there is ANY correlation. Besides, it shows genetic patterns, and oxygen starvation doesn't have such patterns. BTW pneumonia just meant I had to work harder to get the oxygen, and I was put into an oxygen tent. I doubt it had any long term effect. That is probably true in most cases. Anyway, I definitely seemed different even when I was practically a baby(I don't think I had pneumonia yet), and seemed the same even after the pneumonia.

And HEY, I thought the US was the only one with that grade system. A,B,C,D,F(Excellent, Above Average, Average(Though considered a bad grade),Below average(Which sometimes means failed),Failed). At least that is how the US was when I went to school. Just before I left highschool, I heard of some parts changing some things.

Thanks for the reply, I wasn't really sure about the pseumonia thing I just have been seeing links everywhere which is why I'm having doubt. I think my older brother and perhaps my mother both have similar traits though not as strong. My brother was a maths type as well, and is a software engineer now.

btw in Australia we have A,B,C,D,E ie an F is just replaced with an E, though I've heard they're changing it here as well.

You sound like a gifted person, indeed. It usually makes diagnosis more difficult (you would adapt to social stuff by processing it in your mind scientifically, sometimes fast enough so it seems just like everyone else). But, yeah... there are definite signs. Probably best to hang around a bit longer on the forum and see if you recognise yourself. Also, have you met anyone in life with Asperger's ? Usually that clears up a few things too.

You may find it hard to get officially diagnosed though. Psychologists don't seem to catch on that we are feeling more relieved than boxed once we get our "label".

I don't know anybody diagnosed, though I think my brother is similar but has learnt to deal with it better.

A friend who is doing psychology at uni today ran me through the list of diagnosis and was convinced I don't have it, though to be honest I couldn't find the right words to explain how I did fit the profile descriptions very well and she was really impatient and pushing to prove I didn't have it, it turns out she was annoyed that I've been going on about how I think I have Aspergers all week. (in an internet chatroom a few of us from uni use, I would never have a chance of describing myself verbally) She thought I was attention seeking and I'm not ruling that out but I don't feel I am at all, Aspergers really seems to fit my life, but I definitly won't be talking to anybody around me about it again for awhile. However she did seem to be convinced all the symptons were on the "clearly" "ret*d kid" "flapping arms" scale so I don't know how much stock I want to put in her understanding of it, since everybody who has it seems to just have subtle quirks like me. According to her being apprehensive towards certain things such as shaking hands wouldn't be a sign because I don't refuse to shake hands.

There is an Aspergers clinic right here in Brisbane Australia called Minds & Hearts who I will probably go to if the evidence builds up, since they would have experience with it and know what is and isn't important. One strong reason I have to doubt it is that I can read and enjoy novels though don't read heavily, I however have a huge deal of trouble with lecture notes and constantly reread the same lines over and over but just can't take it in if the sentence is too long, which seems to be the opposite of an Aspie who from what I understand take in technical writing very well but not fiction.

Thanks again,
RB.

Is that true? I think I definately have AS but I love fiction

Hi Sarah,

I picked it up after having the idea to search youtube for Aspergers videos since I don't know anybody diagnosed. A few mentioned difficulty with caring about fiction and reading: http://youtube.com/results?search_query ... rch=Search

I forgot to mention there have been some key moments in my life where friends have said I was just increadibly rude or lacking understanding of say a waitress where I used to always think I was a really nice guy, I think that has since taught me to be very careful with being polite. I also used to have terrible hygiene and would wear the same clothes constantly, not wash my hair or use soap. I didn't pick up on it until somebody mentioned the girls warning each other that I musn't use deoderant during school dancing lessons. Little things like this make me wonder how clueless I am about some social concepts, I try much harder now, but still tend to stick to the same soft clothes.

It IS something many sources say, but I think it is just another misunderstanding. I am OK with fiction, and most HERE obviously are, as are those on ASDGESTALT, etc...

If you went to my home right now, You would see HUNDREDS of books. Only about 15-20 are fiction. If you narrow those down to English ones, I think I only have ONE! FIRESTARTER! In my hotel room, I DO have the last book I bought, which is fiction "Harry potter and the deathly hallows"! Still, you would DEFINITELY get the idea I HATE fiction. It isn't true, but the books say it is. The other books have to do with mechanics, electronics, computers, languages, biology, etc...

Well for years I didn't read but I've recently taken it up again, I had some difficulty after reading for awhile but that could be entirely typical.

More symptoms I've been seeing is that my motor skills are terrible in that I've broken multiple tap handles because I can't judge how hard to turn, and my writing has always been terrible. I think it was in year 2 my teacher used to insist I held my pen wrong but I could never learn to hold it right.

Your friend sounds like the typical future clinical psychologist who will produce piles and pile of wastebasket diagnosis for all of her high-paying "clients."

As for reading, I don't do fiction unless it describes a world model pretty well ie a scenario-based narrative. Star Wars, Dungeons and Dragons (80's child) and Mac Bolan books when I was a kid but those were outlets for my technical interest in the world systems those stories offered (art + movie making, game rule design and weapon technology). As for technical writing, it doesn't really count as technical if it's really chatty layperson-oriented fluff that takes forever to get to the point. I need 1+1=2 get to the point just the facts ma'am hurry-up my eyes are glossing over here people.

Well I guess it is true I do do a lot better on lecture notes (or technical writing) that get straight to the point as opposed to fluff, though that I would say is not a trait specific to Aspergers.

So far my limited (but highly enjoyed) reading has all been similar, as a kid I loved Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Animorphs & The Tripods. The only books I've read in my adult life are the Farseers and Riftwar series. I generally love the politics in these stories (particulary the empire miniseries) and have been a bit obsessed with politics for a few years, though in a "wish I could be apathetic" way since nobody else seems interested, if that makes sense. I just get very riled up over issues of liberty and fairness which again I'm (perhaps stupidly) linking to AS traits.

After listening to what people have said I'm fairly certain I should get a diagnosis or this is going to toy at me forever, though I'm going to wait at least a week to think about it, and see what else I find out.

fiction.
it depends on how 'strong' the persons' asd is,but is not something that stops a person from being diagnosed.
if the person has very literal rigid thinking and factual only imagination,it can be impossible to accept or understand anything that isn't real.

The New York Times ran an article about girls with HFA, and in the article it mentioned that a lot of them were avid fiction readers. I know that doesn't apply directly to you since you're male and you suspect you have AS instead of HFA, but it does prove that people with ASDs can enjoy fiction. I'm a female and not diagnosed, but I know that I used fiction as a child to escape from the confusing world of real people. I felt closer to the characters in the books than to real people, because their motives were spelled out explicitly for me.

I feel a lot like this, I don't know if I can classify my current group of friends as even friends or just people I see a lot. I still have a much stronger connection with my old school friends but I generally don't find the time to get over to where they all live, nor do I always feel up for social interaction when they actually invite me. They always knew I had some oddities like every morning walking into school I would for some reason throughout the entire walk scratch behind my right ear, I didn't know what to do with my hands otherwise, and I just feel much closer to them for their understanding and acceptance of these things.

More obsessive updating to this list, bare with me.

In about grade 5 to grade 7 I used to walk home and one day a girl at school (who I lived near and was mildly friendly with) laughed about how she would see me talking to myself walking home, and my brother who I shared a room with at the time also said I talked to myself. I still do mouth out my own thoughts and even whisper them audibly when I think I'm alone. (though I'm careful not to near peoples bedrooms at home)

I have developed a few strange habits as well. I click the middle button on my mouse crazily and have been for years, I'll be watching a movie on my computer and need to point the mouse somewhere constantly I can click the middle button without interrupting it, and often accidently scroll wildly on web pages because I click it so compulsively. I also have tended to kind of semi roll my left eye as if I'm trying to realign it properly and now do that constantly (though not noticeably to other people, generally just when I'm alone) and for the last few months I've been trying to "stretch" the back of my throat like crazy with quick head snaps to the right and a semi-yawn. It's difficult to explain but I don't do these in public and can spend a few minutes repeating the behavior by myself, kind of like twitching the same way over and over trying to dislodge something.

I also will watch or play the same thing over and over sometimes. I have this huge oddity in that for the last 4 or so years over two different computers I have had the same game installed (called Jedi Academy) with the same saved game at the last level standing in a specific spot after clearing the map. I have spent literally hundreds of hours loading that game and using cheats to spawn enemies, and then played around trying to defeat them. There's been periods I've done that for hours a day every day of the week, and if I accidently save the game so I'm standing in a different spot then I find the original copy so I'm back to exactly where I was. I usually reload back to that spot every few minutes and start again; it's very strange that I've been doing that for so long I think.

I also tend to retwatch seconds of movies and tv shows over and over (dozens/hundreds of times) over a few months then lose interest. Years ago I saw (a somewhat poorly acted movie) Dinotopia which I then kept a certain tune from in my head for years. I got it again the other day and have rewatched the same 3 random scenes through the movie probably 50 times in the last week, about 10 seconds long each, just for the way I like certain music and effects play out. As far as I know this is not typical behavior. I obsess over these and soon as pressure with some kind of work builds up I usually will play the movie and watch those moments through, I don't know why. I'm sure I'll find a new movie or tv show soon as well. Before this I was obsessing over a few specific scenes from the Batman animated series I watched as a kid, watched them dozens or hundreds of times.

I hope this is making sense to somebody, I'm a bit exhausted at the moment so it could be a bit of a ramble.

Thanks,
RB.

edit: One more on eye contact,

Last night I spent about 40 minutes at McDonalds with some friends, but because there was one person there I didn't know very well (and I'm a bit anxious since she seems to have dropped some hints a few times that she might be interested in me but I really have no idea and am terrible with understanding if somebody is just being friendly) and the whole night I found I could not talk up or look anybody in the eye. I spent the whole time staring over peoples shoulders and even moved away from the group for a bit until one of them asked me why I was sitting so far away and told me to move closer. Eye contact and even looking at faces is on and off a huge problem for me.

Sounds like you might be aspie, but I can't really say for certain. You do appear to meet the characteristics, going upon what you've said here.