Siblings of those with Asperger's

Post Reply New Topic

I have a brother who really, really is amazingly much an aspie - the hard part to believe is that there wasn't a correct diagnosis sooner. Assorted other family members may or may not be, and I believe I am NT. There's a parent's forum, but I haven't seen anything relating to siblings.

I'm 24, he's 19, so it's a little late for a lot of stuff. And I know everyone is different. But if I could learn what people wish their NT siblings had known or done, I think that would be a really good idea.

My brothers both were NT, I was HFA, the thing I wish they did growing up was understand that I don't get sarcasm, don't get many jokes, and understand during meltdowns or tantrums to just not push it any further and try to make me calm down instead .

My one brother whos got ADHD whos 24, never understood, that teasing I never got or understood, so I would instantly get aggravated and attack him, and he would return by hitting me back, which always resulted in me with cuts, bruises, injuries that took me to the hospital . My brother who would be 26 and half, was the only one that understood, I didn't get sarcasm, or didn't get teasing, thats why I was always subjected to bullies, so he would comfort me, and gave me bear hugs to calm me down.

I would say, firstly for you being on this site to learn more about his world, is one of the best things you could have done. I soo wish, any of my family came on this site to maybe try to understand me better, so I would say your on the right track !

My only sister, for all practical purposes is NT...in the sense that she is at one with all the rules of wanting to fit in and be like everyone else...her taste in material posessions...abhorrance of anything used or eccentric....In my immediate family, she was like the "normal" girl in the Munsters.
She does have her issues though. Although she has very NT social tendancies, she used to be very rigid with her food...it always had to be very plain....she used to have incredible violent tantrums, and she was often very mean.
She was horribly embarrased to have me for a sister and wanted very badly to have a "normal" family.
As adults, we basicly have no bond, whatsoever.

My mom has ADD, my brothers have ADHD, and my sister is NT.

No idea, but my brother was bullied as I was at school as he was quiet and very musically inclined... his world was and is music. He was the quiet one who would sit building things from lego and making crystal radios. I was the one who would run in and smash into the things he made as I was so hyperactive, resulting in much upset from him.
But then I believe I have ADHD... I don't subscribe to this idea that females don't get ADHD, only ADD as I had all the hyperactive traits.

That's the first I have heard of that one.

It seems like I have always flip-flopped between the two.

Several have told me that females don't get diagnosed with ADHD, but rather ADD, which makes little sense to me. My ex who did degree level psychology said that too.

I have been hypractive too...I seemed to switch from ADD to ADHD when I hit puberty...then sorta switched back again later on.

The best thing for NT siblings to be for their AS siblings is to just be siblings. The disorder can be difficult on the whole family, but a strong family bond can help. Both of my siblings are NT. We care about each other, have sibling rivalry, and look after each other much like other siblings. We do tend to have a stronger bond than some of my peers have with their siblings, yet that may have more to do with moving a lot, as we were the constant support in each other's lives. My sibs have always tried to look out for me, defend me, and help me to adjust. Likewise I would defend and help my siblings to the best of my ability as well. Most of the "friendships" I had as a child I got through my sister. I don't know if this was because she was actively scoping out potiential "friends" for me, or just because she was naturally the social butterfly and we happen to be very close in age, or even if she knowingly used the later to achieve the former. I do know that niether one of my siblings would let any of their friends treat me bad, they had to accept me, at least in front of my siblings, in order to keep that friendship. I don't tolerate people treating my siblings bad either, by word or deed, so in a way it does even out a bit. Though I am eternally greatful for all that my siblings have done, especialy for those things that I can not return.

YEAH, it is like this scene in, I believe, "SPECIES". Someone asked why they made the alien a female. They said that females were easier to control. The person that asked was AGAST! My social skills are bad, etc... but even *I* know better than that. It's especially funny because all the stereotypes about females that ARE primarily true may not be different in another species so it would make even less sense.

I have seen girls, and even grown women, that were every bit as hyper as any male.

alegziz,

Please realize that Age1600 is talking about HER! In a lot of cases, it is probably better to just apologize, ask if you can help, and leave them alone. Age1600 would probably be fine with that as well.

not true,but probably because of the stereotype that boys are more hyper.
am also diagnosed with ADHD-combined type,meds and exercise keep the hyperactivity low,ageing seems to have helped a little,nothing else has changed though.



alegziz,
do want a board for siblings?
it would be a good idea to have one on here,as there is the parents board,but it would need to be used a lot otherwise they get deleted.

I would love a board for siblings. Most of the stuff I've found is not quite applicable to me - "I know when I'm going into a meltdown" isn't the same as "the most common ways other people can tell", and for the parent's board, it's talking about a completely different dynamic in the relationship. I am not raising him; I am not his girlfriend; I am his sister. And it's just not the same.

I have wound up being comforted that things aren't worse than they are; by comparison, it appears little brother and I get along wonderfully. Which is more than a little bit frightening, come to think of it. We get along much, much better now that we live on opposite ends of the country, and all interaction is by phone or email, except for breif perods of time during vacations...