Mental service intervention or not?

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I was on some time ago. My son is now 16yrs old and is very depressed he is not leaving his room he sleeps until ablut 3pm in the day and then stays up all night. He plays computer games and watches 'Naruto' all the time. He only leaves his room to get food. He has stopped communicating and wants to be left alone in his room.

I am now faced with 2 options. 1. Leave him to rot in his room and get physically sicker and more and more depressed. or 2. Sign him into a mental hospital where he can get some psychiactric help.

I am very scared of both of these options but can't see any other way as:

1. He refuses to see anyone or let anyone come into him.
2. He refuses to leave his room.
3. He is very distressed and depressed.

My concerns are that:
1. Asperger's is not the same as a mental disorder ie. Schizophenia or bipolar.
2. He may be 16yrs old but he is like a 3 yr old or 5 yr old in many ways.
3. He is terrified of strangers and strange places.
4. He can't cope with strange smells or things.
5. He can only cope with his own things that he knows and the same food every day.

Has anyone out there any advice or experience of being at this stage, I can just leave him for the rest of his life in his room, I am terrified of what he could do.

Julia

He sounds like I was and am.

If he cannot handle the world that others can and he wasn't made for, why force him to do something that he cannot do? 'cause he's depressed?

I wonder why he's depressed in the first place, is it because he sees the disproval in those around him and his condition, this disproval can magnify his AS as well as induce depression (I'm not assuming that this is how it is, but I've seen this happen). Constant fear of the environment as well as social rejection can make one depressed, there's not much one can do for this other than seeking professional help, hospitalization isn't needed. A combination of anti-depressant medication and CBT therapy from someone specialized in autism can help, but it won't "cure" him, it may make him more comfortable however.

He is who he is, not what he's not.

This is such a hard reply to write, because I'm biased. I was in and out of psych. wards 5 times, non voluntary. It made me more depressed, and sour toward my mother for wanting me there. Every teen is different. Every hospital is different. But I am a big fan of letting kids make their own decisions, and I think at 16 he's probably capable of deciding weather or not he has a problem and/or wants to get help. I think you should talk to him. Tell him what's going through your head. If you don't think he'll be receptive to a parental chat, write him a letter. He'll have to read it. Do your research. Learn about support groups, therapists, psychiatrists in your area specializing in autism or AS. At the very least, I found speaking to a therapist a great way to vent. It made me feel better. Maybe he just needs someone to talk to, who isn't going to bombard them with all those worry some parental emotions. If he's in a bad place right now, having the weight of you worrying about him on his shoulders may not make it easier. Try to take a logical and rational approach, just like you would with any illness. "Say Jimmy, you've had this cough for 3 weeks now, maybe we should take you to the doctor to get some antibiotics".

I have all kinds of regrets about the way my mom handled things with me. I know she does too. So like I said, I'm biased and giving advice based on my experiences as a teen. Just trying to give what slight bit of wisdom I have. Anyway, I wish you luck and other good things.

I too have a sixteen year old son. 3 weeks ago I just took my son to a residential Thearaputic Boarding School in Provo Utah we live in Texas. I totally relate to your dilemma. My son is DX'ed Aspergers,OCD,Major Depressive Disorder, ADHD and SI. When he fixates on something he goes all out and sad to say he started obsessing with drugs. He has no friends and no social skills depite professionals working with him. I was left with no choice but to seek help outside our home enviornment. It came to point that I was affraid if something was not done I would find him dead upstairs in his room. My son has an IQ of 148 but NO common sence. When I did a history on his computer websites visited in the last month I found he had read everything he could get his hands on about drugs, how to use them and their side effects also I found under his bed a three inch paper back book about pills. He had read it from cover to cover I could tell because he crimps pages as he reads also for the last month his main topic of conversation has all been about drugs. He has been telling me latly that he is just like "House" the Doctor on TV. I caught him even trying to walk like him. In a three day period he overdosed on caffine, I caught him trying to huff a commercial grade cleaner also he stole a cough medication and took it. Not a couple of pills but 8 of them landing back in the Hospital having his stomach pumped. I hope I made the right decision to send him to this place, only time will tell. Best of luck to you and your son!! !!

Llari

Not to long ago I took a friend to see a psychologist. The friend didn't want to go (quite a few bad past experiences - seems like everyone who had to see a psych as a child had a terrible experience with them because they refuse to believe children). I told him he was going and made the appointment. I also promised to go in with him so he wouldn't be alone. When we began talking to the psychologist my friend was all about how he didn't think he needed to be there, he was forced to come, blah blah blah. They psych asked me why I brought him, i told, and then he told my friend he'd rather I leave but I could stay if thats what the friend wanted. The friend said I could leave. Nearly two hours later my friend came out noticeably happy - something I hadn't seen in months. The friend began going back every week on his own and it made a noticeable difference.

He is 16 years old...are you home schooling him or has he dropped out?

I was in a psychiatric hospital for adolescents and it wasn't a great place but, I got alot of understanding and support from people
and other teens who related to what I was experiencing. Adolescence is a tough time for everyone...I would never want to go
through that period of life again.

In addition, the psychiatric hospital had a day treatment program for kids arriving every morning to attend school at the hospital
as well as therapy programs...then, kids went home at 2:30 pm to be with their families, except those kids who needed residential care and stayed overnight. It was a great treatment program for alot of kids...who eventually returned to their own
schools when they didn't need "special" care in a hospital setting.

While it's very hard to even guess at the correct course of action without being in your shoes, I can only suggest that involuntary admission to a ward should be a solution of last resort. If a person has truly become a danger to themselves or others, then certainly don't hesitate, and even the most oblique references to suicide are reasonable grounds for immediate intervention.

Voluntary participation in therapy of any sort is probably going to be better - and if it is at all possible then you should pursue that. Try to get more specific advice from a professional if at all possible, or at the very least try to get someone to help out trying to convince your son to take a shot at it.

Whatever else, don't try to handle the situation on your own - you need to help yourself to help your son.

My 2 cents - I'm not a professional and have no authority in these matters, but I've had some experience with them.

Nick

Julia,

In some ways, **I** may be like your son! Relating to your words:

1. I don't want to see anyone or let anyone come into my room.
2. I often don't leave my room.
3. I may seem very distressed by some sometimes, and have been depressed.

1. Asperger's is not the same as a mental disorder ie. Schizophenia or bipolar.
2. I am over 40, and some think I sometimes act younger. GRANTED, I don't act like 3-5 years, etc..., but some have acted like some things I have done/said/wanted were out of line with my age. It doesn't happen often now, but SOMETIMES....
3. I often avoid strangers and strange places.
4. I often don't like strange smells or things.
5. I generally try to only cope with my own things that I know and I ate the same food every day for a long time.

BTW I have made people rich. Many people consider me to be pretty bright. I have gainful employment doing worthwhile things, and pay more in taxes than the average American makes.

You should talk to your son, and try doing it as a FRIEND rather than a "concerned mother". You, like MY mother, might be part of the problem. There are a lot worse things he could be doing.

Julia,
FYI, There are many different levels of care if you are looking to get help for your son. I hear people refferring to sending your son off to a Nut House, Psych ward or some kind of place for ret*d people. The level of care is as follows: a (1) level care facility is much like the description above, total lock down, no shoestrings type place. Level (2) not much better than (1) most places that are level two take a lot of children who have been in foster care and are totally non functioning. Level (3) are like wilderness progams. My son is at level (4) Theraputic Boarding School. They don't take hard core drug abusers, criminal minded childern. They take children with avg. to above avg. intellegents. this particular Theraputic School specializes in teaching children who have Aspergers, OCD, SI, ADHD and Depression. They work therapeuticly to help them with life skills and social skills. The school my son is attending is a coed school for boys and girls. I spoke to my son over the phone tonight and although he is having a hard time getting to sleep and adjusting to the food. It takes my son along time to adjust to anything and the food is only because they wont let him eat the same weird thing over and over again. He never once said mom, this place sucks, come get me out of hear. I talk to my sons Therapist daily and I will tell you it hasn't been easy for my son mainly because of his OCD and his lack of adaption to change skills. I have no doubt this has been worse on me than on my son. My son is kind of an out of sight out of mind kind of kid and I think once he has a few self esteem building experiences under his belt he will do great. No longer is he wondering the halls of the public education system, lost and feeling like a freak. He is now in a safe inviorment with other freaks just like him learning how to take care of himself so that he can make it on his own someday when I'm not around. That is all I wanted to add.
Best of luck,
Llari

I have a similar history. Was put in a psych ward several times as a teenager. I can say that they were the most traumatic experiences of my life, and that they didn't help me AT ALL.

I'd think some kind of outpatient help would be good, except there's always the danger they'll decide he "has" to be hospitalized and all that garbage.

On the other hand, it does sound like I don't know what you can do. He'd have to be willing to at least acknowledge that there's a problem, he's depressed, etc.

Is he on any antidepresents? Actually those didn't work for me either, but everyone's different. It sounds like he was diagnosed already, so what do those doctors think?

This sounds similar to the condition described by Ann Bauer in her Salon piece:autistic catatonia.
Or it could be a simple sleeping disorder--I highly recommend the book "The Promise of Sleep" especially with all the recent scientific articles that have come out about how sleep deprivation can actually cause depression and moodiness.

I've done fieldwork in a variety of mental hospitals, and while they might work differently in adolescent wards, would not recommend them. They are generally very understaffed, not usually experienced in autism and not very flexible with respect to special diets or sleeping schedules so your son would probably get worse.

So don't feel like you only have these two extreme options!

That's something else, isn't it?

For a year as a teenager I started staying up all night too and sleeping late into the day (missed about a year of school I think).

My cousin did the exact same thing when he was 16! He dropped out of school, and jsut stayed in his room all day doing what your son does. He eventually went back to school, he has a counselor he enjoys talking to besides, and now he's doing other things like traveling, working a little, etc. He was taken to the mental hospital just to see someone (nopt to stay), and they asked questions, and the shrink didn't know what wwas wogn with him.