Do you ever feel like you are in a hell of your own making?

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For a decade I've been trying to understand why people don't take me seriously and are mean to me, but I didn't make a serious effort to find answers until about two years ago.

Now that I've found many of the answers I was looking for, I spend less time trying to understand why people mistreat me (which is a great relief), and a lot more time trying to understand why I am not like most people and what I can do to be like them.

But there are still a lot of doubts lingering in my mind.

Maybe I don't have Asperger's Syndrome. Maybe I'm an unintelligent person who feels guilty about his choices and is now looking for excuses to rationalize his past behavior. Maybe I don't want to acknowledge that I am in a hell of my own making.

I don't know.

yes I realise now that past and present problems are due to my behaviour and interpretation of others behaviour but the behaviour is due to affects of AS. If I think about how I behave I see the faults and how I should change but am not able to do so or to realise these things at the appropriate time. I am working on this and especially on being kinder to others and to myself.

I feel the exact same way as you do. I sure hope that I have HFA/AS and I'm not just a ret*d or just not have been trying hard enough. It seems very likely though in my case that I do indeed have HFA/AS; I can't think of any other explanation for many of my traits other than I'm not that bright. But I have so many HFA traits it seems now a diagnosis might be imminent.

I too have been treated badly by people because I'm different and because I'm quiet.

I'll answer that in a few minutes

Never mind, you don't deserve an explanation

I know growing up was hard, not that life in all was difficult, I can honestly say my parents made my life quite good, but I was really bad with my childhood friends. It haunts me to this day, they way I treated them, growing up, as a kid I was very self centered, i expected them to obey me, I had to have all my ideas implimented, they had to do everything the way I specified, it worked a little bit (probably because often I was the only 1 who could figure out the best way to build the fort or go cart) but as we got older, it became hell socializing with them, I wanted their friendship, but just could not see that acting the way I was towards them was absolutly inappropriate.

If I knew then what I knew now things would be very different, my absolutle bossyness and refusal to do anything in anyother way but my own way got me where I was, I learned the hard way. I voted 'sometimes' because social life was the only hell I experienced as a child.

I think that if 48% of the people voting think that they're "in hell", then it's probably a good indication that it's not one "of their own making"...