Eye Contact Exercises

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I did some eye contact exercises with my ex shrink to help my eye gaze aversion. I wanted to share the detail as lot a people have been asking about eye contact and it is pointless paying someone to guide you. It has helped me. I can look into peoples eyes for many seconds if necessary, before I would automatically look away instantly.

It is not really rocket science you can gradually desensitise your eyes to that reaction. You will need someone to do this exercise with.

First of all you want to test the theory to see where your problem lies. Sit directly opposite each other on the floor quite close (less than a metre) with the partner with closed eyes. Then you look at their eye lids. Then they should open their eyes.

You would expect you reaction not very long after to have to look away, possibly causing you to smirk or even laugh. Also it can cause your eyes to hurt a little.

If so, you are sensitive to direct eye contact. It will be naturally stronger the closer and more direct you are. What is happening is it is signalling to your brain that it is a threat and to look away. This can happen regardless of whether the person is familiar.

For the exercises it is basically gradual emersion or CBT.

For something light get them to wear dark glasses that you can see through but not quite see the whites of their eyes clearly. They could sit side on to you on chairs aprox 2 metres away. Get them to look ahead so they are not looking at you. Then you look toward their eyes. They should then look toward you. You can repeat this over and over. If it is not really difficult you can move on.

Next you want to be sitting at a slight angle to head on with them looking ahead with the dark glasses, then they can slowly remove the glasses. You can try and hold you gaze on their eyes as long as you can.

There are many variants you can think of as to how to do this there is no hard and fast rule.

You can do it another way round they look away you look at them then close your eyes and they face you then try to open them. Naturally you are going to react to this but keep trying until you improve a little.

You want to build your way up in gradual stages over weeks/months. Don't try to rush it.

For the final one you can sit on the floor close up, take it in turns, one person closes their eyes the other person looks and the first person opens them. It is going to be a little weird you eyes will probably shift a bit you may smirk but try and hold them there for increasing number of seconds.

You don’t actually need to have to look at peoples eyes for long period of time just enough to acknowledge something they have said. Don’t stare at someone continuously.

Thanks for the info.

One question... is eyecontact when both people are looking at each others eyes at the same time. Or just generally looking at someone's eyes?

If the former... I don't think I ever actually make eye contact with anyone. I can look at them if they aren't looking at me... but if they are looking at me... I avoid it.

I'm starting to think I'm more off with this stuff than I thought... no one has told me otherwise... I thought I was doing okay.

Direct eye contact is when both eyes are pointing at each other.

i can't do that...i totally lock-up and go in my own wolrd

I gotta' practice that with my wife........ when she comes back home to me some day.