Do you dislike visiting/being visited by your relatives?

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Mw99
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31 Oct 2007, 8:14 pm

They usually start asking questions. They'll ask about my job, my living situation, etc. Revealing to them that I don't own a car is something that I have learned from experience not to do. Telling them that I don't have a car is like telling them that I failed at life: there is a brief moment of silence, they look at each other as if expressing confusion, and then either look straight at me and ask how come I still don't have a car (as if implying that I am somehow supposed to have a car) or politely try to change the focus of the "conversation" as if trying not to embarrass me any further. At this point they are usually intrigued and start asking more personal questions, and after a series of unconventional answers, they debrief me with the question "Do you have friends?" I'm not sure if this is an aspie thing or if I just happen to be overly sensitive, but being asked whether I have friends makes me feel extremely uncomfortable (when was the last time you saw a totally "normal" person ask another totally "normal" person whether he or she has friends?). The fact that they feel the need to ask me such a question suggests that they think there is something wrong or unusual about me, which I find embarrassing and offensive. They wouldn't be mistaken in thinking there is something wrong or unusual about me, but I'd rather not be reminded.

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9CatMom
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31 Oct 2007, 8:58 pm

I feel embarrassed when anyone, relative or not, asks me such personal questions. I too, feel as though I have failed in life. I consider myself relatively successful.



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31 Oct 2007, 9:01 pm

I don't like visiting relatives. Most of them are decent people, I just have very little in common with them.


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Lumina
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31 Oct 2007, 9:15 pm

Very much so, I’ve worked myself into a panic over the thought of having to visit relatives or having them come over for a visit. It doesn’t help that my parents still treat me as thought I were 13 years old. :roll:

The plus side is I don’t have them asking too many personal questions. Everyone assumes my life is going in the same direction it always has.



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31 Oct 2007, 9:55 pm

Quote:
Do you dislike visiting your relatives?


With my family? Yes... usually... there's too much strife and blame always going on. Mostly the same old, "blame the kid!".

I used to enjoy visiting my former wife's family... I suppose since the divorce... I'm no longer family to them... after 17yrs.

Quote:
Do you dislike being visited by your relatives?


I have never in my life had a relative visit me. I don't expect any of them will ever visit me in my lifetime. I'll visit them though... I always do.


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Belle77
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01 Nov 2007, 12:36 am

I dislike being visited much more than I dislike visiting. It's a lot easier for me to leave someone's house than to ask someone to leave my house.



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01 Nov 2007, 2:07 am

Oh, I hate visiting relatives. I don't see any reason for me to see them. I don't know them they are all just a bunch of strangers to me no matter how many times I see them or if I know their name (which most of the time I don't). Its just I don't know them and they don't know me and I am not compelled to know them. A few months ago I went on a vacation and I had to stay with my aunt for three days. So for three days I just sat in the room alone because I couldn't take all the people everywhere. Every time I showed my face, I just heard "Oh my god! Its it you! You are so big!" and then they would proceed to hug me. Ugh. My skin was crawling the whole vacation.

I just don't have anything to say to them. We have nothing in common except that my dad is their brother or that my mom is their sister. I am positive we don't like the same movies, literature, music, have the same humor. It makes me angry that I have to pretend to be someone around them just so that I am "acceptable" or I don't embarass my parents. It is all so fake.

Although through one annoying clingy girl (my cousin) I found out that my aunt is having an affair. Personally I thought that it was hilarious, but I don't anyone else would find that funny so I just kept that little joke to myself.



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01 Nov 2007, 3:23 am

Don't want to use the word hate but definitely uncomfortable with it. I'm not even really sure why because when I do see them unexpectedly it's usually never as bad as I think and alot of the time I end up enjoy talking to them despite how I come off.



tomamil
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01 Nov 2007, 3:53 am

first of all, no one is visiting me because i live too far away from everybody :)

i don't have a car either, but it's just because i don't want one. although, in Europe it's more normal not to have a car, we like to walk :)

i had people asking me if i have friends, though. (not family, they see me as successful, they don't see why would that be important.) i, too, felt like something is wrong with me when got that question. i am quite out of average person, but it doesn't mean there is anything wrong. although, those people who asked me that question didn't stop liking me for that. my situation is a bit different, i am a foreigner living in different country, it was more or less expected to be living here in solitude.



Bodorus
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01 Nov 2007, 4:33 am

i dont like it,
and about these questions about friends or a car or something, i was extremely embarassed by these questions before, but since a year or so i have tricks to solve it, now i find it funny to tell them how much a failure that i am, for example by telling them with a smile that i am such an as*hole that i don't have friends, or telling them that i am so poor that i cant afford a car, that cars are only for rich people etc. Of course they know that i'm not quite serious, but they have some answers and they are completely confused by these answers because no one else would say things like that (and i find it quite funny to do that, but i would rather not be visited by them, because they bore me to death, always talking about other persons)



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01 Nov 2007, 5:12 am

I am the opposite. I *love* getting visits from my family.

Tim


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01 Nov 2007, 5:57 am

I get on really well with my siblings when I see them or speak to them. I'm the one that has to drag my kids across the country and I'm the one (Mr Telephone-phobic) who has to place the phone calls :roll: . One of them hasn't stepped foot in my house since I was married 12 years ago. I'm just tired of being ignored for no apparent reason. To be honest, I've reached the point at which I just can't be bothered anymore.

On the other hand, I see my in-laws all the time. Now that is a nightmare :wink:

My wife now justs asks me if I'd prefer to stay at home at Christmas - she quickly worked out what my stock answer is every year! :D



nominalist
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01 Nov 2007, 7:28 am

Honestly, I dislike being visited by anyone. I really don't like having anyone in my place.


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01 Nov 2007, 9:45 am

Dunno, color me clueless, but isn't that all *small talk*? Do you guys ever talk about meaningful stuff like your art, inspiration, philosophy, world events and how they effect you, health concerns to humanity - etc. etc.? You know, like normal human being speak?

Did you ever try to steer the convo away from minutia onto something more meaningful?


Mw99 wrote:
They usually start asking questions. They'll ask about my job, my living situation, etc. Revealing to them that I don't own a car is something that I have learned from experience not to do. Telling them that I don't have a car is like telling them that I failed at life: there is a brief moment of silence, they look at each other as if expressing confusion, and then either look straight at me and ask how come I still don't have a car (as if implying that I am somehow supposed to have a car) or politely try to change the focus of the "conversation" as if trying not to embarrass me any further. At this point they are usually intrigued and start asking more personal questions, and after a series of unconventional answers, they debrief me with the question "Do you have friends?" I'm not sure if this is an aspie thing or if I just happen to be overly sensitive, but being asked whether I have friends makes me feel extremely uncomfortable (when was the last time you saw a totally "normal" person ask another totally "normal" person whether he or she has friends?). The fact that they feel the need to ask me such a question suggests that they think there is something wrong or unusual about me, which I find embarrassing and offensive. They wouldn't be mistaken in thinking there is something wrong or unusual about me, but I'd rather not be reminded.

Feel free to comment.


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nominalist
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01 Nov 2007, 10:27 am

jjstar wrote:
Dunno, color me clueless, but isn't that all *small talk*? Do you guys ever talk about meaningful stuff like your art, inspiration, philosophy, world events and how they effect you, health concerns to humanity - etc. etc.? You know, like normal human being speak?


There are actually sections of Wrong Planet devoted to such subjects. For instance, I often post in the politics/religion section.


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01 Nov 2007, 10:37 am

My sister has a two year old and a 7 month old and she comes over EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

Having young children over is incredibly overwhelming, and my sister is a very obnoxious person. It's so stressful that sometimes I wish my parents, my brother and I could move to another state just to be away from her.