to a doctor we will be seeing about my son. I know it's long.... I feel like I'm going insane.... If you feel like reading it... I would appreciate it, that and any comments or similarities you may have experienced...
Here I sit, completely heart sick over my boy as I look at the school lunch I packed nine hours ago for him which is completely untouched. I know he must be hungry. How is it that he had enough energy to go up to the awaiting parents on the sidewalk, on the way to the car, after school, to over enthusiastically jump in their faces and scream “boo” at them. It may seem like a kid thing to do, but this is one of the reasons I rarely take him out to a store. He instantly goes into hyper aggressive mode and inappropriately touches people or articles on the shelves. I repeat myself at least a dozen times for him to calm down or stop and I receive no feedback whatsoever. It results in a meltdown on my part for him to understand the gravity of his manners. Friends and family are annoyed because we rarely visit not understanding or believing it’s not a discipline problem. For us we feel trapped at home.
How is it that at home that he can be such an angel some days and others a complete tyrant towards his sister causing endless fights and screaming beyond control. Some days he will gently pet and protect the dog, while others he kicks and pounds on her with toys.
I’m so frustrated with his poor eating habits. How can a child survive on Goldfish crackers, chicken strips, cereal and milk, waffles, buttered toast and occasionally potato chips? Even candy goes uneaten (not always, but most often) and is usually grouped by shape or colour. Once in a while he will get brave and try a new food, like a hot dog wiener (NO bun) cut into perfectly formed circles.. but that was short lived. In the morning he often wakes with phlegm and can’t seem to get rid of it unless he throws up. There is no rhyme or reason to his vomit spurts he calls “yucky”. It could because we asked him to take one more bite of Rice Krispies or smelling house cleaners or food cooking like onions or meat balls.
Although imaginary play is coming (with the help of emulating t.v.) his toys are still lined up in a row or grouped by colour. He will only colour with the white labeled crayons and is more interested in folding the paper over and over again than drawing on it. Over the summer when at the playground he met a boy who wanted to engage in some superhero play. As the boy described each others role, Brandon blurted out “I Like Chicken”. I still see this type of random interjection… Wednesday at the grocery store he told someone he had a green jacket when they asked him how he was. When I dropped him off at school a friend asked him to come around the fence and he stated “Halloween”. He is definitely getting more mature with his vocabulary, but it’s so awkward and I still don’t understand what he says. He describes things such as circles “rounding it” or when he had his blood work the needle was a “circle funnel”. He will talk and talk about non-sense and my husband and I just look at each other blankly and feel completely saddened by our incomprehension. I phoned his Jr. K. teacher the third week of school the evening prior to our pediatrician appointment in October to see what he has observed from Brandon so far. Mr. Duke described Brandon as being one year developmentally delayed (as he should be in Sr. K. right now). I asked about how he felt about Brandon’s communication skills and he couldn’t really comment as they don’t address that until January. I explained to him that I have NO idea what Brandon does during the day. I ask every night after school who his friends are, what stories or activities did they do, did he have fun and all I receive are blank stares or “talk ‘bout later” or “talk in four days”. Mr. Duke kindly assured me that Brandon did indeed have a friend named Victoria and that they play well together. Which was a relief because sometimes Brandon can become rough or at the sitter tend to go off by himself and ask to sleep or cover his ears for the noise. Mr. Duke did say that Brandon is easily distracted, say for example he will watch another school mate play with a shoe lace while on the floor instead of listening to the class discussion. Whatever Mr. Duke is doing, it sure is great for Brandon because he adores school and really has progressed with a better attitude. But I still fear he is very behind.
The reason I am writing this, is my boy sure has taught me a lot about myself. I always knew that my brother had MAJOR school issues and my Mother struggled on a daily basis to comprehend what was happening to him. He was diagnosed as borderline autistic. He was seen by doctors at Sick Kids and participated in a program at Alexandria Clinic (now the Oshawa Hospital) for years. Teachers stuck my brother in the hall for weeks on end. He spent most of his childhood on Ritalin. My brother’s hyperactivity even drove my mother to the mental health ward. Things were much different back then. Although I have to say, I feel like I’m not too far sometimes from having to be committed like my mother was. Brandon is nowhere near as bad as Mark, but I stress so badly over not doing the right things for him, worrying if he is eating the wrong things (respect to gluten and dairy free diets), but I couldn’t possibly imagine how Brandon would survive if we excluded those ingredients. I get so angry and often loose my temper. Sometimes I yell at him, sometimes I try to reason and often I feel like I’m getting nowhere. My father also was an odd fellow. When I met my husband he always joked that you could set a time lapsed camera up and see that he would be doing the same things at the same time every single day. If you ever broke his routine, there would be literally hell to pay. When my Dad passed and we began to clean out his house we discovered so many odd things. He spent hours, daily, processing, underlining and charting how all of his RRSP funds were doing. He couldn’t make a purchase at the store without writing it down. He saved every receipt with his credit card slips and checked every penny. One highly anticipated wedding, my father left at 9:00 because it was his “soup” time. So it’s no surprise that my son genetically inherited such peculiar behaviors. I believe I am suffering from an almost debilitating form of what has been described as “Autistic Spectrum Disorder” or “Aspergers” along with my boy. I do strange things, think in abnormal ways, obsess over things I can’t control or am very compulsive, and am easily distracted, have lack concentration and I fear my anger issues. I had to write to you because I was agonizing that my social awkwardness would somehow not allow me to convey to you what is going on with my son on our appointment day of November 5th. I have been tormenting myself, troubled that I may forget something or seem like I was exaggerating to be understood due to my fear of people and white coat syndrome.
Brandon has been different right from the beginning. We brought him home and he REFUSED to drink from any other nipple than what he had at the hospital. We spent days and nearly $100 searching for one that was acceptable. In the meantime we
washed and sanitized the sole nipple we took from the hospital until it fell to pieces (not good). The formula consistency was equally a problem for him as we weaned him from pre-made to the powder over two months. This type of sensitivity continued on from shoes to clothes. He refused to wear shoes until 3 years old. As he grew he learned very rapidly, walking at 9 months old, knowing the dance moves to all Wiggles songs, numbers, alphabet, but couldn’t say “MOM” until much later on. It disturbs me so to see him ask the name of his beloved four characters because he has forgotten them all. When he would go to sleep, he wouldn’t lay down until he spits on the pillow then lays it. He still does this little ritual before he sleeps. He was slow at using a fork and spoon, probably because he never had a reason to use them since he didn’t eat. He was and still is a little on the clutzy side having bruises all over. I feel like I need to over protect him even on a jungle gym and only let my husband take him out to playgrounds because I tend to over stress about it. Just this weekend he was playing with pencils (note, not colouring but playing with them) and he came out of his bedroom with a bruise and bleeding cut two centimeters from his left eye. He is also very routine. On our way to Dr. Lewis’s appointment he was frantically telling my husband and I that we missed the 401 exit as we had been taking that cut off for three weeks for his Whitby Grandview appointments for fine motor skills. He did very well there, but again, for the first few appointments he wouldn’t follow instructions and I could see him losing his attention after only a few exercises.
I (WE) need help. At first glance it seems like Brandon’s a normal 5 year old active boy. As a mother, I KNOW he’s different than most. I’m very anxious for him and really hope that you may be able to offer some suggestions or treatments to help him succeed.
22 Oct 2007, 11:34 am
