Accepting Gifts

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This is a timely topic, as Christmas is coming. Though, it's my birthday and I wanted to ask about birthday presents. I have always had a two-fold problem with accepting gifts.
a)I never appear "excited", "grateful" or "happy" enough when receiving gifts, which bothers people

b)My husband has been buying very unromantic and unpersonal gifts the past few years. I don't know how to deal.

Background. I was adopted and my birthdays have always been a complex, often stressful time for me. I get anxious and sad and sometimes aloof. I think about the things that have gone wrong in my life, where I am and what my mom may be thinking about. Sometimes I don't really want to celebrate my birthday with others, but alone. Part of that is because I want to be alone and also, no one cares to do the stuff I like.
I've never had enough friends for a party. I had a friend back home that I would go to her parties, or celebrate with a gift. She wouldn't even acknowledge my birthday. My parents always did stuff that they liked for my parties when I was young. I never felt included in my own party.

Anyways back to gifts. My husband last year got me a Nintendo DS. I was mildly insulted because I knew it would be a source of stress for my son and it would be about playing video games with him. I didn't want it. It was very expensive too. I eventually got in the habit of playing with it and enjoy it quite a bit. But I had to train myself to do it.
This year he got a speaker for the Zune. (MP3 player) The Zune isn't even mine! The stupid thing is that it's not that good and he asked me what I wanted for my birthday. This wasn't on the list. I told him jewelry. (not gems or gold) He knew the kind I was referencing.
I feel stupid because he made a big deal about it. Like I should be more appreciative about it. I lied and told him I liked it.

Does anyone else have a similar problem with receiving gifts?


Oh, and I had bake my own cake too. I felt like a moron. Like maybe my birthday isn't important enough and I should just stopping expecting anything.

Hmm. Psychologically speaking, I think you need to re-frame your birthday. Decide what it means to you, what you want it to mean, and work from there. I can understand how in the past is has been awkward for you. You don't want that feeling forever, so start anew.

As for gifts. Positive actions typically equate to positive reactions. Same goes for negative. If you've got a negative vibe going on about your birthday, people probably don't know how to react. This probably leads to some confusion and...odd gift buying behaviors

I think you first need to decide what you would like your birthday to mean, and how you'd like it to go. If you want to b surprised with cake and jewelry, ask, specifically. If you don't mind baking your own cake (it can be fun, actually...) the make it part of your new tradition. Make a new tradition though, something. Maybe make a promise to yourself to treat yourself. Buy a special new bubble bath, get your nails done, get a super comfy new hoodie - whatever makes you feel good and comforted. Don't rely wholly on others - it's a recipe for letdown. Appreciate their efforts, but don't expect them to make your day. You have to do it.

Also, be honest with your husband. When the gift is something from great aunt Jeannie, then is the time to fib a little if it isn't something you love. Your husband though, tell the truth. Kindly. You'd want to give him something he likes, and he probably feels the same and is just confused.

And happy birthday to you Your birthday IS special, it's a day to celebrate you.

Well, I'm not AS so I can't relate on that level.

But I can relate on a couple of things...

The type of gift given.
My former wife decided we would start making gift lists so everyone would know what to get someone. I have always had trouble getting gifts and I'd really like to dispense with that tradition all together for those 'certain days' of the year.

Anyway... getting back on track... even with the list, she would end up buying me stuff that she liked and/or she could use.
I actually brought this up to her once and we had an argument about it.
I especially don't want gifts that I have no interest in or need for or like of.

I am adopted too (always knew), yet I do not believe this affects my on holidays or birthdays.
Sorry it bothers you. It's not always easy being adopted... and knowing it (and why).

Although I don't care for presents on my birthday or even cards, I do enjoy it when my daughter tells me "Happy Birthday".
That's all I need to make me happy on that day.
For times like Christmas, it's just a day about giving people gifts.. to me. The current Christmas celebration has nothing to do with what I understand as the original motive for creating the holiday.
I'd rather not have to go about getting gifts or cards for anyone except those closest to me (physically and emotionally), and right now that means my daughter.
I wish Christmas as it is now would just be confined to each person's home. But I have no place in pushing my ideas onto others.

Back to you... sorry about straying... I think if you cannot talk it out with your husband in a calm and respectful discussion, then you might consider marriage counseling.
I do not know you, your husband, or your circumstances, so I'm not saying you should go to counseling... just that it is an option if talking at home does not work.

Suppressing your feelings and not communicating is unhealthy for any relationship.

I hope you all can work it out down-the-line.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! by the way... belated I suppose?

God im like this too, i find it impossible to pretend to be happy with gifts i dont like, the other people feel offended, even i do like them i dont know what to do, however they understand how i react now, so only buy things i ask for thank god. My earliest memory is of me running away on my birthday because i just didnt like it

I take what I'm given; a matchstick or a lightsaber means the same thing to me.

In my opinion, from what you've related, he isn't getting you birthday gifts, he's getting himself birthday gifts and then when you point it out to him, you get into an argument---his behavior towards you is called passive/aggressive behavior....look this term up and see if it rings a bell, and as far as what you can do about it....get him some jewelry for you, for his birthday....

People know what I like to receive for gifts on Christmas and birthdays: nice clothes, something related to cats and anything I might need throughout the year. People know my tastes and I am always excited to receive my gifts.

thanks for the replies. I don't know if he's getting himself gifts. It's almost like a modern spin on the kitchen appliances. Instead of buying the Wife a new frying pan, he's getting her electronics. The Nintendo was definitely for me, so I would play with my son. The speakers are for me to share my music.