on empathy

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I have the theory that human beings in general have a dificult time feeling empathy with anyone not neurologically similar. I don't think this is an AS thing, but rather that NTs can easily feel empathy for the majority because the majority is NT, while aspies have a hard time with that because of being neurologically different from the majority. It's little things (like NTs being unable to iamgine that someone else's idea of fun might be different from theirs, that other people might enjoy different things) that have led me to believe this. Also, the difficulties for men and women understanding each other (including NTs) would fit in this, since men and women are neurologically different.

are we all lacking TOM ?

**edit: typo**

well, the idea is that we have difficulty understanding those who think very differently from us, and that this is strongly linked to whatever variety of neurological wiring we have. humans can handle minor differences well enough, but more fundamental differences are a problem.

That is a very interesting idea. It makes sense, I hadnt thought of it this way before.

It is very strange. I tend to have more empathy when it comes to other people with AS... because I understand on some level what they are talking about, or can at least "get it".

I do, however, wonder why we are marked as lacking empathy when so many NTs laugh at us when we are overstimulated or having meltdowns, or they try to "beat around the bush" instead of giving us honest answers in times when we NEED clarity. It seems through things like this, that they lack just as much empathy as we do...

Not saying all NTs are horrible or anything, everybody is just different ultimately. Unfortunately, because everything is based off of observation of us for the most part, they are looking for things on a different level-they are looking for things in us that reflect something in them, and expect it to.

I've laughed at some of the most inappropriate times and really didn't care much because I knew others weren't seeing things as I see them. But I've also been the first to approach someone on some occasions and flat out ask what is wrong when everyone else chose to look away and "give them space".

Do I lack it? No. Do I lack it based on observation? Yes.

I disagree. As it says in my profile, I don't know but I suspect myself of having AS, but either way, I care a great deal for many people. Two people who I consider to be about my best friends are aspies, but I have many other friends online too, that aren't, that I care a great deal for as well. Although I will admit I tend to get along better with aspies, and feel more understood by them. I would go so far as to say though that there are NTs I love though. Maybe not as much as aspies, but they're there.

yes, aspies can definitely deeply love NTs - what i was referring to was more a matter of easily understanding them, and likewise NTs understanding aspies' thought process (or men and women understanding one another, for that matter). in my view, neurological differences make mutual understanding harder, but do not make love or friendship impossible. they just make it harder to undertand how the other one thinks, and since aspies are a minority, this would make it harder for us to understand the (NT) majority, hence the reputation for lack of empathy.

as for understanding: most nts are easy to understand but hard to read. their motives often are banal and profane, their pursuit of them is one-track-minded... but making sense of them and their messages adhoc seems difficult to me. as people can be on my wavelength and can be completely off it as well.

empathy is a completely different thing, for its not there in most cases. seeing how much of the so-called "empathy" in normal social circles is just surface and playing nice for other people, i guess that nts are not so different from us. i have barely seen the level of affecttion i have for someone special in an nt, though. its almost always mixed with egoism here or there... but when im empathic with someone, im empathic. if not, i dont care, and therefore, am egoistic.

That would mean that autistics should be able to empathise well with other autistics. I'm not sure if I do though.

VERY interesting idea. I wish I could be around more people with AS to find out if it's true.

I personally have a hard time understanding people either way. Best I can do is wonder how I would act in such a situation, and I'm usually wrong.

The holistic theory models entrainment as a communicative occurrence. Examples are given from several disciplines and four stages of entrainment are delimited. The essay compares theoretical physicist David Bohm's notions of order with the realms of spirit, mind, and body. It proposes stages of entrainment operant throughout these realms and suggests that they perform cumulatively in the creative or unfolding process. The systems perspective develops the thesis that humankind is an iteration of a larger system and that entrainment is a central factor in the transduction of information between individuals and across system levels.- http://www.vantagequest.org/trees/dance1.htm