People's disgust/derision/disdain at things you said/did...

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Once I resold some of my old school textbooks and got over $50. I was huingry so I went and got a yummy smoked-meat sandwich to eat. I stood eating it in the kitchen and my father came home. I thought he might have wanted to know how the sale went, so I said that right away that I got 50-something dollars. As I was eating the food. He interpreted it to mean that as soon as I had money I decided that I MUST get some food, that I was eating just for something to do. He looked at me, disgusted, and said in a scolding/disgusted way, "Buy some food for your cat." It wasn't like I wouldn't have eventually thought about it!

Once me and my friend were eating popcorn while swinging on a swing at another friend's party, and the third friend's mother was mad when we spilled it on the grass, and told my friend to clean it up, and banned her from the house! My third friend could never have her over again! (I was also banned from her house for other stupid reasons.)


When I confessed to my shrink that I wanted to run down the streets yelling "Look at me!" and maybe even go into a high school with a gun and say "Look at me!", he said in a rather derisive, disdainful way, "And then what?" He was such a nice guy too, so it sort of hurt, but he forgave me immediately, so no damage done.

Also, when I kept saying I didn't think I had AS even after he broguth up my stimming when I was a little kid, he said with a bit of impatience, "But those are autistic tendencies!" Yeah, but I had more non-autistic tendencies! Take that!

Once when I sat on some gum-- mind you, it was my gum-- in the small room me and both my parents lived in, he disgustedly told me to take off my skirt that had the gum on it.

Once when my parents were having a conversation about the olden days, and my father said that everything was bigger in the 1970s-- cars, pizzas, everything-- I blurted out something that I myself had observed-- that bathroom sinks were also bigger in the 70s. I meant it as a joke but it came out the wrong way and my father looked worried/wierded out by it.

Once when I ordered this little polar bear pen with a book for kids containing heartwarming stories about bears-- this was in grade 7-- my homeroom teacher embarrassedly threw it onto my desk with a frown on her face or something.

I remember one time I went grocery shopping with my sister, and when we were standing in line, she remembered that we forgot something, so I went to go get it. On the way to go get it, there was a long line of people blocking my way, so I went between this guy with his cart and an old lady, and I nudged the cart to the side a bit so I wouldn't bump into the old lady. So when I got back, my sister was going all PMS on me for it, and I didn't understand what I did that was so bad. She couldn't have treated me worse if I killed the man with the cart and raped the old lady. Like, I'm so sure the guy was just freakin DEVASTATED that I nudged his cart a little bit, he probably didn't think a damn thing of it, so what was the big damn deal? When we got home, she got together with my parents and had a party tearing my head off. I couldn't understand what was so damn horrible about what I did, and when I tried to figure it out, they would tell me I didn't get it or something. Of coarse I didn't get their point, because they couldn't explain it to me, their logic was all flawed, they were the ones who didn't get it. Stuff like that used to happen to me all the time, just because I was younger I was always wrong and everyone else was always right, I could never be right about anything, and thats why when I proved them wrong, I just didn't "get it".

It's like the whole world shares an inside joke and anytime I try to understand what they're laughing about, they won't tell me because they tell me I won't get it. Geez, I remember growing up, there were so many times I got told that.

And then you have the situations where you say something to someone in class and then your friend or the person sitting next to you leans over and says, "Gosh, I can't believe you just said that!" What'd I say??? That was a big deal? Either, A. I wanted to know the answer to a question, or B. if I were that person, I would have wanted to be told about that thing.

Yup. I've lost count of the number of times I've said something and received "that" look - you know the one - and been left standing there, thinking, "What'd I say?"

I remember two occasions especially well. Once, when I was quite young, me and my brother were settling down for our first night in our holiday accomodation. Our room was right next to the living room, and Mum and Dad had the television on, and it was keeping me awake. Rather than go in and ask them to turn the sound down, and maybe spoil their evening, I went and asked if I could have some cotton wool to put in my ears. I thought that way I could get to sleep and they could continue to watch their television. I was trying to be considerate, honestly. But I got such a telling off - I was being rude, and ungrateful, and how could I be so thoughtless when they'd just bought me on this nice holiday? I just stood there, totally confused.

And years later, when I was on a residential field course with the other students from my Applied Biology course, we were all in the kitchen. Everybody was horsing around - wrestling, flicking wet tea towels, and so on - and I thought I'd join in, so I flicked a damp towel I happened to be holding. Immediately the room went quiet and somebody bleated something about the watch they were wearing that my towel had come close to...

Exit me, covered in confusion, once again.

I get those looks constantly, especially in school or at family gatherings. It hurts so much. If they are so concerned about how we look to "others" or how "others" feel, how come they don't care how WE feel?

That's a very good point.

I once had a theory that "normal people" are as*holes. I havn't really been able to discredit that theory yet. I remember a few times when I was accused of being inconsiderate of others, when it was really the opposite, they just didn't understand my way of expressing gratitude or acceptability. What I want to know is why the hell should I be considerate anyway? Who really deserves it? Nobody ever gives a damn about me. No matter what I do, how much I give, how much of my free time I spend helping others, its not enough, I gotta be Mr. f*****g Rogers too. Its like the first strike is always the last straw, as if I owe them a goddamn thing, or like I'm on probation or something. Thats my thanks for doing somebody a favor?

He probably WANTED to say something like that, and you were there. You reacted normally!



Some people are NEUROTIC! My mother is the SAME way!



What did you expect a psychiatrist to say?



I heard a LOT of young kids stim! WHAT, you mean they DON'T? That old stim a lot of kids do, with the kicking.... Is one I ALWAYS did! Then again, I only remember a few sitting with me when I did it. NOBODY thought it unusual though. BTW I like doing it in the doctors office too! Most other places are just too short for a normal adult.



The sad fact of life is you have to dirty your mind to interpret your ideas such that you can choose your words carefully. Some have REALLY dirty minds! Yeah, even CANDY bars were bigger!



Go figure...

People can be very inconsiderate and egocentric. They think their point of view is the only acceptable one, their timetable for things is the only acceptable one, their "norms" the only acceptable ones. They never consider maybe they are the unacceptable ones...

This thread reminded me of when I was talking to another AS person and we both agreed that we go over memories often of past screw ups and bad events. They seem to haunt us, overwhelm us and depress us more than NTs. NTs seem to get past old stuff and move on. Maybe we keep going over the memories to try and make sense of things.

Another time is when I remember my father complaining with anger, disgust, annoyance, derision and disdain that I sat around at home all day while he woke up at 3 in the morning to work hard all day, then came home after 10 at night.

Yesterday when we were having a meeting with the psychodrama group I attend to, the group leader brought in heart-shaped pillows to sit on, and two girls said they were delighted to have heart-shaped pillows. I remembered a random thing I had learned and found interesting, and that was the fact that the heart shape doesn't really originate from the shape of the heart (organ), but from a Renaissance painting which depicts Aphrodite's butt. I said it aloud, assuming everyone will find it just as eciting as I did, but they were upset, and I still don't have a clue why do some people get offended by mere facts.

Once I was in my dad's apartment, and I said I was hungry, and there was nothing in the fridge (or hardly anything). He told me to have one of his hot peppers. I did. It was very very hot. He said he had only been joking when he said that, but it was good for me, so whatever.


I don't know if it was the same time, but I remember eating one or two of them and putting some small hot pepper pieces (with the seeds attached) in one or two of his plant pots, and he came and saw and said "Tabernac!" and got mad, and asked why I did it and I said to plant some pepper trees, and I tried to explain what I was doing (those parts were too seeded to be edible anyway) but I found it hard to explain because he was so mad, and he got mad some more and said later, "Don't waste food anymore."