Are you not outgoing because you don't know how or...

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Joined: 15 Nov 2007
Age: 53
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16 Nov 2007, 12:04 pm

...because it feels uncomfortable? I know how to be outgoing, but it feels uncomfortable when I do it. I feel like I am being phony and think the person I am talking to is thinking I am phony and is turned off by it. However, I don't feel I am being different than any other outgoing person. Am I imagining that the other person is thinking I am phony? ( Does what I am saying make sense?)

IdahoRose
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16 Nov 2007, 12:15 pm

I feel very uncomfortable when I try to be outgoing. I think it makes other people uncomfortable too, because I come across as really awkward when I act like that.

QuietlyCrave
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16 Nov 2007, 12:24 pm

I think the most suitable choice between those two options would be don't know how. I've never made a concious choice not to be outgoing though, I was born that way. I didn't even properly realise that I wasn't until my late teens.

ev8
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16 Nov 2007, 12:29 pm

I don't know how. I guess you'd go up to someone you didn't know and start asking them random questions, and then replying with your own answer to those questions? I would just wonder why I was bothering the entire time.

InSpades
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16 Nov 2007, 12:36 pm

IdahoRose wrote:

, because I come across as really awkward when I act like that.

Do you know that you are coming across awkward or do you think that you are coming across awkward?

alei
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16 Nov 2007, 12:47 pm

Both. I think its uncomfortable because I dont know how to do it. It would be hard to seperate the two for me. Its that age old nature vs nurture debate, and my opinion on that has always been "somewhere in the middle"

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Plutonian_Persona
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16 Nov 2007, 12:52 pm

IdahoRose wrote:

I feel very uncomfortable when I try to be outgoing. I think it makes other people uncomfortable too, because I come across as really awkward when I act like that.

Me too, and I've actually been told many times that I am very awkward when I try to act outgoing. Yet, what else would you expect from a person who is highly introverted?

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shopaholic
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16 Nov 2007, 1:10 pm

It's more that I can't maintain it.

I can be in a really outgoing mood one day, but the next day I may not want to talk to anyone.

The problem is that other people seem to find that strange - i.e. "You talked to me yesterday, why are you blanking me today?"

What I really don't know how to do is how to behave when I see people who I have talked to on a previous occasion. I don't know what they expect from me, how much familiarity, or what to talk about, any of it.

NT's probably expect a certain thing from me that I don't know how to give, so I often find it easier to ignore them until they speak to me.

DingoDv
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16 Nov 2007, 1:16 pm

Feels stupid to say, but what are you defining as outgoing?

InSpades
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16 Nov 2007, 1:24 pm

DingoDv wrote:

Feels stupid to say, but what are you defining as outgoing?

Talking. Talking in an confident voice. Not in a timid voice.

quirky
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16 Nov 2007, 1:48 pm

InSpades wrote:

I totally feel that way. I mean, I'm not great at being outgoing, but I'm certainly adequate - however,I feel so phony when I do it, that I can't, even though everyone else is just as phony. I hate changing my personality just to seem flirty or whatever, so guys think I'm not interested. I'm not rude, I'm just kind of polite and more serious I guess - hysterically laughing at every joke or being really silly in general just feels phony to me, especially around guys I've just met. I hate not being able to 'banter', but I just don't feel comfortable.

SKOREAPV83
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16 Nov 2007, 1:56 pm

I am very uncomfortable being outgoing, mostly because I'm NEVER with tactile signers these days. It is NOT by my choice that I am NEVER with tactile signers. Because I am most comfortable communicating in tactile American Sign Language (ASL), I only wanna learn better social skills for use with other tactile signers. I REFUSE to learn how to be more accepted by visual signers or non-signers. I know it's weird cuz I can fully hear and my visual impairment is only borderline, but it has something to do with my language processing.

Last edited by SKOREAPV83 on 16 Nov 2007, 2:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Pugly
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16 Nov 2007, 2:00 pm

Because I don't know how, primarily. If I don't want to be outgoing, I just won't be outgoing. I don't like putting an act on for others.

I generally do like being outgoing, but I never really figured out how to go about it. I assumed people didn't want to hear what I have to say... I'm finding this to be mostly false.

Recently I've become much more social, and I don't feel it's a drain at all. I'm starting to wonder if I really have AS actually...

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i_Am_andaJoy
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16 Nov 2007, 2:34 pm

shopaholic wrote:

yeah, this is closer to me too. i can "perform" ok when i know the script, so i know HOW to some degree, but i also have trouble maintaining- and might feel like talking one day but not the next and people seem confused by that and won't hang around too long.

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militarybrat
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16 Nov 2007, 2:41 pm

For me its a mix of both. Your feelings arn't that uncommon and make perfect sence.

tomamil
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16 Nov 2007, 2:50 pm

i don't even know how to explain why i am not outgoing...

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