Lost Fixation.
I live almost completely in the moment, and focus on what I am doing almost to the exclusion of all else. I have a few interests (middle ages, human sciences, nature) and few different ways of getting involved in those interests (reading, writing, drawing) and so at any given time I can be spending 10-12 hours a day drawing clothing from the middle ages, or spend the same amount of time reading textbooks and researching Psychosomatic reactions. I'm attracted to shiny things so I fixate on it for a while and then I'm on to some other combination of subject and matter. This is not a problem in my life as I've sort of reached a point where people just accept that as me.
The problem is the spaces in between. While I am working on something I am content. Not happy as I understand it, but content, and thats all I need. Conversely I have these times that I just can't settle down to do anything at all. I try to write and the words won't flow, I try to draw and its all just lines, I try to read and I can't follow it. Sometimes I wonder if the only emotion that I am prone to experiencing on a regular basis is boredom, and I'm not really sure that is an emotion at all.
At times it feels like I am fixated on something, and I just can't find what it is.
_________________
Between sunset and certified darkness
My artistic side: aleigirl.deviantart.com
My ramblings and insights on being an adult with Asperger's: http://alei-cat.blogspot.com/
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