Questions to ask parents & family

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Concerning adults who want to pursue an AS diagnosis, what questions will/should be asked of the parents?

There is no way that I can tell my mom that I suspect that I am on the autism spectrum. She is VERY critical about such things. She is in her late 70's, has advanced Parkinson's and she would get very very upset over this.

It seems like every other time I talk to her on the phone, she makes joking remarks about me when I was a little girl. She says I was very spoiled and difficult. She said recently that my brother and sister were easy to take care of and she thought she knew it all when it came to raising kids, but that when I was born, I threw her world upside down. She says that she had no idea what to do with me. So because she does talk to me about how I was as a child, I thought I could sneak in some specific autism questions to ask her without her knowing what I am up to, so I could paint a more clear picture for myself. I mean, I am on the inside looking out, and she is on the outside looking in.

I already know what my elementary school teachers said about me:

Does not live up to her potential.

Mother is too permissive with her.

Odd combination of little girl and little old lady. (<--- this is my favorite one, LOL. My 2nd grade teacher said that.)

Daydreamer.

Does not pay attention.

A follower, not a leader.



I know there is more, but I've gone blank. Anyway, so obviously my problems were not just at home. I am 48 years old and am not sure if being diagnosed is the way to go at this time in my life. It could potentially cause me some problems, as others have outlined in other threads. I'm thinking about maybe someday going outside my insurance network and talking to a professional about AS privately, so that it is not on my records. But I know it would take more than one session and this would take money away from my family that we need right now. But still I dream of a day that I can openly explore an AS (or Autism Spectrum in general, or NVLD) diagnosis. I obsess about it constantly and get so excited at the thought of finally figuring out WHY I've had certain problems my whole life. Validation is very powerful.

In the meantime, I continue to do my own research. Any ideas on the questions I can ask my mom? (My dad died 16 years ago.) I can also ask my sister and brother who are 8 and 10 years older than me.

Hi. I would start by asking your siblings, first. When I e-mailed my parents and siblings about my AS, I got a very nice response from my sister, but still have not heard a word from either parent! It is possible that most elderly parents have no idea what Asperger's Syndrome is, so don't know HOW to reply!
This is just my opinion, of course.

Hi Alphacent. Thanks for your reply. What questions would you suggest I ask them?

ChatBrat,
what if got parent a book to do with the subject?
not sure about books to do with AS,but temple grandins' thinking in pictures is very good,it's not the type of book that is for self diagnosing,but is about temples life and also about the spectrum,sensory differences etc in general.

it is possible might not be able to get answers from parent,because if they are very ignorant of childhood,they might not see traits as they were.
if that happens,is there no one else in family who knows well,from childhood that could answer the questions?

I WOULD have asked how I was socially when I was VERY young. She kind of answered that by saying the school was concerned in the first grade.(When I asked WHY I saw that psychiatrist) I remember parts of nursery school and kindergarten, and don't think there was much time to really be social, and remember I wasn't.

I asked her about when I learned to talk/walk(Turns out by 9/10 months), and about my meeting milestones(I wasn't behid on any). I asked if she remembered when I started reading. It turns out I was reading by 4.

I asked her what my behaviour was like as a baby. It turns out I never cried unless I REALLY needed something. She said I was pretty quiet overall.

She ALSO reminded me that I had a big head when I was younger. I never really thought about it, but I DID have a problem wearing normal regular T shirts. Today my head is just about average though.

It seems like autistics are not very social(I wasn't), beat or miss at least some milestone(I beat a couple), and are unusually quiet or noisy. I was quiet. Autistic brains also tend to grow quicker, so they may have larger heads when they are younger. That isn't definitive, of course, but could make the difference between an AS or an HFA diagnosis.

Other things like other sensitivities, logic, general mental and physical differences, are ones you would know now and may still be apparent.

Maybe others can add something.

Thank you for posting this question...did not even occur to me to post this here, but I have been trying to sort this out also.

I asked my mom and very casually, as she HATES this topic. She is convinced that I am just busy trying to "label"/"diagnose everyone...

My guess is that she is fearful that she will have no way to deny her issues any longer...and she is scared to death to admit that she did not "see it" in us kids (CERTAIN one out of 4 of my brothers has it also) and that we were misunderstood and lashed out at for something beyond our control, for so long...

Anyhow, her response was very vague. I asked fairly specific questions, but still didn't feel I got enough to go on...

Stuff like:

Did I have any special interests that held my attention for great lengths of times or things I obsessed about?

I remember crying alot as a kid and was deemed the "hypersensitive child", but did I have major meltdowns?

Did I sound like a rude, brutally honest, little girl?

DId this impact my friendships and is that why I had very little?

I know I was always with adults/teens when young...

Did I have trouble with my clothing, tags, etc?

I knew I had food aversions, so I just prompted about that...

Reasons she remembers me avoiding such things as Gym class, social outings and speeches etc...

Did I have difficulty with what may have appeared to be "self help skills", but likely to do with motor control/etc

Anyhow, those are just some thoughts...I have a really RUBBISH memory and can't remember alot of my past...though I do recall being a child that remembered EVERYTHING!

Can't wait to hear more from others....finding the answer is my newest special interest