I need suggestions from Aspies

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I don't want them to think that I am lying, that I don't want to take responsibility for my actions, that I am a hypochondriac, that I am stupid or that I am insane.

Can someone give me suggestions as to how to reveal my condition to friends and family members in the most diplomatic way possible?

I just want to make sure I don't mess up if and when I tell people close to me that I have AS, and need suggestions from experienced aspies.

Have you educated yourself enough to feel comfortable helping others to understand when they ask questions? From your first sentence I'm guessing not? I think I would work on that first if you aren't ready, as you know questions will be asked, you need to be ready for them.

I haven't told most of my family yet myself. Those I have told, I just came out with it when they made fun of me. When someone comments that you are acting oddly, just calmly say you have AS/Autism/Whatever. The reaction I have had from people so far is "Oh, well that makes complete sense then". It's a relief really for both myself & them (so far). Those people no longer make embarrassing comments either.

I'm sure others here will have better advice.

Hello Snowy

I would reinforce and enlarge on what Wrackspurt says. Prepartion of yourself is a priority. It may be important not to "rehearse" too much as people will come up with unexpected reactions/questions and that may throw you. A depth of knowledge would be beneficial.

You may also wish to consider what your expectations are? Whenever I have a person disclose somethng about themselves my first thought is "Why are you telling me this? What outcome are you expecting? How will this change things?".

Sometimes the reaction is underwhelming!

Peace

Tog

I see you aren't sure if you have AS or not according to your profile. I wouldn't tell them since you aren't really sure if you have it or not.

http://www.coachingasperger.com/advantages.htm puts it in a positive light.
best wishes
JC
unlearningasperger.blogspot.com/

Like wrackspurt said, preparing yourself is the most important aspect. If you go over to people and say: "I THINK I have asperger", then leave it at that, people may think it's all in your head and you're just making excuses to justify certain things. So the most important thing is to be sure you have it.

Self-diagnosis isn't for everybody, especially when you're prone to self-doubt. If all else fails, you might consider seeing a specialist on ASD (autism spectrum disorders) and getting diagnosis...it'll skip a very difficult part of the job.

When you're positive you have it, read up a bit on aspergers and do some soul-searching to find out which of your personality traits and behavior sets could be attributed to ASD. It'll also help you understand yourself a little better. Don't rely on other people to piece everything together while you just mention you have ASD. At least not before you did the piecing yourself...becoming better aware of your strengths, limitations and the overall role of ASD in your life is important for boosting other people's awareness.

Tell one person first who is most likely to be the most supportive. Make certain you point out the diagnostic criteria and how it matches you. Bring things in writing from books or the internet that explains it so they can read it and realize you are not making it up. Further, make sure you do not make excuses for behaviors or mistakes. Simply tell them about the social and emotional and mental ramifications of this disorder. If they don't respond kindly at first, give it time. I told my family about it 12 years ago and my mother is just now starting to accept it. (We knew something was wrong with me since early childhood, but Asperger's was not diagnosed when I was a child. They merely said I fell somewhere on the spectrum). Most importantly, keep in mind that even if they are not supportive, it is you and your life. You are still you. You just have a name for the unusual qualities of you. It doesn't change anything about your life except maybe explaining some of the oddities about it. You are great for who you are and it is their loss if you are not accepted.

Good luck!

Ok JCJC777,

I hate myself for saying this to you, but THANKS! I've been pulled off course before, and try to limit time I spend on something(I have been known to stick to a minor problem on a minor detail for a LONG tme), but that list, at http://www.coachingasperger.com/advantages.htm , is still a pretty good description of me.

mw99,

The problem with people here is they almost always "know" something. And a lot of sites out there "explain" it. If they aren't open minded, or don't access the sites in the right order, or respect you enough, it can be HARD to get the truth across.

I wouldn't tell anyone unless they needed to know. People don't understand autism.

I haven't told people about me having AS until recently. I was "unofficially" diagnosed 8 years ago, and received an official diagnosis earlier this year.

I think I've been too open with people. Part of my problem is not knowing when to shut up. While I'm generally quiet, if I get going on a subject of interest (i.e. something like autism), then I don't know where to draw the line in conversation, and I sort of spew stuff out, stuff I had wanted to keep private. It's like I don't have a filtering mechanism. In the heat of the moment, omission seems like lying to me (even though I realize it's not -- it's just keeping certain stuff private). I guess what I'm saying is: be careful with who you say it to, and make sure you trust them. I've spoken/written far too casually and publicly about my AS, I think, and now some people act differently around me. It's kind of uncomfortable.

I'm also gullible and tend to believe whatever others tell me. So, when they say things like "you're in grad school, which means you're too high-functioning to have AS," I begin to have a crisis of conscience. Some have told me, conversely, that I seem too low-functioning to have AS, and this also makes me "feel bad." So, be prepared for a variety of comments. Hopefully you'll be better at deciphering intent than I am. I have a feeling that some of things said to me were meant as compliments but that I interpreted them as insults.

It sounds, though, that you have the right intentions. Part of letting people know about Asperger's involves informing them about how you communicate. Since I'm in a PhD program this year, I've been very public about this with my peers and professors because I'll be working so closely with them. (That, and AS has developed into a research interest for me.) Just make sure that you've got the right reasons, I guess. Communication is a big thing: we all want to understand and be understood.

I think that speaking about AS can be a way of taking responsibility for your actions, especially if you frame it in terms of things you'd like to work on or understand better. It shows that you're coming to important realizations about yourself and why you do the things you do.