Androgyny in AS Males

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I'm not sure how to approach this question, but it's something that has continued to gnaw into my thoughts since childhood and long after. As a child, NT children would remark on my seemingly feminine appearance, asking me questions that at the time were impossible for me to answer. For example, "Are you a boy or a girl?" I was often repeatedly being posed this question, again and again and again! In the exact wording as listed above. I finally gave up and told them that I was a hermaphrodite - equal parts of each - half-thinking that maybe I actually was.

I now know that that is not so, of course, but it caused genuine confusion for me at the time. As I got older, I had hoped that I would "mature" and develop masculine facial features, but still I would have people questioning my gender. "Oh, what a pretty girl." It was maddening! Even now, presumably straight male NTs will hit on me and glare at me strangely, seemingly unaware of my male gendered-ness. Also, a female NT friend of mine remarked on my supposed feminine qualities, that I "act like a girl"; the thing is, I identify as a male and would not endeavour to change that.

So I decided that it would be prudent of me to research this in relation to AS, as being recently diagnosed AS I'm still finding my way through the many different facets of the condition (does anyone mind if I use the word "condition" in relation to AS, by the way?) and found a few articles that mentioned that some males diagnosed AS tended to be quite androgynous. Aspies that I'd seen up until then didn't appear to be particularly androgynous, though, so that's what brings me here.

How do AS and androgyny fit together; is it behavioural or physical, or both? I would prefer to hear from other AS males, but would welcome feedback from female aspies as well, as I believe it also works in the reverse.

Apparently this kind of thing is common enough for note among autistic people - not specifically what you're dealing with, but many varieties of gender variance and not fitting into expected gender norms.

Hmm... this may be way off-base, but I can somewhat relate. I don't look like a girl lol, but my morals in terms of dating and sexuality are closer to that of the stereotypical girl than the stereotypical guy... Eg: I want a committed relationship, I'd much prefer to have sex with someone I care about (not necessarily marriage, I don't get the point of marriage), and I've been asked if I was gay (I'm actually bisexual, but still).

^ I'm glad I'm not the only one.

I thought that I'd look rather a ghastly female specimen to most, being as spookily pale and skeletal thin as I am.

I think Asperger's / Autism Spectrum is both a disability and a difference, as well as a strength in a number of areas, all at the same time.

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I have experienced some of what you have, although I think to a lesser extent. Maybe from allergies as a child, I have "deaf speech" where my voice is more nasal than average. This is sometimes perceived as me being gay, I think very inaccurately as the way I talk I think is miles from a gay stereotype like one might see in a movie.

I think what is defined as 'normal' is so unnecessarily narrow and anything outside that range is given a small number of negative labels. And the 'normal' male stereotype is probably even more narrow. For example, the way European men cross their legs is commonly viewed as unacceptable or strange or "gay" for American men. As Aspies, we pick up on this unstated norms less readily, and we probably see the whole thing as silly and pointless.

I thought of one possible remedy. There are masculine images of a doctor, a saleman, a seasoned political activist, etc, etc, etc. And each one of these is different from some kind of stereotypical "macho" image. And this also gives a person a range they can select from.

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PS when I was younger, I intellectually believed in non-monogamy. When I was a teenager and my early 20s, I really liked the idea of married couples being swingers, because at least it's honest. But I later kind of discovered that emotionally I am monogamous.

Maybe transsexuals are aspies who are flying under the radar

I've never been mistook for a woman that I know of. People usually think I am gay, when really I'm just incompetent with women and find men more interesting to talk to, I'm also obsessed with looking at myself in the mirror.

I suppose many of the features of autism lend themselves to androgyny, if it wasnt for my moustache and my short temper people would think I was a woman.

double post

@DreamLord Is the key, then, to grow my beard out? Too bad it's patchy as f**k, otherwise, should the problem persist, I could always repulse them with my facial hair.

Oh, but I do get the gay slurs, too, only it's after they realise that I'm male (usually me having to tell them out-right) and they behave as though it were my fault! I sometimes worry that I'll be made the victim of some gay-hating thug and bashed or worse. Yet another reason why I must choose to shun the company of others .



Edit: @DreamLord Yeah, I actually look at myself in the mirror quite a bit, too, and I might also be a little obsessed with doing so; I think I genuinely like my face despite the apparent androgyny.

I feel that I must raise a point of contention with some posters here on WP, regarding a thread on Justin Bieber. No, I don't think he's an aspie. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to work that one out. But many derided him in their posts, calling him an "experiment" created by Disney, questioning both his sexual orientation and his gender. I consider him a fellow androgyne, and I took offense at the name-calling, and thought it all to be very neurotypical-esque. I'm not going to name usernames (I don't remember them anyway), but it was really, really sad. I expected more civility from aspies, but maybe we're not all that different to neurotypicals once we're in a pack.