deal with nt roomate

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i've been living with a roomate for 4 years. Now she's moving to live with her sister, and going to take some properties (that we shared to buy) with her. When asked, she said she gave it to her sister and said had forgotten to tell me. Is she right bringing stuff that both of us bought like that? Should I tell her that she was wrong bringing properties without asking for my permission? Now that it's been used for 4 years (and right now we're not using it), should I consider that as a "give-away" thing, as an unwanted present for her?

I would at least ask why she gave it away without saying anything to you. Perhaps you wanted to use one of the items, and she just up and gave it to her sister because she did not want it anymore. I certainly wouldn't chip in with her anymore to buy things if it was anything that you cared about to begin with (that she gave away). If it was something you didn't mind her giving away, then I suppose it would just be a freebie for whoever got it, because once you don't want it and really don't care what happens with it, it shouldn't effect either way, I wouldn't think.

Because you post questioning it, I must wonder if you are bothered by it in some way that she gave the stuff away...

I would at least ask why she gave it away without saying anything to you. Perhaps you wanted to use one of the items, and she just up and gave it to her sister because she did not want it anymore. I certainly wouldn't chip in with her anymore to buy things if it was anything that you cared about to begin with (that she gave away). If it was something you didn't mind her giving away, then I suppose it would just be a freebie for whoever got it, because once you don't want it and really don't care what happens with it, it shouldn't effect either way, I wouldn't think.

Because you post questioning it, I must wonder if you are bothered by it in some way that she gave the stuff away...

I have noticed watching my NT friends with their NT roommates that they don't discuss or argue based on right and wrong even if they are in the right i.e. NTs don't get dogmatic and avoid right and wrong basis of getting to what they want. Like if a roommate ate all of their care package, I would be pretty heated if I were an undergraduate but my NT friend laughed it off and said, "oh really?" She also came from a boarding school where I think you are trained to get along with people by never showing displeasure. Hmm. I'm not saying I am right but if someone took something that we had both paid for and admitted doing so when pressed, I would say, "oh that's fine. I _wondered_ where that went. Well, we'll take that out of your share of the security deposit."

You know who are the best NTs about getting their money - MORMONS. They are amazing at demanding other mormons not take advantage of them. Unlike regular NTs, they won't be nice guys at their own expense to keep it friendly. I saw a mormon tell another mormon to move the furniture himself since he would be getting the use of it and that he would man the door. And I saw another mormon offer to pay for a split of pizza that the other mormon had just picked up. I thought that was so unique to offer money at the outset because I had never seen a regular NT do that. I thought it was kind of cool but I am not sure if my aspie judgment of that is correct because exmormons have terrible explanations of why mormons act the way they do.

Many people dont think of others I find throughout most of my life. I know im obviously biased but I have always tryed to be considerate of others, I pay my debts on time when I owe ppl, i respect others proporty, i pay if I break something and I always return in the condition i got it. really never have i seen this with anybody else, most seem to have a complete disreagrd for anybody else but themslefs.

I have been screwed often in life (years ago, i learned now) and so havent I seen many others get screwed. I have loaned money never to be repayd, loaned video games to have the CD's scratched to hell and the case broken and i once caught my neghboor just walking into my house, washed his hands and face in the sink gettin water all over the place and just helped himself to so food i had, did not even ask, i said nothing cause i just moved in and had patence for that at the time (now i kicked him outa my house, and told him never to return a few mounths ago)

ppl are rude, inconsiderate and self centered, i learned my lesson, so i live alone, am not relyant on anybody other then myself (and occasioanlly the parents) and i lone NOTHIN, no money, no food, no ANYTHING, and never will again.

That was a long rant.... anyways the way I see it its not a good idea to split the cost of something tangible, unlike bills, id not bother cause i doubt u will ever get it back, but try and keep some proporty that she did not take that is only 50% yours to make up for what she did.

God! I F*&%in hate rude, inconsidereate @$$wholes!

I knew a guy who would empty out apartments early at the end of the lease and clean up scratches, holes in the walls so that the place was returned in pristine condition and it was just a matter of personal integrity with him. I used to think he was very NT because he was popular and people respected him and praised him but he did have stubbornness and he did not know how to exploit his talents to advance his career and he did not know how to dress. I chalked up his moral inflexibility to having standards but now I wonder....
Anyway, he didn't factor in whether his conduct would be appreciated or whether he had a relationship with the lessor.

woodsman25, if your own understanding of your own moral correctness is solid, you shouldn't feel emotional vulnerable when someone shames himself and behaves badly. It's not on you.

If you both paid for the items, she should 'buy you out' for the portions of the items that you own. Not the price you originally paid, but if you each paid half of the original price then she should pay you half of what the item is now worth.

I agree though it also depends somewhat on the coast of the items. Like say if it was over door towel rackk, I'd just forget it assuming it wasn't something I used and she hadn't given away alot of things. But if it was a tv/microwave/fridge, i'd want my share.

Judge Judy. Seriously, confront roomie in a nice way and say you had plans for some items and was planning to buy her half, aka, indicating you would have offered her a say before you gave away an item that was shared. Very rude. Taqke a deep breath and confront. It is easier and less time consuming than seething for years.

i do care about our belongings. i guess there was a dilemma here. first, it was not too valuable, worth almost two days' salary of mine now. second, several days ago i needed to use it (and i explained to her the reason why i asked her all of a sudden was that because the other day i was searching the item but couldn't find it anywhere). i'm not sure i will need it again in the future, especially when i decided to move out and live in another place. My honest opinion is that we should share the money for the item, not the actual price as we paid for it but lower; or, on the other hand, she should pay me a little amount of $ for taking that to her sister to use. I felt like I'm so tiny and mean to require that from her, but i am allowing me to be honest here. Anyway, are you interested in the "happy ending" of the story?

Me: the other day I was looking for the cook and couldn't find it anywhere so I couldn't have anything to cook my meals. Do you happen to know where it is?
NT roomate: I gave it to my sister, I'm sorry I forgot to tell me.
Me: (silent for a while, putting post on WP, and turned to her): Please won't you take anything more out of the house.
NT roomate: What are you saying?
Me: (repeat slowly)
NT roomate: laugh
Me: why are you laughing? I'm not kidding
NT roomate: I don't say that you're kidding

i dont know, but i told my mother when the lease is up in about 5 months, im taking the tv, the vacuum cleaner and a chair in the living room. i bought them, and i told her she can keep the computer in the living room, the bed that turns into the couch in the living room and all the dishes, i'll just use plastic silverware and paper plates when i move out