Aspergers and Eye Contact

Post Reply New Topic

Firstly I apologize if this subject has been covered before, but I need personal answers and solutions that will be able to help me out a bit and help me understand more about this dilemma that seems to affect many of us aspies.

Recently (few months back) I was diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome. In many ways it bought me relief, but I still find myself with more questions than answers. The main one is being Sensory issues. I can't quite explain how they effect me, but they are significant enough to effect my daily living. Most people perceive me as normal until they start to see my ticks and quirks.

One question that has been frustrating me for quite some time is eye contact.

Why can't I make solid eye contact with people? Why does it hurt?
Its like everything goes distorted and I can't make sense of things, I become disorientated when I do it. Its like looking up at the sun, you can't keep fixated during eye contact because of the intensity.

It makes me sad.

I want to understand how the Aspergers brain is wired up and how it plays its role in social environments and processing information.

For me, looking people in the eyes is just very uncomfortable. When I do it, it feels like they can look all the way into me and see EVERYTHING. So, I actually feel violated in a way. It also feels far too intimate on my end as well, as if I am crossing a boundary. I can only look someone in the eyes if I trust them completely and if they already know me very well. Even then, it is only for two or three seconds and then I need to look away.

I always assumed it was an emotional response but recently I read that it could be because of a difference in the amygdala, which regulates the flight or fight response. I can do it with some people but usually I look at mouths. If I do happen to be able to do it, then I am thinking about it. Never is it completely natural and unthinking.

Yep.. same here..
I was actually happens to know that.. when we want to talk to somebody.. We have to look in their eyes..
And it was very funny when I was remember back in my days.. I always look at their mouth and nose and sometimes their hand..
But now, i was just love to look at their eyes just because of the pattern..
But still.. the eye contact thing with the meaning thingy.. I still cant express it,

I think my eye contact is fairly normal nowadays, though I used to have frequent arguments with my dad over this. I always had major trouble looking into his eyes. When I did oblige and look him into the eyes, I couldn't really maintain it and had to look away. It was rather painful, and I don't know if it was strictly anxiety or something else. It was frustrating, though, because all I wanted to do was hear what he had to say and go. But he was focused on the eye contact aspect. And I couldn't listen to him and make consistent eye contact without tuning out what he was saying.

Have you tried just making quick "glances" at the person you're talking to? I've found that that is easier to maintain a conversation if I'm not staring intently at them and instead looking away every so often. This helps me prevent that feeling of being overwhelmed. It's a little hit and miss, though, sometimes.

As for the why... you might be able to do some research into it maybe. Maybe you'll find something out?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eye_contact

I hate making eye contact, but I can do so without it being overwhelming.

My big problem for a very long time, and probably still, is to determine how much eye contact is appropriate. The sweet spot is somewhere between my instinctive "look at the lips or anywhere else" and making a full on Hannibal Lecter stare. Too much one way and I come off as shy or distracted, too much the other way and I come off as someone who wants to wear their skin.

By default, though, I tend to not even face in their direction when I talk.

I automatically look away if I get in eye contact with someone. I can force myself to look somene in the eyes for longer, though it's somewhat uncomfortable, but I don't really care enough to do that. I usually either look down or at something in the area, or at some part of the other person's face other than the eyes.
It's not a big issue for me, as other people don't seem to mind.