Think my husband has Aspreger

Post Reply New Topic

Guys, I hope to find people here with Aspreger syndrome.
I am pretty sure my husband has it, he would never go to the doctor, but I can’t think of what else it can be.
He is absolutely not capable of communication or expressing feelings or emotions, or interest in other people. He is maniacally obsessed with computers, barely talks—one-to-word phrases, never a full conversation, ignores people around him. If we go for a dinner with friends, he ignores everyone, playing on the phone/palm pilot instead. When we went to visit my family—he did not talk to anyone. He always has the same expression on his face, I saw him excited maybe twice, and it was about computers
Mentally he is highly developed—medical doctor, good specialist in his field, all his free time he spends in front of the computer.

I know he loves me, because he cares about me, helps me, does everything I ask, and he can be passionate in bed-kissing and everything, but verbally he cannot express it. And he has no interest in people—never asks them questions, and can carry on a conversation only about his work or computers.

I don’t know what to do, I love him, but it is getting harder and harder. At first I thought that he was just shy, but now I can clearly see that it is a much bigger problem, and I am scared that when we have children, he will be an unemotional father.

His mother is saying that he did not speak until the age 3, and he did not talk for most of his childhood, obsessing over the computer, he did not have many friends in school. When he was 4 he broke his arm but did not complain for a day about it.
I think it would help if we met other people like him to learn how to live with this

Doesn't sound like Asperger's to me. People with AS don't get worse and worse as you describe it. ("harder and harder")

Besides, I consider myself an aspie, have most traits of the people here, and I'm VERY sociable and interested in others and making friends.

I don't think a couple traits like you mentioned (obsessed with computers, delayed speech and not sociable) make a person an aspie.

Also Aspergers people usually develop language at a normal time. And I know when I was little I did talk, a lot. But I was just me rambling about stuff, not real interaction.

Greentea, thank you for replying.
He is not getting worse, he's been the same all his live, it is getting harder and harder for me personally when time goes by.

If he is not an aspie, what is he? Everything I read about the syndrome fits him perfectly--he tries to be sociable, but he is so different from everyone else people dont get it. And I have to explain all my feelings to him i detail for him to understand it. He cant read emotions at all. for example, when I am happy, he can ask--Why are you so pissed? And I have to explain for 30 minutes that I am not pissed.

so what can it be then? a mild form of autism? But he does not mind being touched, he is phisically affectionate, the only thing he does not like is when I touch his head

I think you should read up about it more and make your own mind, you know the situation better than anyone. I don't think it fair for people to dismiss the possibility based on your post. I think that 'getting harder and harder' refers to your decreasing ability to put up with the situation rather than his behaviour worsening perhaps?
If coming here is supportive to you regarding the situation then you should be welcomed and helped regardless of diagnosis.

i think it would help if we could meet other people with asperger's
I 've never met anyone else like him, and I think it would help him to be with someone like him as well. I can see that it is extremely hard for him to communicate with people.
thank you guys for all your help!

greentea,
it doesn't say he is getting worse,it's about own tolerance level getting worse over time.
it is actually possible for aspies and auties to 'get worse' when older,especially because there are a lot more responsibilities and things to cope with as adult,and lots of other things can make traits stronger to.
there is an article about this somewhere on the autistics.org site.


Isaura,it certainly sounds like he's on the spectrum,would going to a local autism support group help [for families/husbands/wives etc]?

He sounds more autistic disorder or HFA to me. If its not an autistic disorder or HFA it might be pdd-nos, pdd-nos can mean two things, either borderline autistic, or can mean more autistic then aspergers but does not quite the fit the critera for full blown autism. People with aspergers usually don't have any language delays, even though some doctors will diagnosis a child with aspergers even if they had a delay in language.

I have hfa, I have no interest in ppl what so ever, never did even as a child, very much in my own world. Non-verbal for awhile, first word was da da at the age of 3. I go out to dinner with friends or family, i just count the ceiling tiles or literally just disappear in my own world inside my head, which is full of different colors and patterns where i spin in circles all day haha, that sounds so weird.

KingdomofRats, aspies don't get worse over a couple years when they're young, but anyway, forget it, it's just my opinion.

I know exactly how you feel, whenever I'm round a dinner table I don't know where to look. Also when I was diagnosed last month the phycologist wrote in the report, I spent most of the time looking out the window, thats me!

You're right, but I think you are misunderstanding.

As for ME? I think he is HFA. Gilberg might say AS, but *I* say HFA. I don't think he is communicative enough, and he didn't start early enough, to be AS.

BTW in either case, he may surprise you as a father.

Thank you, Kingdom, i am looking for the support group.

But i dont even know if it makes sence for us to stay together, I am concerned that when we have kids it may get much harder. Does any one have any experience in the relationship with a NT person? Can it even work? is it possible?

Guys withg HFA--yes, it does sound totally like him! counting the tiles on the ceiling and paying no attention whatsoever! But i thought people with autism did not like to be toched. and it is not him at all--he is very clingy, wants to hug and kiss all the time, just does not want talk and not emotional at all.
I tried to teach him how to take interest in people--like ask them questions, give compliments, sound interested in their life, but he does not get it.
My mom is visiting us, and she is crying all the time, because she thinks he hates her--we would drive to the beach for 3.5 hours and he would not say a word, except for--look at this tree, look at this bridge, etc, no interest in people whatsoever.

Obviously, we met online and he is very talkative in the email and online, but still sounds strangely non-emotional.

I dont know about fatherhood--i have to survive the pregnancy first, i was pregnant and lost the baby, he was not emotional throughout the pregnancy too, and it is not easy when you dont have any moral support

When I realized that it was more then his shyness, i started thinking that maybe he would be much happier in a relationship with someone like him. He is saying no, he needs somebody like me otherwise he will go crazy. But i cant understand where he is coming from at all, i am very social, open, emotional, love people.
He does not understand my need for communication, I tried to explain that talking to people makes me very happy and when it is a good conversation it makes you fee almost high, but he cant understand me at all.

You should defintely try to stay together, try to work things out. My nt boyfriend drives me nuts, when i broke my arm, i was loosing it, we almost lost everything, but he surprised me still does. I'm too afraid of becoming a mother because im bad with empathy and that gentle side, but my bf has all of that im missing, just like you have what hes missing, he'll bring some amazing things to the child while you bring other amazing things. He might be able to teach that child soo many things you can,t and you'll be able to teach that child so many things he can't. Thats why sometimes NT/ASD relationships work. I work at childrens specialized hospital where i can be holding a siezing cerebral paulsi baby to a baby who has down syndrome, and needs a feeding/breathing tube to live where i still have soooo many problems being gentle and showing that empathy, but i work on it all the time, and with time anything can happen. After 4 years, i learned how to actually interact with the child to the point that babies want to be held by me. Never under estimate somebody even if their on the spectrum!