Christmas has gotten me thinking.

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Well, I spent Christmas Day with my partner and their family and it has really made me start thinking about things.

I was very tired when I went, I didn't manage to get to sleep until 8am, and had to wake up at 9am. We got dressed, walked over. We greeted her family, they're very huggy people which I find awkward, but they're mostly nice to me. My partner has five siblings on her mum's side. One of them is very patronising. She made a point of empathising that she had been up until 3am. She seemed to be being competitive, but I'm not sure what about. Either being more tired, or being more self-sacrificing because she was up wrapping presents and the other tired people were up... well, me watching the Simpsons and her brothers were playing Xbox.

This sister also has to control every social situation, and seems to want everyone to be subordinate to her. She also mocks things I can't do. Like, I can't use a knife and fork very well at all. Normally I just eat without one, because the kind of food I like to eat doesn't really require them, possibly why I like that food because to be honest as long as it's bland - preferably dry, and definitely never squishy - I'll eat it. I can't tie my shoe laces either, and she mocks me for that. If I look tired she mocks me, and patronises me. She thinks she is superior intellectually, and when ever she talks about something academic she 'dumb' it down for me. To be clear, they don't know that I have suspected AS/A. They do know that I have dyspraxia, but her sister has dyspraxia and dyslexia, so she should know this is not an appropriate way to treat people. She also has a psychology degree, but I seem to understand people better. (Mainly because I have a habit of dissecting every conversation I have, and trying to ply the motives and feelings from the interactions, which works sometimes.)

So, I find her offensive. Do I just put up with it, after all she's my partner's sister and it might not be my 'place' to say anything to her, or say something? If say something, say what?

I thought I did fairly well at that gathering, because I made consistent eye contact. People smiled at me, and engaged in pleasant conversation. Although I did a lot of stimming (I mainly stimm by clicking my fingers, tapping my chest with a half closed fist, and sort of waving, but my hands are in the wrong place for a wave) and twitching. Especially when my partners 18 month old niece was around, because I can handle my sound sensitivity for the most part - and I borrowed my partner's snuggie which was soft and calming - but babies are a whole different level of random unexpected noise. The shrieking! Is! Unbearable!

Anyway, I thought I did well, but when my partner and I got back home (we're 18 and 19 and they live with me and my mother) they said "I forget how really socially awkward you are", because we spent a lot of our time just at home in each others company.

It got me thinking, am I that socially awkward? It takes a lot of energy for me to behave in a quasi-normal way socially. My NT partner says that socialising takes very little energy, it's the getting out there and not the socialising that takes the most energy (for them, but they're chronically depressed and I think that factors in.). I wonder if this is actually the case?

I know I enjoy things in a different way to most people, but I don't know if the way I enjoy things is typical to ASD, or if I'm just odd. I enjoy things a lot more in hindsight. Mostly, at the time I'm uncomfortable, anxious and mildly irritated and confused. Especially in social situations. I spend a lot of time telling people that the things they're saying make little/no logical sense. People mostly get offended by this, I know this, I don't understand why. If something I say makes no logical sense I would like to be told, so I think about them and decide if they're acceptable (emotions seem to fall in the acceptable illogical category), a verbal mistake, or illogical though pattern and/or rationale.

I often wonder if I'm on the spectrum, or just very strange.

Any input would be helpful

[Post Edited slightly as I noticed some errors]

I don't know. You sound kind of AS maybe. Insufficient data presented, however.

You seem to dissect people like I do.

You didn't have a major meltdown and the educated b*tch is still standing. I'd say the day was a success. Don't be too hard on yourself.