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Sorry it's this long. I have multiple questions.

I've been seeing a new psychiatrist. He seems like a nice person and actually bothers to listen to me plus he says he has experience with aspies. I have told him some things that I have never shared with anyone.

Anyhow he tells me I have many problems that can't be explained by one single diagnosis and that I seem to be suffering from many different things. On the subject of me having asperger’s he told me that it's very mild based on the fact that although I have the symptoms, I have been successful academically and that I've been going to work for almost 3 months ( as a programmer) . He says he can't call it a "disorder" when I'm managing to keep things together. And when I told him that I feel that mentally I'm walking on a thin rope all the time and I'm in constant fear of falling down and breaking down. he says what matters is that I haven't .I manage to keep it together at the last moment but It has turned my life to a living hell for many years now.

So I'm wondering is anyone here who was/is successful academically and/or has had a job for longer than 3 months and still has an official diagnosis? Or does it completely rule out having a disorder?


And some reasons he had given in our 1st and 2ed session of why I couldn't have asperger’s before He suddenly changed his mind at our third session after I said something that I'm not sure how it was related to AS, were among these:
1. He said I'm smart.
2. He said I wasn't boring him. Though later when I said no one wants to hang out with me. He said someone my age probably wouldn't be interested in spending time with me.
3. I was smiling almost the whole time ( I do that whenever I'm in any kind of social contact because I know that If you smile and nod people don't care that you don't talk and won't hate you but I still can't maintain Eye contact as hard as I might try)
4. I answered his questions.
5. I could just be a very very introverted person.
6. When I get overwhelmed or having a panic attack I totally shut down. I don't scream and express it outwardly as aspies do according to him

Does no one here do these things/ is like that? Because I consider many people here very smart and quite as many make very articulate conversations when I have such a hard time expressing anything. I did tell him that and he said you all must be very mild too if you are so

Anyway I think I should mention that he says he’s done diagnosing me( though he doesn’t have a name for it, and I don’t need a label but It would be great if someone had answers for me) and he wants to move on to treatment. And he has prescribed me zoloft to take away some of the constant and overwhelming fear, anxiety and panic attacks to see where we can go from there. Though he was pretty shocked when at the end of the session I told him I'm not sure I want to lose my fears as they are the only things that have kept me going and I think that I've become addicted to them and they have taken over my life as most addictions do and I was just realizing that as I was talking. has anyone experienced anything similar?

And the session are rather expensive. Do you guys think it's worth to keep going? And will once a month be good since he says that I should choose how often I need to come?

You just about perfectly described me! I saw psychiatrist and psychotherapists for some years and was told I probably have AS but for the 'official' diagnosis you are supposed to have testimony of parent as to childhood which is not possible.


I have been successful academically and that I've been going to work for almost 3 months ( as a programmer) . He says he can't call it a "disorder" when I'm managing to keep things together.
I have BSc & PhD. At the moment I am successfully employed and doing okay (2 years) but swing between that and being unable to leave the house or physically speak. My success depends heavily on the understanding of co-workers/boss.

I'm walking on a thin rope all the time and I'm in constant fear of falling down and breaking down. I manage to keep it together at the last moment but It has turned my life to a living hell for many years now.
This got a bit better for me after I did breakdown, the fear of it was more debilitating, it took several years and was painful/terrifying, I cried everyday for 2 years, therapist was amazed I lasted so long 'coping' with so much horrible things before and said it was a natural reaction to events. I would say don't get to this point and get some release now if possible.


I was smiling almost the whole time ( I do that whenever I'm in any kind of social contact because I know that If you smile and nod people don't care that you don't talk and won't hate you but I still can't maintain Eye contact as hard as I might try)
I can 'put-on' friendliness for short periods when required complete with fake eye-contact, this confused my colleagues who couldn't understand why I was so unfriendly to them everyday but suddenly 'lit-up' when we had visitors.

When I get overwhelmed or having a panic attack I totally shut down. I don't scream and express it outwardly as aspies do according to him
I become completely catatonic when overstressed. First to go is ability to speak and then to move. Very rarely I have a rant about something, usually if someone does something stupid or unfair that affects my work (work=obsession).


And the session are rather expensive. Do you guys think it's worth to keep going? And will once a month be good since he says that I should choose how often I need to come?
I think you need to decide what you want out of the sessions, if you are AS then traditional counselling may not work and if you are looking for 'cure' there probably isn't one, but 'people-skill' training may be beneficial (can't think of the proper term for this atm - something like behaviour modification to help you cope better socially, understand how people behave and react to your behaviour).
Unless you are really on the edge and really need them I would personally not go for medication. I have been on various, Effexor was the only one that worked, others gave me fits, I took vallium briefly when in a really bad state. These helped me at the time and then I got to the point I knew I needed to make action to change my life and that was the only thing that would really improve things, the medication I think can dull the will to take control and make the changes.

If you do ever get an official diagnosis let me know what it is as I probably have the same ...

The guy sounds fairly reasonable. He may come from the school of thought that says don't give people labels as it might cause them to worry more. This can be a bit annoying though, because you’re trying to learn about yourself and move forward. But it is true that label like AS, NLD, PDD-NOS are just there because of historical reasons. They are ring fences, so naturally they are going to exclude some people on the spectrum. I think it is far more helpful to see where you are in terms of ASD as a whole. What components you have difficulty with.

I have tried Lustral. It didn't do anything for me, but it might work for you. I used other things like CBT to help with social anxiety. Other kind of anxiety I guess I live with it. I know what you mean the anxiety can be a sort of drive. I have emotional blunting so I lack a sort of drive in some things.

I think AS use verbose language but that doesn't mean we are great a talking to people, but we are certainly not inarticulate in the literal sense.

The problem with walking the type rope is you risk going over the edge. I did that in university, my placement job, previous years of isolation and I totally messed myself up. It took a long time to recover from. I can't work in an open plan office at all, I was told not to by a psychiatrist. As for being able to cope with the work load, I don't know to what extent you cognitive problems are I can only go on mine. Yes I held the placement for a full year, but that's only because it was a placement (internship). They would have fired me otherwise as I couldn't actually do the job, hated being there and was noncompliant. I don't know how the hell I managed to get through it, only through the skin of my teeth evidently. I was pretty much a blithering wreak at the end of it, had to take a year out, briefly returned to university before quitting in my final year. I really don't know how to solve this but is sound like you might have some leeway to carve out something that could work for you. Otherwise you are sort of delving into the unknown with drugs and such, which is what I'm doing now.

Thanks for you’re your inputs guys. It’s much appreciated.
Sorry I didn’t get a chance to answer sooner.

Alexbeetle Maybe we are a whole different undiscovered category.
My sister tells me the same thing. She said to me the other day “so What if you breakdown?” off course I didn’t have answer for that. It’s just sounded like a very dreadful idea.

I must have done something good in a previous life or something. because I’m a very lucky person. And me finding this job is like a miracle. My boss and most of my coworkers are all wonderful, kind and understanding people. And I do love programming, and the social aspect of my job has been very limited so far. So I kind of do have a great job. It would be madness if I loose it. What are the odds of me finding such a great situation as my first job? In no way it has been easy on me, even handling this much .but I dread to think what kind of place I could have ended up at.

I don’t have a social life besides going to work right now until my classes start in January. So my family is encouraging me to keep it. The money isn’t much but it’s more than good enough where I am right now.

I know a lot of it is my personality. So I don’t want to lose it all. I’ve never wanted to be a very social person. But I really should like to have some basic knowledge on handling social situations when they’re not avoidable. And that’s what I’m hoping he can help me with.

I really could use some time off to work on my problems. Like I was thinking I could go do a 10day mediation course alone or something. When you were constantly rejected and ridiculed as a child it’s very difficult to have self-esteem and self-confident. I have an inferiority complex which is really pathetic and embarrassing. But I don’t know how to believe in myself. I just wish that I could just be me and that I didn’t have to constantly play a part to survive in this world.

My As is milder then a lot of other people, but combined with my whole lot of co-morbid and AS-unrelated issues I think some things might even be way more difficult for me. As 0_equals_true there noted in another thread there doesn’t seem to be anyone with the same set of problems I face. Though Alex says he’s like me.
Do have any other sort of issues that isn’t common in or explained by AS?

Congradulations on finishing school and getting your first job. Everyone feels as you do, is this real? Am I passing, what, no teachers, no report cards?

I spent my whole life learning to do school and now it changes?

Everyone questions, many go back to Grad School, the last place they thought they understood.

Did they not tell you? Programmers are geeks that no one talks to. They are supposed to be smart, and most people know they are not, so they avoid geeks.

It is bad enough when someone knows a lot more than you do, but a girl?

The guys are going to talk soccer, the girls about doing their nails, and even other programmers do not speak in code, and act strange if someone speaks to them.

Programmers are needed but avoided.

Girl programmers are rare.

Programmers have no social life.

Most human action has to do with mating.

Girls hang with girls, network, because someone will have a brother in need of a wife.

It is not like they can run an ad in the paper, "Frilly girl, will make babies for good home."

Smart girls with an education, job skills, will marry smarter men, who make lots.

In the girl talent pool, makeup, nails, hair, you are seen as cheating.

In the choice between the girl who answers the phone, and the one who programs the computers, the phone girl want friends just below office work, shop girls, who work at the counter in sales. There office worker is seen as a step up. Your brother who will own the business needs an office wife.

Everybody is shopping.

Men fear having a smart wife. How many men could say, "My wife is a computer programmer."

You are feeling what anyone would. Change is always upsetting.

Making the change is a full time job. How is work? Does the boss like your performance?

A year or two in the real world and maybe you go back to school. A Professor could say my wife teaches programing. Not that you would admit to wanting a life, but even geeks dare to dream.

The big issue in your life is family. They made you. In food shelter, education, they have invested their lives in you. In return you can be a good daughter. Think of your own child, how attached you would be, that is how they feel about you.

I know going outside is scarey, strangers are scarey, new places are scarey, but your home is still the shelter and support it always was.

You got an education, have lasted in a high job, and your feelings are normal. The world offers you a pill, as they have no answer. Your Mother has a hug for you, and some cookies. Hugs and cookies have worked so far. Ask your mother, when I was little and started school, how long did it take till I liked it?

This is just another step, you have made all the ones that came before, you will go on.

People are what their parents did or did not raise till they are thirty. maybe forty. The saying, "Life begins at forty." is true. Who we are, as seperate from how we were raised, comes out.

You are just some cookie your mother made with all the love, care, skill, she could. You are a good cookie.

You will have doubts, fears, it is expected. There is only one true course for you, do what would make your family proud, your mother happy, and everything will turn out for the best.

Be thankful for the life you were given, it has a greater meaning than you can know.

I think your mother makes really great cookies!

1. He said I'm smart.

Most with AS are

2. He said I wasn't boring him. Though later when I said no one wants to hang out with me. He said someone my age probably wouldn't be interested in spending time with me.

So...

3. I was smiling almost the whole time ( I do that whenever I'm in any kind of social contact because I know that If you smile and nod people don't care that you don't talk and won't hate you but I still can't maintain Eye contact as hard as I might try)

SAME HERE!

4. I answered his questions.

OK...

5. I could just be a very very introverted person.

In my case WAY to introverted!

6. When I get overwhelmed or having a panic attack I totally shut down. I don't scream and express it outwardly as aspies do according to him

Well, I am quiet also!

None of that really sounds atypical of AS!

and I have heard lot of people on here aren't AS but they just think they are.