Has anyone read this book and related to it?
It's about a mentally ret*d man who has surgery which causes his brain to develop over time until he is a genius. It is excellent writing because it is told in journal style, and Charlie, the protogonist, begins with stunted writing and awful spelling, like a little kid, and gradually it gets better, until he is a genius. He slowly begins to deteriorate again....
I relate to it because I used to have difficulties and now function completley and no one would guess I have AS. Yet I have in recent times descended into severe depression, due to so many years of isolation and the knowledge that I will never get them back. But to me it feels like a deterioration into my former state.
Yet, I still have knowledge, knowledge of knowledge, awareness of my previous blindness, an awareness of things I never knew I never knew existed. And it has been both the process of descending back into the darkness and the recovery process which has made me realize this. Knowledge brings sadness often, oh to go back to that ignorant state....yet I value knowledge so much that I know despite its pain, mine is a high and lonely destiny which so few are blessed/cursed to know.
Sometimes I tell myself I am glad I am not like others, not ignorant like them, nor ignorant like I used to be in a self enveloped world. Yet at times, I just want to sleep....to forget, to be stupid, to be like others, to live in mediocrity. I think in the end, greatness (and I honestly believe I am destined to do great things) can not be found int people that are simply happy and dumb.
Greatness comes from madness or pain. Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that madness or pain are often the corollary results of talents destined for greatness. There are great men who were happy and never crazy, and crazy men who descend further into incompetence, but I guarantee you there is a link between genius and madness. Pain and maturity. Even though it hinders for the moment, it will catapult one beyond the stars.
I feel like the tortured genius. I feel like Charlie. But I don't think my end is destined to return to the beginning, for the very nature of awareness of knowledge means that I will never lose it. Feelings can be lost. Knowledge cannot.