Not 'moving with the group'

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I was thinking about an old thread today where I posted the following:

A couple of people from the original thread agreed with me that this happens to them too. I am wondering how common this is (especially among autistics)? It probably has something to do with social cues/being observant. I spoke with my husband about this recently and he said it's totally dumb that I don't get this. He says if people are in a group (unless they're sitting down) they're going to be moving and you have to go with the flow. I don't even see the flow until it's too late and I'm on the outside. Is it just me?

move that lil body girl

maybe u should just hold hands wit someone u know

or just wear aerodynamic shoes

LOL! Yeah I do hold hands with my husband now. It happened most often when I was in highschool.

It is just me then, huh?

it depends, post a pic then we'll see if its actually u

Many people here have seen my picture.

I don't like being in the circle in the first place. I don't really know why. It's just uncomfortable to have so much of my personal space being invaded, so I'm usually standing on the outside of it on purpose.

Last edited by serenity on 27 Feb 2009, 3:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I know there are a couple of people here who have had this happen to them!! I'd like to hear that I'm not alone in this

Last edited by mitharatowen on 27 Feb 2009, 9:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't 'get' the flow either, but I won't be staring at backs all that much because I'll make my way back and shove others out of the way carefully to stay in a circle.

Learnt to. Otherwise I would be staring at backs a lot indeed because I somehow usually end up outside of the group. Even if the group likes me and wonders why the heck I'm not with them.

^ Yeah! That's it exactly!! People weren't excluding me on purpose... Whenever I realized I was on the outside I'd be like "SEE!! ! IT HAPPENED AGAIN!!" and everyone would be like What?? How do you do that?? lol

I didn't realize that it was my fault until I was with my husband and he explained it to me. I don't understand why they move. I don't move..

Me too! In many group situations. Also when walking with others, if the path is wide enough for 3 and there are 4 of us, guess who's all by himself behind the others? Or in front of them. And that can be despite continual effort to NOT be the one left out. It's like the others know what I'm doing and it all becomes an almost overt competition as to "who belongs the most". It's pathetic, in one sense.

I am now aware enough of it happening, that if I concentrate 100% on not being the one left behind, I can sometimes manage to stay with the group. Then what happens is that because I have focussed so much on observing the movements of the others, predicting where they'll move to next, constantly readjusting, then I have totally lost track of what anybody has actually said!

It seems that it will never be instinctive, always effort. What happens if you get a group of 'us', the out-of-synch ones all together? Would the least extreme on the spectrum somehow manage to group with each other?

This seems to me the core sympton of AS: not naturally belonging with the herd.

Oh, I move and I think I move a lot. But I don't move in sync with them. And then I also don't even pick up when they move subtly. Standing still or moving a lot don't seem to solve that one unless one moves in sync with the other people.

grab their booties from behind next time, u have an advantage being like this

They move in synch with eachother completely self-concously? Cuz that seems weird to me lol.

I don't think so. Otherwise it would be easy to move along I'd think, because whatever people are aware of is slow and gives more obvious cues as to what is going on.

Uhm.. not sure how I did that.. but I meant 'subconsciously' .. without having to think.

THe group is a difficult one for AS people.
I spoke with my psych about the exhaustion i feel in group dynamics and we discussed the reality as it exists for people on the spectrum.
FOr me, the group exists as a series of complex interplays and social subtleties between individuals. I grasp onto a few words here and there, but i spend most of my energy trying to cognitively and intellectually break down and absorb a host of social information exchanges (verbal, unspoken) that most people absorband respond to intuitively.
THis means i often "lag behind" in the sense that i am working hard to process information that others processed intuitively some time before me.

SO, if a group moves, i am a number of steps behind. i have not yet processed the move because my mind is busy trying to work out the complex exchanges between the people before me. Nad don;t forget, if one has AS - the subtle non-verbal cues are some of the most difficult things for us to read.

as a result........I prefer one on one. (only have to decipher one humanoid at a time, then.)