The Essential Difference;what XXL Empathy might look like?

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Just been reading Baron-Cohens book " The Essential Difference", and was wondering what the "extreme empathy" type would look like.
Maybe the reason i spent most of youth in some sort of narcissistic-personality reaction ( from some time in infancy until the three years 1989-1992, aged 26-29, when had manic-depressive breakdown followed by discovery of compassion, for self and for others, since which have been slowed up terribly in all areas of life involving people,) of careful and almost complete ignorance of people having real feelings behind their faces, is BECAUSE actually I am an XXL Empathiser, for whom interacting with people is so exhausting, overwhelming, wearing, and influencing over me and my state of being that I shut it down at an early age so could concentrate on growing and learning. I can remember, for instance, finding my mother EXHAUSTING to be around when i was a few months old, cos she was so anxious and needing reassurance all the time. I shut down to protect myself. Does this fit for anyone else?

B-Cohen says that they don't know what an extreme empathiser would look like.
Is it possible that XXL Empathy could look like/be part of Aspergers ?

An XXXL empathisers defense/adaptation/survival system could be to cut off from others feelings, style NPD, so as not to be drowned in empathetic reactions when around people, BUT as soon as such a defense crashed would be suddenly sinking in all that , exhausted and deafened by company, aware of a billion layers of feeling in every human being as soon as relate to them, so feels like a million possibilities/subtleties to deal with. Buffeted and blown off course by every human contact, and needing marathon periods of time alone to keep hold of oneself. Poor sense of boundaries; ability/tendency to blend into another, to be drawn into another to feel exactly what they feel but feel as if been consumed at end. Have to stay away from people to survive, OR turn it down so low to self-protect that afterwards seem like selfish inconsiderate ....

I have the sensory issues, the tidy toy syndrome, the poor eye contact ( but why?), aswell as the confusion socially, of Aspergers, BUT perhaps NOT because don't get the messages but because i get SO MANY, of the contradictory messages in a human face!

Last edited by ouinon on 19 Nov 2007, 11:53 am, edited 6 times in total.

This would fit.
It would explain the conflict i experience about being with people; love it, and loathe it for its draining/distorting quality.
The times in recent years that i have got a deep connection/passage of communication going with someone, man or woman, by some fine system of listening , and which was wrecked as soon as my son came in room/came back, because my self-protective empathy-switch-off operated immediately. But how I felt the use of energy, in the "being absorbed" by the other person, as I reflected/felt/responded to everything they were feeling.
High-empathy could be insupportable and complicated in many situations; work environments mainly. But also out on the streets, the misery and strain on almost everyones faces. How stupid it has made me about the simplest things cos i am overwhelmed by other peoples feelings. I can not concentrate on anything else. Unadapted to modern environments, of fast pace, change, new faces etc.
How i was most "successful", ( work, money, relationships, freedom, etc) when i had shut it, the empathy, down , in fact had forgotten living any other way, was in fact faking being NT.

The awful load of what feel in response to other peoples pain, the heavy load of how to react; there is no room for self, unless retire and live hermit like, or lower the volume and live in what feels like constant selfishness.

Why extreme empathy type might be part of the aspergers phenomenon already.

Something rather odd about how I can use the same symptoms to describe many of both high SQ and high EQ problems. It explains why I wondered how was supposed to know if was very good at reading between the lines in social interaction; because if are very empathetic might feel there is so much to respond to do not know if is the whole story; Never is anyway. Peoples feelings go down miles.
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Last edited by ouinon on 19 Nov 2007, 5:04 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Mustn't forget that I haven't eaten gluten in about 5/6 weeks, and not eaten casein ( dairy) in 2 weeks or so. This may be altering my perspective/experience somewhat, to say the least !

Fear! At least that is the case with me. Eye contact can be emotinally very confronting. Humans but especially animals
use eye contact to dominate and intimidate among other (empathic) emotions. Trying to conquer this fear and making
more and longer eye contact helps reading peoples emotions.

Yes, i was thinking might be something like that; which if was very empathetic, likely to be drowned in response to others feelings, would lead to me avoiding eye contact.

hmm