How would you react to being asked if you are autistic?

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I've been wondering about going up to a freshman at the college I live near who associates with the same social group I associate with and asking him simply "Are you diagnosed?" I have no idea however if this will upset him, as usually if both of us are in the same place its an overwhelming place.

I also don't want to suddenly have him turning to me for help that I cannot give him. I want to let him know that people in this group are autism-friendly even if a few of the most visible people aren't very so that he's not scared away from possibly the most autism-friendly group on campus, but am scared that he'd expect more that I cannot give.

The other problem is of course that every time I've thought about saying something (because he's visibly stressed out bringing this up again), its also been at times where I've been unable to think enough to be able to come up with any words to say.

However, would it be offensive or helpful or something else for someone to just ask a question like that? Would it be different if they're someone you think is an NT or someone you think is on the spectrum?

I'd freeze. Just something I'd never expect so it be hard for me to answer. Maybe I would answer "Until 2013."

I think it is rude to ask someone if they are autistic because what if they weren't autistic, they might get offended. It's like asking someone if they are ret*d and I remember how that would make me feel. Now today I wouldn't care but back then I did because I wanted to be normal and not appear different. Plus I didn't want to be ret*d and have people thinking I was so asking someone if they are autistic when they are not might offend them because they want to be normal and not have people think they have autism.


You can try and be passive aggressive about it like bringing up the topic like ask him if he has seen Mozart and the Whale or the movie Adam or if he has read any book that was about AS such as House Rules and see if he mentions about him having it. Or start talking about yourself and share your struggles and mention you have AS and see if he mentions it too.

If it is an autism group, I don't think it be rude to ask if he is diagnosed. You already know he has it.

"That depends. You know what it is, right?"

I'd be a bit more subtle. Just start up a regular conversation, and then somewhere in there ask something like "Hey, I'm studying autism. Do you know anyone with aspergers or autism?". If you're good at reading facial expressions, it should be pretty easy to tell if they're "hiding something" if they decide to lie.

And, yes, if they're NT, there's a fairly good chance they'll be offended if you ask "Are you diagnosed?" because it implies "I think you're autistic" which is really offensive. Even if they're AS, they'll probably be offended if they haven't been diagnosed yet.

"No, I just like to hit my head on stuff."

"Yeah, I am; how did you know?"

I've had a few people guess it specifically. A lot more people seem to know more vaguely--they'll guess at things like eccentric, nerdy, intellectually disabled, ADHD, gifted, or learning disability. I mean, I know I'm obviously different; but I don't think I specifically ring the "autism" bell for anyone who hasn't had experience with other autistic people.

I would freak out because nobody has asked me this before.

Tuttle,

My answer is from a standpoint of assuming that you are on the spectrum. If not, then disregard this completely. I would start a conversation with him, maybe invite him for coffee, or something where you can talk for a few minutes. Mention what your diagnosis is, and see how he reacts. Depending on his reaction you could say something lightheartedly along the lines of "A couple of the things you do remind me of me and some other folks on the spectrum I know. It's no big deal you know. Do you think you are?" This way he can tell you if he is, or he can ask what the things are he does, and if he doesn't know, it will give you a chance to explain it to him and he could possibly go find out.

I wasn't diagnosed until my early 40s and it was from a situation really similar to this one. I had younger teens at home at the time, but there were a couple of older teens next door. They would hang out with my kids and play video games. They sometimes brought friends. One of the regular friends they brought asked me one day "How did you learn to deal with being an Aspie so well?" I had never heard of Aspergers, let alone the term "Aspie". I told him no, I'm not from Aspen, where did he get that idea from, I can't even ski. He explained what he meant. He told me he is an Aspie. I asked what made him think that I had it, and he listed off a big ole laundry list of stuff, which I thought were simply my eccentricities. Then he started asking me other stuff like do I ever just get totally obsessed with a subject or an activity for months and want to do only that, then one day it's just gone. I said yes. He asked me about sensory issues that I had never mentioned. We talked about a lot of things when he would come over with the Sims boys. He would always find time to say he was coming upstairs for a coke or something and would talk to me. He eventually gave me the name of a Doctor and said what would it hurt to find out? I went. He was right. And it's really better to know, for me anyway.

It helps me to know because even though it doesn't change my emotions and my feelings about something, but I can logically know that I'm so upset over something trivial because of the AS. And other things. I imagine it's the relief that Epstein-Barr patients feel when they find out that they really do have something and they aren't just lazy like people may have accused them of being. Or Fibromyalga patients when they find out it's really something and not just all in their heads or they are complaining over nothing. It's real. I'm able to handle my emotional outbursts a lot better since my dx, well somewhat better, sometimes, if I can stop and remind myself that it's really not as important as I'm feeling that it is, it's simply that I am wired to think it is. That doesn't always work, but it does sometimes. Unless I get overwhelmed.

I think the biggest favor you could do for him is to talk to him and find out. Don't do it as bluntly as E did me though. He thought I knew. He said "How could you not know?" It was obvious to him, but I had never heard of it. The only thing I had ever seen or heard about Autism was "Rain Man". I talked with him a lot afterwards, and still keep in touch to this day. It was really nice to be able to talk to somebody about it, who understood. Lurking here long ago was nice too, but I think it's going to be nicer now that I've actually joined. I don't see E very often. He works a lot. I see his wife though. She's a special ed teacher and she sells Avon also, and she's my Avon lady. I see him three or four times a year around holidays when his friends who live next door are home. All those boys are grown and married now.

Frances

I have had the reverse when I told people they would say "oh I know already" they didn't tell me if people ask me I tell them wat they need to know and I am not embarrassed to answer any question

If someone asked me that I'd be like "oh are you as well"?

I did ask someone once who was very shy and trying to become friends with me. I asked in code though I said are you by any chance an "Aspie"? He said what's that? I knew instantly by that reaction that he probably wasn't. I told him it was a cool nerd thing and that I was just wondering if he was familiar with it because he's always telling me about his passion for dungeons and dragons. Then he said what's that have to do with D&D and I was like LOL never mind. In the end he never knew that I asked him if he had Aspergers.

The only time I even considered asking someone was when the girl who sat next to me in band was bad mouthing autistic kids. She was doing a report on it, and I had asked if she had known anything about AS. She disregarded it, stating she was only studying autism, not asperger's, and went on about autism in a very offensive way. But I was pretty sure she was. Difficulty socializing, reading social cues, obsessesion with buses and bus drivers, dislikes breaks in routine.
I didn't because I didn't want to offend her.

If someone asked me, I'd probly smile and say"yeah, borderline, technically. How'd you know?"

My response:
"yeah, probably why did you ask?" It is not something I'm ashamed of and if it comes up I will talk about it, but I don't announce it to the world.

I think asking "are you diagnosed" is very rude, some people aren't comfortable enough with themselves to talk about it.I know this sounds cliche, but why not except people for who they are. If you want to talk about ASD with him then why not talk about yourself.