Recent postings at T*A*S*C

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Recent postings at T*A*S*C

While the Tallahassee Aspergers Support Coalition is a local support group, (we meet the second Tuesday of the month,) we have an on-line group that is open to all. Information is available here.

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From today's Tallahassee Democrat
Annie's Mailbox

Dear Annie: My husband, who is almost 60, has been diagnosed with
Asperger's Syndrome. He says it's all poppycock. He doesn't believe in
psychologists or psychiatrists. The psychologist who made the diagnosis
said it could be treated with behavioral changes. My husband refuses to
"change." He says he's fine the way he is and if others don't like it,
it's their problem. Annie, it's been my problem for 37 years. I just
didn't have a name for it.

My husband won't go to a therapist, and I'm already seeing one. Is there
an Asperger's support organization? It's usually diagnosed in childhood,
but there have to be adults out there who are coping with it. I need help.
I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and simple daily activities are difficult
for me. Dealing with someone who won't do anything about an illness takes
what little energy I have. If there are any organizations that could offer
some support, I'd appreciate knowing how to contact them. -- Running on
Empty in Vermont

Dear Vermont: Asperger's is one of the pervasive developmental disorders
and generally manifests itself through impaired communication and social
skills. There are organizations that can help you, even if your husband
refuses to modify his behavior. Try Families of Adults Affected by
Asperger's Syndrome (www.faaas.org) , P.O. Box 514, Centerville, MA 02632
and the Autism Society of America (www.autism- society.org) at
1-800-3-AUTISM (1-800-328-8476) .

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Oh ho ho. They are assuming we CAN modify our behavior! I wonder what would happen if society expected Neurotypicals to modify their behavior and become more Autistic! As both Popeye and God said, "I Am what I Am."

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Yes. Thats why I am no longer working with the person who had been my
"autism consultant," and prior to that, my job coach. As the latter, she
had listened to me in order to understand my AS. When she went to work for
the agency that made her "autism consultant," she began listening to her
"managers" - really 'mis-managers' - whom she took to be "experts.

At best, I would say that they and their employees, "consult" - that is,
provide information and referral - and therefore only see their clients,
ordinarily, and, I think, for them, preferably, as 'before' and 'after.'
They see clients before there is any supposed improvement, and, maybe
after the presumed change has occurred.

Thus, they generally miss the process in between: The challenges and the
effort. The work that clients, their families, and the professionals that
actually work with them, have to go through. Thus, for them, any
difference from 'then' and 'now' is natural, automatic, etc.

When they have to deal with someone in between - 'during' - they are not
so much impressed with the difficulty of the struggle to 'get better,' or
even 'get by' as they are the effect its outward signs have on them, which
they find, to say the least, "uncomfortable" --- for they themselves.
Thus, they miss entirely what the client has gone (or even, is going
through) to be(come) more like "normal."

Sad to say, I know that my old job coach/fomer autism "consultant" has at
least one child on the spectrum, and will soon go through the process in
between 'information and referral' and . . . whatever . . . .

Everyone pray to your god(s) and/or goddess(es) for her!

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I gotta say, I resent the suggestion that I "can't" do anything simply because of a little neurological difference. Anybody can modify their behavior. People do it all the time. I can do anything a normal person can do. It may take me longer to learn how. It may always be more challenging for me because I have to use a different part of my brain, but don't tell me I can't. As soon as I believe that, well, then I can't.

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Needs

I'd like to talk a little bit about needs.

I was in a more formal therapy group once facilitated by a counseling
psychologist. This was long before I ever heard about AS. Once, the
discussion ran dry and the facilitator asked people to talk about
their needs. I'd like to suggest that we do likewise. I think we
should talk about our needs both in general from the world at large
and in particular from this group.

I find that what I need from the world is little more than
understanding. I need understanding about things like: I don't always
understand; I am often misunderstood; I really am very naïve about
some things, things that you might find difficult to believe that
anyone could possibly be so naïve about.

Historically, a lack of understanding about these things on the part
of others has caused me the most difficulty in the work environment.
As a result I have, until recently, changed jobs every year or two.
Now when I start a new job, I cultivate a good relationship with my
new supervisor. After 3 or 4 months, I talk to them about my AS, what
they can expect, and what they can do to help. It helps that I work
at an academic library, with intelligent, well-educated people who
are always interested in learning about something new and interesting.

I came to the T*A*S*C support group looking for, well, a support
group. I'm not so interested in the social or activist aspects of
T*A*S*C. I think those are important and worthy things, they're just
not what I feel I need. I need a support group. I need the
opportunity to share my experience, to tell my story, with a like
minded group of people, or even with just an individual. Telling
one's story can be very therapeutic. It's great to be able to share
my experiences with ya'll and find that you don't think that there's
anything unusual about those experiences. Also, I don't have to
explain in great detail. You get me. It's very nice.

So what about you? What do need from the world or from life in
general? What do you need from this group in particular? What's your
story? Please, share.

About the guy who won't change, and whether he can or should - for me, just knowing it's Asperger's set me off on an adventure of discovery, of self-acceptance. This liberated me to make behavioural adjustments by choice, once I had a full understanding of what was going on with me and with others. Ergo, I think that old man is being a stubborn cuss. And he's not so old, he's 3 years older than me.

I've found that browsing the posts on this website to be beneficial to me. Person to person communications sometimes break down based upon a variety of factors. Intelligence and knowledge is ppower! I am a 38 year old male who is seeking diagnoses. I don't have a car and they want me to see a pychiatrist and a therapist and my family doctor! Anyone can change their behaviour if it is important to them and they see a pattern of hurting themselves or the ones they love. It is up to the individual to change, no one else can do it for them.

Hope this helps,

mojo123