I got invited to a party

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A friend of mine invited me to her house for a party tonight. When she first told me about it I was apprehensive from the start - should I go, what time, should I go with someone, should I bring something, etc etc. Anyway I decided to go, left my house so I would arrive and be casually late. I drove by and only saw a few cars so I got scared off. I drove halfway home, stopped at a Starbucks. I ordered a green tea and sat in my car and contemplated my anxiety. Well to make a long story short, I drove past her house a few more times and was never able to muster up the courage to actually go.

Most NT people would just never understand. I guess they all have some degree of social anxiety but it is just so hard for me to overcome. It never gets better. I've gone to parties before, sometimes I am able to get past it and sometimes I can't. I just never goes away. No matter how many times I do it. All the crappy NT advice as to how to deal with these feelings and situations just doesn't help me.

Is anyone here able to overcome anxiety in these situations? Or should I just become a shut-in?

Not really.

I have no idea why I even try to go to parties or social gatherings especially if I'm supposed to go alone.

When I used to go with my wife, I figured I could always just hang with her because I knew I wouldn't get along with talking to other folks.
Didn't always work and lots of times I wound up playing with the host's kids or the dog.

What you did is actually what I see as quite normal for someone who finds going to a strange house, with people you probably don't know (except for your friend of course), unpleasant.

Along with what you did, I have also found 'things to do' at home or on the way so that I am purposefully late enough that I can justify just not going.

There's no problem with you wanting social contact... in the manner and place you feel most comfortable.

How would you describe the best scenario for socializing with others?

I'm trying more and more to just learn to turn down invitations to do stuff with folks in the manner of going to a party or casino and the like.

Around work, it seems like there are definite groups of nurses and others who get together mainly to go drinking.
I don't drink and I do not like to go to the casinos which are smokey, too bright/noisy/full of people and tend to make people lose loads of money.

Even when I go to a friend's house for dinner with other people, I tend to gravitate to the kitchen with an offer of 'helping clean up', and what I am realizing now is that I am finding a place where most folks are not hanging around and I can concentrate on something like scraping the dishes, loading the dishwasher or whatever else there is to do instead of keeping up with or joining in the small talk.
It's just finding how to make it happen in a way that works for you, and allowing yourself the right to leave when it is no longer interesting or fun for you.

bigizz, that sounds like something I would do

yes, there have been times that the anxiety is so overwhelming, I have ended up not going to a social function. What has caused me to actually go is me getting mad at myself until I just go . Then I get there, and it is torturous. I feel myself biting down on the inside of my mouth, or breathing heavily. However, I am proud of myself for just going, despite the agony. I do have the power to not be a slave. And now, about 10 years later, I beleive I can acknowledge those agonizing experiences as helpful. Never give up on working against the slavery anxiety presses. You are only helping yourself by going; even if you do wind up talking to no one and pacing aimlessly. You could start out by making your goal to stay 20 minutes. If your still sweating, leave. The increase to 30, etc. Maybe it would have helped that day if you brought your Starbucks Tea to the party with you. I bet you could have started a conversation about tea. You never know.

bigizz,

I do the SAME thing! Frankly, when I go, I REGRET it

This is interesting to me...

What drives you to want to overcome anxiety over attending social functions?

Is it the desire to socialize... to not be alone so much?

Is it a wish to be 'normal' and be able to do anything NT's can do?

Is it just the fact that you don't like to be 'controlled' by what might seem as irrational fears?

I don't like feeling like I am a slave to anxiety. I suppose I need to prove to myself I can do anything. I also want to learn how to freely express myself verbally. I think if I make myself be around it enough, and hear it enough, I will be able to do it too. Sure, I want to be able to be a part of people.

I have been in that situation but I always overcome it you shouldn't let something like that stop you from going to a party not everyone has cars and not everyone would drive to a party because they might drink a lot and get drunk.

That is the frustrating part for me. People will say "oh it won;t be that bad" or tell you to just get over it and you will have fun. But I don't. I spend the whole time thinking and analyzing, the social interaction part of it is like doing a complicated math problem. It rarely ends up being enjoyable and the experience never helps me deal with it the next time.

I do get anxiety when somebody invites me to a party, but usually, the anxiety revolves around whether or not my parents will let me go or not, and whether or not I will be pressured into getting drunk or doing domething stupid.

These are the only social gatherings I can have fun in:
A concert, where all I have to do is head bang. \m/
A party, where everyones drunk so when I get wasted too no one will look at me funny. People are more respectful to me when theyre drunk too. Or high either one. Thats why I spent some time trying to fit in with the hippies in Highschool. I never dressed like they did but one time I spent a week going to this kids house from school smoking his weed (he was always high, even during school), for the first time it felt like I had a friend. Then he started "running out" and he stopped talking to me. :/