Should I tell a friend I think he has Asperger's?

Post Reply New Topic

Hello,

I have 3 sons - 2 diagnosed with Asperger's, the youngest too young yet to get diagnosed.

Anyway, I am meeting up with a friend I haven't seen for almost 2 years. I can't wait to see him!

I've only known what Asperger's is for about 18 months. But as I've learned more about it, I keep thinking my friend definantly is an Aspie.

He's had problems with depression and anger. He saw a counsellor who didn't help.

I was thinking I would tell him about Asperger's and my kids.

But should I come right out and tell him I think he is an Aspie?

I think it would help him to understand his lonely childhood and help him with his depression/anger.

Regards
Helen

It would probably help him especially if he went all this time undiagnosed. It could help him become aware of things that might set him back with no explanation as to why.

I think you should just let him find out for himself, but guide him there. Just coming out and saying it could come off as offensive to some people.

I also have a friend who I strongly believe has asperger...but she personally believes she has ADD. (despite the fact she's the opposite of impulsive) I'm thinking of taking some reading material on ASD to her next time I see her.

It's kinda difficult, since I feel I might be more eager to get her ASD confirmed (if she'd have it) then she probably is. When you know someone has ASD, you tend to be a lot more forgiving towards traits you'd otherwise classify as desinterested, aloof or anti-social.

My ex shrink just started talking about it in reference to a book but I was a bit standoffish then so it was six month later when she told me for definite I likely had it.

I think you should mention the subject, ask what he knows about it, etc.

Last edited by 0_equals_true on 16 Oct 2007, 4:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

She could be co-morbid like me. You don't need to be impulsive, as in take unnecessary risks, etc. I was very confused about that because it mentioned risk taking in the literature. I’ve made some poor judgements only occasional and mostly when I was younger and avoid taking risks in general. 'Impulsivity' is a different thing. It is measured on a conscious performance test called the Connor's.

Theres a 10 point self checklist u can download from the cambridge autism research centre website. Probably the best diagnostic I've seen. It was seeing that on the web when i was researching depression that made me realize i had a bit more than the blues. It was a shock, a big shock. Be prepared for a reaction, maybe a big one. Or u might just get tears of relief...

i would maybe introduce him to the concept by talking about your kids.

im sure that if you highlight the right aspects of your kids' experiences... that he will catch on

that's what clued me in right away.... was just being introduced to it.... i just knew

plus he may feel less threatened or defensive if it's somthing he comes around to.

I think you should ask him first if he has ever heard of AS. If he says yes, ask him if he thinks he has it. if he says no to he has never heard of AS, you can tell him he should look into it. It might help explain his problems and see if it maybe has it too.

I was going to say something much like sedaka. If I were him, and you came off as you do here, and told me about your kids, and proded a little to make me realize I had it, I would LOVE you, and you would have a friend for life! BTW don't judge or insist, and don't tell him before he sees your own personality, the kids, and hears how fond you are of them and him.

Great advice Sedaka! I'll do what you say.

I'm sure when I tell him about the kids he will catch on.

He is extraordinarily intelligent! He didn't do well in school but managed to pass. He worked for 10 years then applied for university. Since he's started he's beeen getting top marks.

Helen

It was friends that told me I'm Aspie. They spotted it a mile off! They suggested some books to read and afterwards I had no doubt and when ahead to seek a diagnosis - age 42!

I personally would just want to be told (but then I prefer that people be straight forward), and would tell someone, but I'd couch it in nice terms as best I could. Just ask if the person had head of it, explain about it a little bit, let them know it doesn't mean anything's WRONG with someone who has it, but that it seemed like they might fit it, or aspects of it. Something like that.

I was just asking about ADHD in another thread, since I didn't understand how they could be connected (and I'm also the exact opposite of impulsive, often agonizing over decisions for weeks or months ).

So what is this "impulsivity" that you're talking about? Is it possible to take this Connor's test online, or how does it work exactly?

Unfortunately it is not available online as it is not open source. I was surprised how much it cost for the software considering it is essentially just flashing letters. The measurement is a more involved than that but still. The main thing is I believe they have a centralised database and therefore can train data effectively. This is why they ask me if information could be held on such a database when I when to the centre.

Really there is a difference between behavioural impulsivity and cognitive impulsivity.

Behavioural Impulsivity is doing things on impulse and not thinking of the consequences like risk taking, cutting in a line, shouting out answers, etc.

Cognitive Impulsivity is more to do with mental choices and not being able to stop yourself from effectively guessing.

The Connor's the second one. You have a series of flashing letters and they come in sets that vary in speed. You have to click for every letter except X. The test measures various things, you reaction times, standard error, the number you get correct. Impulsivity is basically measured by not being able to stop yourself from clinking we you see an X. It is odd. I see an X, I know it is an X but much of the time I just can't stop myself from clicking.

Huh, that's interesting. Thanks for the explanation! I'd love to take that. I don't THINK I'd do that, but I guess I don't really know.

That sounds like it could be a completely separate thing from how the impulsive word is normally used. ALL this stuff is so confusing...