The Pieces That Don't Fit

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Once upon a time I would write off my deep-seated yet inexplicable beliefs as some schizoid manifestation of my flawed development, but these days I can pick a random board on WrongPlanet and find a dozen people who hold the same views as me - interpret that as you will. For that reason, I kind of wanted to share this strange sense/conviction I have, and see if anyone else does too.

It's very hard to describe, but here goes:

Do you ever feel like you're on the verge to making sense of your life and its place in the world, but the pieces to the puzzle just don't quite fit - yet you're close?

People who knew me as a child say they could never get a damned thing through my head until someone answered the question of why, and then after that I'd go along perfectly. I still feel like that today, always wondering why I should bother performing this or that social necessity, and I think much of my malaise and inertia these days comes from going along with the social flow without a mature understanding of why I'm doing it in the first place.

This description is terribly vague even in my own mind, but I always feel like I could be the successful person everyone always said I would become, if only I could make the pieces fit. Like if I just grasped this one thing then instead of spinning in my own aimless circles, some sort of unifiying motivation would kick in and I'd know what to do with myself again. No more chronic fatigue, no more disintegrating mind, and I'd at least have some solid ground to stand on as I work my way through the social world - even if I'll never truly be a part of it.

I raise the question because loved ones are trying to push me to return home and start psychotherapy, but I can't escape the feeling that unless a professional can help me find this thing - whatever it is - then I'm wasting time.

If this is me and me alone, well, that's a feeling I'm used to. But if anyone else feels anything remotely along these lines, I'd really love to hear it.

Thanks for your time,

Ben

I can relate...

my answer: I will attempt something socially, if i truly want to. If i dont want to, or if i have certain qualms about it, i wont. I dont make immediate decisions, i ponder options. I refuse to let peer pressure influence my decisions. I will take other peoples feelings into consideration, so if i choose not to do something, i will be considerate enough to say no in advance. I refuse to do something i dont want to do, simply because other people are pressuring me to do so.

to summarize, i do what makes me happy. if it makes other people happy? awesome. if other people dont like it, too bad.

that way i am happy with myself.

mike

hah, i have this issue all the time. My friends get frustrated when they need to explain things to me for over an hour until i can officially get it. I just need to know every single possible angle of an issue before i can accept it.... or else it feels like ideas hit my brain and bounce right off

It is quite possible to get to your 50s and still not know what you want to be when you grow up. I am living proof!

Psychotherapy, talk therapy generally, I didn't find especially helpful. If you have a gifted, intuitive counselor with a nose for investigation, though - that might put you on the road to finding answers.

Best of luck, and welcome here.

my dad, another aspie, said it like it is:

do what you love

love what you do

do what you do best


It's a great credo to live by; a life fulfilled.

Your dad is very wise and supportive, could not have said it better......

<<It is quite possible to get to your 50s and still not know what you want to be when you grow up. I am living proof!>>

Reminds me of a line from Paula Poundstone. Why do you think adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up? Because they're looking for ideas for themselves.

omg yes! im always feel like im about to be normal and then yao ming scores 28 points last nite driving up the value of the autographed rookies i have. the endless cycle of obsessing about card values and a players proformance is endless. but i love it muhahahaha

Yes of course I've felt this feeling before...especially in 2003 when I was last with the Deaf-Blind. But since they all pushed me away, I've felt like my AS has greatly worsened.

As for what mikegee's dad said, I strongly agree. It's the only way I can feel fulfilled.

I feel the same as you. I look at things and puzzle and consider and weigh, etc. I need to know why...why did this happen? Why should this be this way? Why do I need to do this? I drive people crazy. I was kicked out of a bible study group for driving the leader insane with my constant questioning. Funny thing is people think I am dumb because they cannot understand the questions or the need for them.

Anyways, psychoanalysis may be the only type of therapy worth your time. I see no harm in meeting with this therapist to interview him/her. Depending on how she or he does, you can decide for yourself. In fact, pose that very post to her/him.