Meltdown/outburst fears

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Do you ever fear having meltdowns/outbursts in public? Also, do you usually feel really bad after having one?

I am just wondering because I feel this sometimes. There have even been moments where situations that could trigger them have caused me to move far away from it. Then I have those moments where after I've melted down, I feel really embarrassed by them. Like, I often wish that I never had the meltdown in the first place. It makes me feel silly too because some of the things I have meltdowns/outbursts over are usually stupid (ex. melting down because my dad couldn't cash a check).

So, your thoughts and answers? D:

All. The. Time.

The other day I sat in the bathroom rocking and sobbing because I had unraveled a pipe cleaner puzzle my wife had made for me. (Even though it's meant to be unraveled and put back together.) As much as I love the puzzles, I feel like I'm breaking them every time I take them apart, and as someone who personifies everything, I felt like I'd hurt the thing by doing so. So I just had a big freakout/meltdown. Afterwards I felt awfully stupid. I didn't even tell my wife about my dilemma because I figured she'd get mad that I was flipping my sh** over the very puzzle she gave me that was supposed to be a stim toy. I feel the need to mention that I was not PMSing, either, and usually am not. XD

I could go in depth about all the weird and silly things I've wigged out about, but that would take forever. I get very self conscious of my meltdowns after I have them. I feel ashamed and want to hide from the world every time one happens, because I know it's not "socially acceptable." It's especially difficult in public settings like parties, events, or even supermarkets.

This makes me feel less silly. I've melted down over things most people would consider over the top. Like, at one time they were arresting some guy at Walmart possibly shoplifting. Well, he was putting up a fight, and it absolutely TERRIFIED me. I stood there screaming in a huge outburst frenzy. It got to the point where my parents had to actually go to another walmart because I wouldn't set foot in the current one where the problem was.

Then another time. I always ask for a separate bag for my stuff at Walmart. One of the employees said he couldn't do this, and it caused me to meltdown or whatever. My mom had to tell him about me having autism. He was also rude by saying he was only joking about it. The problem with this incident is that I took him too seriously. The only way I can tell if someone is messing around is if they chuckle or something. The guy didn't do that, and I wasn't sure... so it triggered me. ><

That's also how I feel about them. I don't have them all that often either, so it's probably another reason I feel that way. I'm not used to them, and it will often make me feel ashamed or embarrassed because I know other people have said some s**t or given me or my parents dirty looks. D:

Sorry. Wrong Planet asked me to verify I wasn't a robot, and I somehow lost the post after I did... wtf.

Bumping due to the spam flood.

WP has me do that for some reason, too, and I lose all my text. O.o

I can definitely relate to taking people too literally. My wife drops hints all the time to me about what she wants. I've spent 10 years with her, and I still don't get them when I'm suppose to. I take her literally all the time, and it frustrates the heck out of her. That usually causes her to get frustrated and huffy with me for a while, which puts me in a depressed and anxious mood because she's basically my rock. Without her, I fall. So when she refuses to talk to me when I need to discuss something, I'm thrown into panic with no outlet, which leads to a big meltdown. We've finally gotten down a system where if she says something that I suspect might be a hint, I need to ask her directly by saying, "Was that a hint?" Then it forces her to be literal with me.

I hated outbursts too. That is why I take Sertraline. That seems to help me keep in control of how I express anger and frustration. I do still get angry sometimes, but it's down to a more normal level, and doesn't leave me feeling embarrassed or bad afterwards.

That is why it's annoying when people say "oh but you get really anxious, socially phobic, depressed, emotional, irritable and agitated, so your meds can't be working." They ARE working, because ever since I've been taking them (which has been 2 years now) I've been able to control outbursts. So I think I'll stay on those, because I, and all my family, hated those outbursts.

I can't imagine anyone not fearing public meltdowns and feeling bad about them afterwords. They usually feel like they are stupid and for no good reason. it really sucks loosing control over self.

Hey SweeToxic,

Good to see you back again on WP.

Just wanna say that the meltdowns you are speaking of get gradually less in both frequency and severity as you get older. Also and more importantly, it is very helpful to change your world view. Yet another thing that can be done is to create strategic warning signs for yourself. For example when you feel a certain aggitation/annoyance coming up which has a reasonable chance of escalating to a meltdown, you are alerted to take preventive action like walking away or if you are having a heated discussion just to shut up. I hope this helps you a bit.